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It's like, I don't know what it is.
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It doesn't do shit.
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Oh, what the fuck?
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Pat me down right now.
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Pat you down right now?
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Pat me down right now.
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No, for real, do this, man.
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What?
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Pat me down.
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Pat you down right now?
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You've got to do it, man.
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Why do I not?
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So I don't like, there's something about this,
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I don't like one bit.
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Step away from the car.
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OK, you want me to?
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No, no, no, put your hands down.
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Put your hands down like a normal person.
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I'm going to take my hands out of my pocket, right, real, real, real slow.
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OK, real slow, all right?
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OK, y'all understand?
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OK, now look here.
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Now, I wanted to ask you both a question about the contents of my pockets, OK?
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Our first question was going to be, do you have any illicit substances in your pockets?
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All of a sudden, this is like Jeopardy, where the question gets put to us, and then we have a, what the hell?
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Now, OK, do this.
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Set those down.
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Set these down.
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Just set them all down.
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Set them all down.
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Now, so I put my hands back in my pocket?
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No, this time now, let's keep them up at our sides.
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All right.
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OK, let me just set up a scenario for y'all.
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OK, like a scene, a setting, an example.
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Are you going to tell us something?
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Yes.
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A gentleman was careening down the street, OK, and bumped into me.
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Moving very quickly.
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Now, listen, man.
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I don't know if y'all believe in God, but I believe in God, OK?
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And I'm going to tell you what happened.
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Every one of them bottles have flown up into the air, and they have flown into my pockets.
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And that was God knowing that I was having,
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I was feeling a little down, a little blue last week, OK?
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And he provided you with five oxygen bottles.
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So the Lord provided for me.
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Hey, you want to throw those on for me?
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OK.
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Thank you.
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Yeah, that'd be great.
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That'd be great.
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Thanks.
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I'll take a half, too.
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Oh, you want a half?
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Oh, you took a whole one?
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How much you supposed to take?
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Half.
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Oh.
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I'll drive.
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Yeah, maybe you should drive.
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I'd be more than happy to drive.
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You're good.
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You're good.
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Holograph day.
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Holograph.
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I have a question in response to a rumor.
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Is it true that you're strong enough to peel fruit with your private parts?
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Yes.
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How do you do that?
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I'm confused and roused.
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And yet you're working in law enforcement.
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I don't get it.
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There are exercises a woman can do.
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Are there workout tapes for those exercises?
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Not that I know of.
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That's not true.
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That's not true.
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They're called Kegels.
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Kegel won't peel a kiwi.
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It's not a Kegel.
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It's like a variation on a Kegel.
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It's not a Kegel.
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It's a backdoor Kegel?
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Backdoor Kegels?
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That's not what it's called.
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Well, what is it?
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Which door are we talking about?
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Yeah, which door are we talking about?
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What part of the door do you use to?
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What part of the fruit do you use?
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The inner door.
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I don't think there's even a kitchen appliance that peels a kiwi.
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OK, turn it off.
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Go get a kiwi.
