Name: Trump Whips Up Troops Into a MAGA Frenzy & Plans $45 Million Military Parade | The Daily Show
Uploaded: 2025-06-13T03:41:54.000Z
Duration: 8 min 38 s
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Let's kick things off with meme coin entrepreneur Donald Trump, who also moonlights as president of the United States. Yesterday he went to Fort Bragg to give a speech to his favorite men in uniform who aren't in the village people.

He was there to commemorate the 250th anniversary of the Army, so of course he ended up discussing Joe Biden.

Adverbs of manner

We had a grossly, grossly unfit president. And by the way, I've known this guy for a long time. He was never the sharpest bulb.

See, see, most people would have gone with brightest bulb or sharpest tool, but

Donald Trump took half of both and smooshed them together. That is what makes him the cream of the litter.

But again, Trump wasn't there to talk about Joe Biden. He was there to talk about America's proud military history, and that went great too.

Recently, other countries celebrated the victory of World War I. France was celebrating, really. They were all celebrating. The only one that doesn't celebrate is the USA, and we're the ones that won the war. Without us, you'd all be speaking German right now. Maybe a little Japanese thrown in.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Why would we be speaking Japanese when they were on our side in World War I? Well, I think it's because he said World War I, but what he meant was lightbulb. But just for the record, I'd love to speak

German and a little Japanese, because that would help me understand like 95% of the porn I watch. Does anyone know what eine kleine megachode means? I don't, but I like it. But what got the most attention wasn't what Donald Trump said, but how much the troops enjoyed it. President Trump's rally-style speech yesterday at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. He had active-duty troops booing the media, booing his political opponents. You think this crowd would have showed up for Biden? I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I'm the fake news. Ladies and gentlemen, look at him. Look at him all. What I have to put up with. Fake news. What I have to put up with in Los Angeles, the governor of

Those boos are very upsetting, and not just because they remind me of my fifth grade talent show. And looking back, I probably shouldn't have performed the entirety of Eddie Murphy's Raw.

I gotta say, I gotta say, this is not a good look for the military. The military is supposed to be a political... I'm sorry. Oh, I gotta say, I gotta say, this is not a good look for the military. The military is supposed to be a political. They don't serve Democrats or Republicans. They protect all of us, even Jill Stein voters for some reason. But maybe the reason these troops seem so MAGA is because the non-Trumpers didn't want to be there. According to military.com, memos from Fort

Bragg reveal a tightly orchestrated effort to curate the optics of Trump's recent visit, including hand-picking soldiers for the audience based on political leanings. Other rules for troops appearing on camera included no fat soldiers. Wow, that really sums up the two principles of Donald Trump, doesn't it? Number one, total loyalty. Number two, no fatties. Keep in mind that before Trump turned the military into his own personal MAGA cheer squad, he started the week by sending Marines into America's most bangable city. And this is all just the warm-up before the main event this weekend. President Trump's highly anticipated military parade kicks off this Saturday. The parade marks the Army's 250th anniversary. Oh my god, give these troops a break already. They have to sit through your show, they have to invade Los Angeles, and now they have to parade for you? America doesn't do military parades, so why is this one so important? The parade just so happens to also fall on President Trump's 79th birthday. Yes, there it is, there it is. The parade just so happens to be on his birthday, but that's not why he's doing it. This parade is for the Army, and the fudgy the whale cake is for the Army, but he gets to blow out the candles. So how much is the Doge president gonna spend on this Army birthday extravaganza? The total cost to taxpayers, up to 45 million dollars. The Army said it expects minimal damage to DC roads from the 70-ton tanks rolling down, but they've budgeted 16 million of your dollars to repair those roads once the parade is over. 45 million dollars and a third of that is just you ripping up the roads?

People don't usually throw down that hard unless they're moving out the next day. Wait, is Trump moving out the next day?

But hey, at least they're budgeting for the road damage in advance, because as

Donald Trump always says, a penny saved is a bird in the hand. For more on Trump's military parade slash birthday celebration, let's go live to Washington

Thank you, thank you. Desi, Desi, hi. I'm embedded here with the military parade and we're ready to go for the long haul. Wait, the long haul isn't the paraded one-day event? Yeah, that's what they always say, but you know the US military. One day in the Capitol turns into a 20-year quagmire real quick. Ronny, it's a parade.

I think they're just driving down a street while people wave at them. Oh, right, and I bet they'll be greeted as liberators too, right? When have I heard that before? Next thing you know, we're paying off tribal leaders in Georgetown and creating DC ISIS. I know my history, Desi. They're gonna spank us like Japan did in World War I.

So you agree the whole parade is a terrible idea? No, I love it.

Usually only brown nations get to see American military hardware, and that's outside their window at very high speeds. It'll be nice for Americans to get courtside seats for once. I mean, there are shepherds in Yemen who can fact-check this parade. I mean, they'll be looking at the TV like, nah, they got a newer model of that drone, trust me. But Ronny, that's not a good thing. This is what dictators do, display their military strength to intimidate everyone. Okay, okay, man, this is clearly bothering you. But look, okay, this is actually a win-win for both sides.

MAGA gets a cool parade, and for the liberals, having the whole military and all our weapons in one place means the rest of America is unguarded, which gives a saner nation the chance to come in and take over.

Wait, hold on, sorry, I gotta just make a call real quick here. Hey, Canada, hey, what are you doing Saturday?

How would you like America to be your 51st state?