Before you see the results I'm about to show you and how I achieved it, I need to take you back to the beginning.

It started as an innocent fitness goal.

Hello, it's day two of my fitness series vlog.

I'm so sorry, I really do suck at vlogging because I forgot to vlog my lunch and my snack but clearly I'm not going to show you guys everything that I do.

So basically I had like apple cucumber salad for lunch.

For dinner, I mean this is very little but it's because I ate so much cookies.

It's my cheat day but two celery sticks and then some hummus.

I mean I had a friend over and we made Omeo cookies and I kind of went overboard which

I shouldn't have.

I lost control, didn't really lose control actually.

So I think the reason I may have eaten more than usual is because I didn't work out today and I found something.

When I don't work out on a day, it is so much easier for me to eat unhealthy.

So right now it's like dark outside but I'm going to go on like a really long walk and then after I'm going to do like a 45 minute cardio routine then I got to film a video.

So let's see how this goes.

Oh my gosh, this pimple is so bad.

Normal.

I'm a normal child.

Bye.

Then it spiraled into a destructive weight loss journey.

It's day six, okay.

It's been one week really and I already feel like I'm losing something.

I don't know.

I feel like I'm like losing weight.

I'm kind of having a mild craving for something sweet.

Just an update, I'm on my walk right now after I ate one cookie and some cookie dough.

Okay honestly, I don't even remember everything I ate today but from what I remember, it just, it didn't add up to a lot of calories so I'm fine.

I'm going to eat this.

Not the entire thing, don't worry.

I'm going to eat like a quarter of it and then I'm going to work out a little more because

I feel like it.

The thing is with eating, it's like once you start, you want to keep eating, if that makes sense.

Like it's hard to just cut it off.

Like I want to eat something else.

I think I'm going to eat more of that noodle.

Yeah.

Oh, I feel so bad.

Don't want to feel super bloated from eating this.

Okay, I'm going to eat more.

Gosh.

I can't seem to lose weight.

This is so hard.

You know what?

Nobody's perfect.

You're going to have slip ups.

Guys, I don't know what to do because I'm clearly failing.

I'm not going to lose weight after today.

I felt lost and confused because I failed so many times.

Okay, honestly, it's so stupid that I'm even crying about weight loss because I should not be.

It's like stupid.

Every time I've done it, I always lose.

I always binge in the end or something, and then I cannot get back up.

I'm stuck.

I don't know what to do.

My behavior made me lose respect for myself, and it shattered my confidence.

When I'm binging and eating, like I feel a little bit powerless and weak.

I think about how I think about myself, and it's not nice.

It has never really affected me, but lately it has been, and I think it's just the fact with dating and everything.

It sounds pathetic, but I don't even feel comfortable being in a relationship.

The only one in my family that struggles with the eating issues, and that's why I am a lot chubbier than the rest of my family.

I know I'm going to get through this.

I know I'm going to reach my dream body, but...

And then, I just didn't trust myself anymore.

Food controlled my life, and I felt hopeless.

Oh my, I'm sorry.

It's so hard to even see myself in this state.

I really don't want to wear these jeans because they just make me look so bad.

I mean, I could just wear my sweats again, but even my sweats are starting to get tight on me.

And eventually you go numb, because you can't break a heart that's already broken.

But there are always glowing stars in an otherwise slow, dark night.

Those stars can be hope and faith, power and pride.

Everybody has pages in their story they don't read out loud, but I'm choosing to read mine out loud, because maybe someone out there needs to hear the lesson I learned.

Nobody is going to come and save you.

You have to save yourself.

I can't explain it.

So it's the night before I go to work out with Steve for the first time ever, and honestly,

I'm so dedicated.

I feel so committed, like, this is it.

It's only day five.

How is this even possible?

But I don't know, I've never been so excited for something.

It's good to have someone that's holding you accountable, too.

Yes.

Like, I don't want to go in, and then after all that work we did, I'm like, I'm sorry,

I ate like five cookies, so like, no progress.

No, okay, no, no, no, we're going to cut that out.

I can't eat simple carbs like white rice.

Oh, it's enough.

Yeah.

Not anything.

That's enough.

Cauliflower rice.

The waitress just said she's going to bring bread out.

Okay, now I'm understanding why this is a little difficult.

I'm not sure what Steve would say about these crispy wonton things.

I feel like it tastes better with the crispy wonton.

Honestly, we're a bit tempting, the bread was a bit tempting, but I turned it all down.

How's the pizza, Mom?

I'm not usually a fan of pizza, but like, I just want something, Dad.

I really want some ruffles.

JoJo, will you come downstairs with me to the market cafe?

No, you don't need anything.

Oh, truth is, guys, I messed up on turkey day.

Let's talk about what I ate.

So, the huge Thanksgiving food, pumpkin pie.

I may or may not have had like three slices.

Bark thins, almost the whole bag, and some ruffles, and a slice of pizza.

This is an absolute disaster.

You know, Steve says cheat meal, I had a cheat day.

I don't know, it's all my fault though, and I feel so guilty.

Like, I don't know what Steve's gonna say.

It sort of turned into a cheat day.

I feel so terrible, like literally one week in, I'm already like cheating like the entire day.

But the reality is, I do not want you to feel bad when you cheat the whole day.

It was Thanksgiving.

I'm not one of those people, oh, like this.

Because then you have a really bad relationship with food.

I do not want that.

I like stopped my cardio five minutes in because I felt so freaking sick.

Technically before, I had some sugar for breakfast.

I had French toast.

Eating again.

Dad, I gotta stop eating.

Moving without getting any closer, oh.

I'm chasing fire when I'm running after you.

I feel really trapped.

I mean, I should be able to just come out and say it, but like, I feel like I need to fix this myself.

I am like in so much stress right now before going to my workout.

Okay, deep breaths.

Deep breaths.

So last night, I had a really vivid and intense dream.

So last night, as I was falling asleep, I was like half asleep.

And I started like dreaming about something to do with food.

And it was like not good.

I don't know.

I just remember it was negative and it had to do with food.

I woke up and was like, whoa.

Went back to sleep.

And then I ended up dreaming that I so badly wanted these like chocolate things.

And my mom just kept chasing me down and getting so unbelievably mad if I had bought one.

Because if there's one thing about me, no matter how low, how far it gets, every time I fail, I fail, I fail, I will never, ever give up on myself.

I know I will find an approach that works.

I just got to keep trying and not give up.

And I'm going to try this.

I'm going to try to rewire my neural associations.

Eliminate the cue and your habit will never start.

Reduce the craving and you won't experience enough motivation.

Behavior is insufficient in any of the four stages.

It will not become a habit.

I'm looking at my behavior.

I'm like, well, it seems like a future which is actually worth remembering in the future.

Your brain is in the war, tic-tac-toe.

It's called a marshmallow dream bar.

They don't just call it a Rice Krispie treat.

The amygdala detects the picture very rapidly before it gets to consciousness and then activates the appropriate emotions.

It's always around this time that I start to get quite hungry.

What are you cooking tonight?

It's always easy in the moment when I'm actually eating something.

It's when I stop eating.

There is nothing to be afraid of.

They are just thoughts.

Simply just thoughts.

I understood myself only after I destroyed myself.

And only in the process of fixing myself did I know who I really was.

When you heal, people typically think of returning to how you were before your problems.

But there is no going back.

You do not merely recover, but reinvent yourself.

You become something completely different from what you were before.