Name: 如何讓別人照你說的去做？► 第一步，話不要講太多.. - 美國特勤局前特務 Evy Poumpouras 伊芙‧波普拉斯（中英字幕）
Uploaded: 2024-12-29T01:34:42.000Z
Duration: 3 min 2 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Gerund

When you start becoming people's friends, that's when the lines get blurred and we get confused.

If you're overly nice, overly kind, overly polite, that's when you get rolled.

To-infinitive

The biggest mistake people make is they talk a lot.

If I'm doing all the talking and you're doing all the listening, you're learning everything about me.

You're learning about what I care about, my values, my belief systems.

There's a myth that people think if I do most of the talking, I have control.

What you want to understand is that person's motivational mindset.

Everybody's motivated by something different.

But I have to hear you and pay attention to you to understand what that is.

Here, have a drink, talk to me, let me know.

If you give people enough space, they will reveal themselves to you.

But we're so busy talking, we're so busy making noise because we think everybody needs to hear me.

If you're really trying to build a connection with a person, then build it.

Because now I see the world through your lens, not mine.

I always say, when especially I do a lot of keynotes and training for businesses, you don't matter, they matter.

And then when they tell you, instead of trying to guess how to enter a conversation, what do I do?

I let you reveal to me what matters to you, what your values are.

And then I come in more intelligently into the conversation and I speak to you.

People will show you what they care about.

If we just hold back, stay silent, ask good questions.

I don't genuinely want to tell you all about me.

And the one factor that's really important is not having judgment, being nonjudgmental.

When you show judgment to another person, they're going to filter what they say.

They're going to hold back because nobody likes to be judged.

Also in the room, my goal was not to get them to like me.

My goal was to get them to feel heard, to feel respected, for me to be professional.

And I think we bring the wrong terms because it's confusing.

If I want you to like me to think of it this way, then I'm going to think I have to be nice to him.

In business, you can be warm, but when you start becoming people's friends, that's when the lines get blurred and we get confused.

In fact, there's research done by Susan Fisk and Chris Malone, and they say, be warm to people, be open and approachable.

But if you're overly nice, overly kind, overly polite, that's when you get rolled.

You want to find that beautiful balance where I'm a professional.

But at the same time, I maintain my authority.