Name: Trump Executive Orders Cold Open - SNL
Uploaded: 2025-05-06T03:22:11.000Z
Duration: 5 min 26 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

President Trump's first 100 days have been the most dynamic since FDR.

In that short time, President Roosevelt created vital government departments, forged new alliances, and established our nation's social safety net.

Adverbs of degree

And in just 100 days, President Trump did the same thing, only in reverse.

Hi, hello, it's me, your favorite president, and perhaps your next pope!

Well, it's been 100 years since I became president.

Feels longer, but people are saying that what I've done so far has single-handedly helped win people elections, mostly in Canada.

I've also signed 147 executive orders, everything from banning paper straws to defunding PBS.

I understand Elmo has now been apprehended by ICE.

Brought to you by the letter L for El Salvador.

But we've got a few new executive orders, and here to help is Deputy Chief of Staff and Lord of the Shadows, Stephen Miller.

Mr. President, it's an absolute pleasure to be here.

Wow, even the nice things you say sound like Kylo Ren.

All right, what do we got today, Stephen?

All right, sir, this first order would bring back Columbus Day.

We are bringing back Columbus Day back from the ashes.

We have to protect Columbus Day for our great Italian-American friends like Tony Soprano, Benny Blanco, and Childish Gambino.

All right, sir, this order would reduce the number of interracial couples in TV commercials.

You see them in the kitchen together making meal from Hello Fresh.

He's wearing loafers, she's got tight braids.

You're like, where'd they meet, you know?

Sir, this order will make it socially acceptable for a man in his 70s to date a 24-year-old.

That's right, we're calling it the Belichick Law.

We're gonna make girlfriends young again, okay?

But in reverse, it's quite disgusting, right?

This is why we don't hang out outside of work.

You know, she created a whole wizarding world, a wonderful place for overweight millennials to stake their entire identity well past the point of it being cute.

You asked Marco Rubio to join you for this next one?

Yes, this order, I believe, forbids all Hispanic babies from getting their ears pierced.

It's clip-ons for you from now on, all right?

I mean, we got grown, white American tweens trying to get into Claire's, and they got to wait behind 1,000 tiny Latina babies to get their ears pierced.

Sir, this order will make the New York Times connections game easier.

Every time, it's like, how the hell was I gonna get that fourth one?

Oh, it's always like units of measurement plus the letter Q or types of beans minus the concept of love.

You know, every Christmas Eve, I get visited by three ghosts.

I don't know what the hell they're talking about.

You did bad things, and you have to change.

And I'm like, stop rattling those chains, okay?

I'm trying to enjoy my dark, lonely Christmas Eve.

All right, sir, this order will officially shorten the word recession.

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Trump Executive Orders Cold Open - SNL

vital

insane

concept

creepy