Name: 如何辨識「假朋友」？► 你只需要問一個簡單的問題 - Vanessa Van Edwards（中英字幕）
Uploaded: 2025-04-16T00:44:47.000Z
Duration: 3 min 28 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

To-infinitive

We all understand that we want to get rid of toxic people.

The real danger, I think, is ambivalent relationships.

So these ambivalent relationships are the people where either you don't know how you stand with them, so you don't know if they like you or not, and they're also the people where you don't know if you really enjoy hanging out with them or not.

And I think those are the ones that take the more energy.

And the reason for this is because if you have a toxic person, boundaries are easy.

They ask you to go out to lunch and you're like, no thanks, right?

Whereas if an ambivalent person asks you out to lunch or asks you to their birthday party or, you know, asks you to work on something, it takes this mental energy where you have this thing where you're like, ugh, like, will it be good?

Would I rather eat alone at my desk or would I rather have lunch with this person?

And when it's not always easy, that's an incredible drain on our emotional energy.

And if you're an introvert or an ambivert, an ambivert is someone who kind of splits between extroversion and introversion, your energy is finite and our mental space is finite.

And this is something that I did not realize until much more recently.

I thought that mental space was sort of endless, right?

But actually we only have a certain amount of mental time every day.

And if we are dedicating that to trying to figure out if someone likes us or not, which is a very important thing, we all like to be liked whether we admit it or not, that I think is a waste of mental energy.

Why would we want to spend it towards that?

That's why I think ambivalent people are more dangerous.

Because I'm, like, thinking back to the people that managed to become frenemies in my own life.

It's kind of scary how long it took me to be able to put that label on them, to like sort of wake up to the fact that either they always were or the relationship had evolved to that.

Are you ever doubting that they're really happy for you?

Like, there are these people who make these very passive-aggressive comments where you're like, was that nice or was that mean?

If you're ever questioning that, that means they are not truly happy for you.

Or if you have a piece of really good news, a really true good friend will mirror and match that excitement with you.

Someone who's not as happy for you will come in with dream killer questions.

Dream killer questions are when they question your success, they doubt the success, they think of all the negatives.

I have dream killers in my life and I call them when I need someone to poke holes in a business idea.

Like I'll pitch them because they're a great practice.

But I know that they are not the people that I go to when I have something I'm truly excited about.

I think that that's the only question you have to ask yourself and it might be an inconvenient truth.

Like try to think of all the times in the last six months that you've seen them and shared something.

Did you feel like they were as happy as you were about your happiness?

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如何辨識「假朋友」？► 你只需要問一個簡單的問題 - Vanessa Van Edwards（中英字幕）

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