Name: 如何擺脫社交尷尬？問自己這兩個問題 ► Vanessa Van Edwards 凡妮莎‧范‧愛德華茲（中英字幕）
Uploaded: 2025-05-04T23:34:21.000Z
Duration: 3 min 3 s
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I used to believe that you were either born with charisma or you weren't.

Relative clauses (Restrictive vs. nonrestrictive)

That charisma was genetic, and in 2002 I discovered a study that changed my life, which said that charisma can be learned.

This is when I started to tackle, to figure out, okay, if charisma can be learned, how do we learn it?

How can we learn blueprints for conversation, how can we learn frameworks for how we connect and how we socialize?

That's when I started doing my own research, I developed my first framework about 12 years ago, and we've helped 400,000 students learn that framework, master it and conquer awkwardness or feel more confident.

So I read the quintessential How to Win Friends and Influence People back in the day.

And that's a wonderful book, but it's a book written by an extrovert.

If you are not naturally extroverted, I'm not naturally extroverted, I'm more ambiverted.

It is very hard to learn how to communicate if you don't naturally gravitate towards people.

I was like, there has to be a way to teach introverts and ambiverts to be able to feel confident without having to fake it till you make it.

Without having to pretend to be extroverted or outgoing, to be taken seriously, or to be charismatic.

Ambiverts get energy from the right people in the right places.

So for example, in this interview, I love one-on-one conversations.

I feel myself, but if we were to go to a loud bar or a nightclub, I would completely shut down and want to be alone.

Ambiverts can dial up extroversion to hit their goals, so that they know they have to be friendly and meet people for an interview or a position, they can do it.

The reason why it's important to know if you're an ambivert is because you should know what are the people and places that drain you.

There are certain people when you open your calendar and you look at it and you're like, oh, I have to be with that person.

That is someone that drains you, they do not bring out your extroversion or your natural love of people.

There are also certain people who you feel you could talk to for hours, they give you social energy, they charge your social battery.

So the very first thing I have students do is sit and make a list, who are the people who give you energy, who charge you up?

Who are the people who take from you, those are people that we want to put boundaries around, we want to say no to, we want to limit as much as possible.

And then also the places, where do you thrive, is it conferences one-on-one business, or is it friends socializing parties?

Knowing those places helps you optimize your social battery.

And when you say cues, which you said at the start of this conversation, people think of just body language, is that the sort of full extent of areas that you focus on?

There is body language, that's facial expressions, gestures, posture.

But there's also vocal, so vocal cues are the tone of our voice, our pace, our volume, arc, cadence.

There's also the words we use, obviously, verbal cues, the types of words that I'm choosing to use are signaling my warmth and competence to you.

And the last, the smallest channel is our ornaments, the colors we wear, the jewelry we wear, the way we wear our hair, the way we wear your facial hair, those are also signaling different things or queuing people to feel a certain way about you.

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如何擺脫社交尷尬？問自己這兩個問題 ► Vanessa Van Edwards 凡妮莎‧范‧愛德華茲（中英字幕）

awkward

stuff

sort

figure