Name: 與其向伴侶道歉，不如這樣說... ► 聽聽婚姻治療師怎麼說 - Esther Perel 埃絲特．沛瑞爾（中英字幕）
Uploaded: 2025-04-02T02:15:24.000Z
Duration: 2 min 46 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

When you apologize about your absence, what you missed, what you didn't do,

you basically still saying, I'm super important.

Past simple

But if you actually said, then you are actually saying that they matter.

I often like to ask people, you know, what's the one thing I said that stayed with you, that made a difference?

It was a situation where when they are late, when they miss an appointment, when they miss an activity that a couple had agreed upon or a game of the children or whatever it was, you know,

And I said to them, if you're still at the computer at 10 o'clock and you know, and you're apologizing, that's you consider that being considerate, I'm aware and I'm apologizing.

But when you apologize about your absence, what you missed, what you didn't do,

I'm that important, but I couldn't be there.

But if you actually said, I'm so thankful that you're here because I could not have stayed at the office late.

I could not have gone to that last minute dinner, I could not have gone and seen so-and-so if you were not here.

then you are actually saying, I couldn't do this without you, which means I am an independent person who is completely interdependent with you.

Whatever you are doing is bolstered by someone who is making this possible for you. And that acknowledgement, it's not just to be nice and to say thank you,

it humbles you, it says, I could not do this without you.

That gives the other person not a sense that they are superfluous or intrusive, they have a presence and a meaning in your life.

Making the other person know that they matter.

I'm having a huge day at business or a huge day at work, and I can do this and I can stay late and because whatever, you've taken care of 10 different things that would make it possible for me to have my mind completely focused.

I'm here, I'm with Esther Perel, I'm talking or whoever all the other guests are, and I can do that because there's someone there that has taken care of all of the stuff I don't have to worry about.

And when you acknowledge that and you thank a person for that, you're basically saying, I couldn't do this if you didn't do that.