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  • I knew from my earliest memory that I was gay.

  • I was, you know, kind of a loner growing up.

  • I was very awkward.

  • Called every name in the book.

  • They’d say fag or...

  • Nerd, egghead...

  • You know, dyke this, dyke that...

  • You know, people walking by and calling me a waste.

  • Yeah, the mainstream didn’t want us.

  • And high school’s kinda shitty. I mean, it’s like...

  • Just there being no allowance for someone to be different.

  • There were definitely nights, those years, where I would

  • go to sleep and just be like, I don’t want to deal with this,

  • I don’t want to wake up in the morning.

  • I just wanted to curl up in a dark corner somewhere and hope

  • that it all went away.

  • I felt tired. Really tired.

  • When I was around eight, um, I told my pediatrician that, um,

  • I wanted to be a girl. It made me feel, ah, even more determined

  • to hide that part of myself away, because the message I was getting

  • is, you know, that’s disgusting.

  • You have all these, ah, feelings that you can’t necessarily talk

  • about with somebody.

  • You know, and youre looking for that acceptance, and you don’t

  • always get it.

  • As much as my parents loved me, there was always that possibility

  • that...that the two people that mattered most in my life...wouldn’t

  • accept me for who I am.

  • And I had this, this kind of story in my mind that everyone was

  • going to lash out at me and they were gonna be mad and they were

  • gonna say, oh, youre going to hell. And when I thought about that,

  • I became very depressed, and I had actually contemplated suicide.

  • Why am I like this? I wish I wasn’t.

  • I, um, found a bottle of sleeping pills in my parentsmedicine

  • cabinet and tookem. All ofem. Just a few moments before I lost

  • consciousness, I had a fleeting moment where I thought, if it does

  • get better, and I’m gone, then I’ve really screwed up.

  • Every day is worth waking up for. You never know what’s gonna happen.

  • Life changes so much.

  • When I finally did come out, ah, and start to transition, I realized

  • I’d been hiding a huge part of myself.

  • And it just came out. I said, I’m gay!

  • It feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

  • And that was just incredibly liberating.

  • I’m finally me!

  • No way would I not want to be who I am, because my uniqueness is my

  • strength, it’s what differentiates me from other people.

  • To finally be open and honest with who I am, what I want out of life.

  • And to my surprise, it was probably one of the best things that I’d ever done.

  • You feel every sense of freedom and, um, every sense of, this is whatlife is all about.

  • Summer days at the park where all your friends are there.

  • Going on a long run when no one else is on the street.

  • The thrill of discovering what your career is.

  • Or even just being here to see the sun set, or the sun rise.

  • I have people I really enjoy talking with, being with, doing stuff.

  • Enjoying the riches of life. That’s the stuff that people shouldn’t miss out on.

  • Falling in love, and having a partner of almost 14 years.

  • We both play the piano, um, he plays the viola.

  • And someone who every night you wanna say, um, I love you and I hope youll sleep well.

  • That feeling of connecting to someone so deeply.

  • And sometimes I still shake my head, think I’m, it’s, I’m dreaming. ’Cause it’s,

  • it got so much better than I ever thought it would be possible.

  • Just, there’s no way anyone can really, really explain it to you until you really feel it.

  • But if youre not around, you won’t.

  • Don’t try to do everything yourself. Find people who can help you if you can.

  • As difficult as it might seem, open up with somebody and just tellem what youre feeling.

  • You have to be open to people who even look like they might be your friend.

  • Theyre friends, youre not alone! Youre not alone.

  • The bullies seem like the powerful people and the successful people, and the

  • secret of the real world is, theyre at the peak of their power at 15 and 16.

  • And there will come a time when the bullies are not successful and the people

  • they bullied are. And you just have to outsurviveem.

  • They don’t know you. They don’t know who you are, or what you love, or anything about you.

  • Know that there’s nothing wrong, and there’s people out there just like you.

  • Please consider that time, just a little bit of time sometimes, changes a whole outlook.

  • No matter who you are or where you live or what you have swirling around you,

  • that space that youre in, that time is this much in the course of a life.

  • And as we go through our lives, were going to have friends, were going to have family,

  • but theyre not always there. And in that toughest, darkest moment,

  • if we can rely on ourselves, that’s more than we will ever need to face the world

I knew from my earliest memory that I was gay.

Subtitles and vocabulary

A2 US people dyke life gay finally tired

It Gets Better: Apple Employees

  • 320 15
    鄭小鬼 posted on 2014/11/04
Video vocabulary

Keywords

to

US /tu,tə/

UK /tə/

  • adverb
  • Toward a point, person, place or thing
  • Into a state of consciousness or awareness
  • preposition
  • Indicating accompaniment.
  • Indicating something being added.
  • Showing that one thing is attached to another
  • (Indicates a comparison between two people/things)
  • Showing the direction
  • Indicating extent or limit.
  • Signaling who is told, shown, given something
  • Indicating someone's reaction
  • Indicating a relationship or connection.
  • Indicating the recipient of something.
  • Part of a verb base form e.g. to buy
  • Showing the limit or range of something
  • Used when speaking about a rate or quantity
  • Showing a person's emotion
  • Showing that the base verb follows
  • Showing where someone or something goes
  • Showing show a specific result, end or purpose
  • Indicating the person or thing receiving something.
  • Expressing a relationship or connection.
  • Showing the relationship between things
  • Indicating a state or condition.
  • Indicating time before a specific hour.
  • Move towards; in the direction of
  • Showing the end point of a specific period
  • In harmony with music or a musical instrument
  • other
  • Used with a verb to form the infinitive.
go

US /ɡo/

UK /ɡəʊ/

  • verb
  • An attempt or try.
  • To attend or be at a place
  • To do an activity
  • To function properly
  • To move or travel from one place to another.
  • To intend to do something.
  • To move or travel from one place to another.
  • To pass or elapse (of time).
  • To begin or start an activity.
  • To move or travel to another place
  • To be used up or consumed.
  • To match or harmonize with something.
  • noun
  • A turn in a game
people

US /ˈpipəl/

UK /'pi:pl/

  • noun
  • Ordinary people; the general public.
  • Ordinary people; commoners.
  • Persons sharing culture, country, background, etc.
  • The employees of a company or organization.
  • Humans in general; persons considered collectively.
  • Men, Women, Children
  • A nation or ethnic group.
  • Human beings in general or considered collectively.
  • One's family or relatives.
  • other
  • Human beings in general or considered collectively.
  • other
  • To populate; to fill with people.
life

US /laɪf/

UK /laɪf/

  • noun
  • All the living things e.g. animals, plants, humans
  • Period of time things live, from birth to death
think

US /θɪŋk/

UK /θɪŋk/

  • verb
  • Have a particular belief or idea.
  • To have an idea about something without certainty
  • To have an idea, opinion or belief about something
feel

US /fil/

UK /fi:l/

  • verb
  • To be aware of or experience an emotion, sensation
  • To sense through direct contact; touch
find

US /faɪnd/

UK /faɪnd/

  • verb
  • To become aware of something that is happening
  • To discover or meet by chance
  • To decide if someone is guilty of a crime, or not
  • To learn through study, research, or effort
  • To discover something by looking for it
  • noun
  • Object discovered by chance
  • Things that have been discovered from searching
love

US /lʌv/

UK /lʌv/

  • noun
  • Person's name
  • A very strong feeling of affection
  • The person you care very deeply about
  • Strong, deep emotional and sexual attraction
  • verb
  • To care for and like someone very strongly, deeply
  • To like doing very much; enjoy greatly
  • To feel a strong emotional and romantic attraction
rise

US /raɪz/

UK /raɪz/

  • other
  • To move upwards; ascend.
  • To achieve a higher rank or position.
  • To get out of bed.
  • To increase in number, amount, or value.
  • To originate or have its source.
  • To rebel or revolt.
  • verb
  • To wake up and get out of bed after sleeping
  • (Of bread) to get larger due to air being created
  • To achieve greater success and power or rank
  • To increase in quantity, degree, strength, value
  • To move from a lower position to a higher one
  • (Sun, etc.) to appear over the horizon, in the sky
  • noun
  • Act or process of achieving a higher rank, status
  • Ground higher than the areas next to or around it
  • Movement from lower to greater heights
  • An increase in number, amount, or value.
  • other
  • An increase in salary or wages.
finally

US /ˈfaɪnəli/

UK /ˈfaɪnəli/

  • adverb
  • used especially at the beginning of a sentence to introduce the last point or idea
  • After a long time or some difficulty
  • In conclusion; to end with.
  • In a way that is decisive or conclusive.
  • After a long time; at last.

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