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  • ZAYN They finally let us write a song And we won't let them down

  • We don't know how to write at all so lets just fart around

  • I'm stroking on this wooden thing and trying to make a sound but I have no ability

  • LIAM I'm fiddling with these knobs as if I know what they do The bloke who does this job is fat and 42

  • He can't be on camera because he's not so cute So I'll just pretend it's me

  • Roll the music tape. Action

  • PRODUCER We've just let these little turds burn tape for 8 hours

  • MANAGER But that's fine cus simple minds will get it in line for the billionth time

  • Man love these fruits And all their little jeans

  • LOUIS I can't go to bed I haven't slept in weeks When I close me eyes I just hear pre pubescent shrieks

  • It's really hard to concentrate while I'm counting sheeps So I dress like little Bo Peep...It helps

  • HARRY For a couple days I dated Taylor Swift She kicked me to the curb and crossed me off her list

  • She said she wanted me to help her write another hit And I guess that I kind of did

  • NIALL Sometimes when the blokes Have fallen fast asleep I like to place a popsicle between my

  • 2 butt cheeks The maid is always asking me why I have orange sheets So I pretend I don't speak English

  • EVERYONE We just sang a bunch of shite As a writing exercise

  • ZAYN That was fun we're all done Lets roll tape on a proper one

  • PRODUCER That's a wrap dudes

  • LIAM He recorded all those things

  • NIALL Can we just erase the part about the orange popsicle? I misspoke It's all a joke that the other blokes put me up to

  • LOUIS Hey it's my turn To be little Bo Peep

ZAYN They finally let us write a song And we won't let them down

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