Name: 不要減輕你伴侶的痛苦... ► 聽聽心理學博士怎麼說 - Dr Michael Gervais 邁克爾·格韋斯（中英字幕）
Uploaded: 2025-04-22T09:05:59.000Z
Duration: 2 min 28 s
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To-infinitive

The worst thing we can do for our loved ones is to try to reduce their pain.

There's a difference between pain and suffering.

We all have an emptiness or a dark place or corners inside of our spirit and our mind that are not fulfilled and watered and full.

And when I'm talking about pain, I'm not necessarily talking about suffering, but acknowledging our suffering, being in touch with the pain, that's enough to say, when you're really honest, that's enough to say, I can't do this.

Like, this is not the person I want to become and be on a regular basis.

If that's the case, if that assumption is right, then as a loved one, my job is to help you get real and experience those places as often as you can so that you make the declaration to say, no, no, no, no, no.

That's not okay for me to feel and be this way on a regular basis.

So let me pull on that thread just a little bit further.

It is healthy and necessary to feel all of the human emotions.

When we ask people, what do you want in life?

If grandma dies, do you want to be happy?

When your child is sick, do you want to be happy?

I think the answer is that we want to feel all of the human experience to its fullest, but never lose ourself in it, but to experience all of it.

And so we're getting into the weeds of some very esoteric and non-scientific thinking right now.

But the practice is that if I care about you deeply, the mistake I can make in your life is to help you feel like it's all okay.

It's okay that you're drinking and driving and you killed a 14-year-old.

No, the work is to say, what's this like for you to feel that pain?

So you make the commitment to say, no, no, no.