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  • From the director of--

  • Oh, God, not him again...

  • comes Will Smith’s biggest mistake since turning down The Matrix.

  • After Earth.

  • Prepare for Shyamalan's signature slow pace and joyless tone,

  • but now with 10x as much mumbo-jumbo.

  • "I detected graviton vibrations in the hull."

  • "How"

  • "Graviton buildup could be a precursor to mass expansion."

  • "Mass expansion is one in a million."

  • "The pull of our own graviton weight could set the thing off."

  • Get ready for the story of a talented celebrity Dad and his less talented bratty kid...

  • "I am dedicated, have studied, and consistently display conduct becoming of a ranger, sir!"

  • who takes on a challenge he's not ready for.

  • "And you think I'm a coward?!"

  • "You're wrong!"

  • Gee, wonder where they got that idea.

  • Watch as Will Smith, one of the world’s most charismatic actors, plays a man with

  • no charisma

  • "What do you think you should have done? Because really, that is all that matters."

  • named Cypher Raige. Haha, very funny guys, what’s his real name?

  • General Cypher Raige

  • "Of the prime commander Cypher Raige

  • General Cypher Raige

  • Youve got to be kidding me.

  • Watch as Cypher Raige and his son Kitai Raige? Dramatize what it’s like to live in the

  • Smith household.

  • "I'm going to my room."

  • "Are you asking me or telling me?"

  • "May I go to my room, sir?"

  • DENIED! SIT DOWN!”

  • But when father and son are forced to bond, disaster strikes as they crash on a terrifying

  • version of after Earth...

  • "Warning: This planet has been declared unfit for human habitation."

  • Full of non-threats like

  • Monkeys

  • Eagles

  • Whales

  • Bugs

  • Snakes

  • Foliage

  • And the cold

  • Every thing on this planet has evolved to kill humans."

  • Has it though? Because it kinda looks like before Earth to me.

  • So take a knee...

  • "Take a knee."

  • "Take a knee!"

  • "Take a knee, cadet!"

  • "Take a knee."

  • And watch a movie of Will Smith watching a movie of Jaden Smith

  • "I will see everything you see

  • in the most blatant example of Hollywood nepotism since the 3rd generation of Wayan’s Brothers.

  • My suit turned black. I like it but I think it’s something bad."

  • You like it but you think it’s something bad?

  • "I like it but I think it’s something bad."

  • Did someone actually read this before they made it a movie?

  • You know what? I can’t do this. This movie is too dumb on too many levels.

  • I mean... Why does everything on Earth freeze at night?

  • Wouldn’t that kill all the greenery? And the animals?

  • Speaking of animals, why does that eagle adopt Jaden as one of its young, then commit eagle

  • suicide to save him from the cold?

  • It hasn’t figured out how to live in the cold over the last thousand years of being

  • an eagle? Seriously?

  • We traveled all across the galaxy to stay on EARTH? And they didn’t even make earth

  • COOL?

  • Where are the buildings? The survivors? Anything? God this movie is SO

  • stupid!

  • Look I gotta get out of here. It’s just not worth it.

  • You guys don’t have to pay me for this one.

  • Just call me next week for Walking Dead.

  • That sucked."

  • "That is correct."

  • Um... I don't think he's coming back.

  • What should I do?

  • Just read this?

From the director of--

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