Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles It's a Nintoaster. And yes, it works. He's gonna take you back to the past To play the shitty games that suck ass He'd rather have a buffalo Take a diarrhea dump in his ear He'd rather eat the rotten asshole Of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd He's the Angry Atari Sega Nerd He's the Angry Video Game Nerd Are you ready for some action? Some Action 52? I suppose so, because I get requests for this game all the time, like this one right here. "Action 52. Fuck this game, please do a review of it. You asshole. Thanks." Wow. I guess I gotta do it now. Let's start with the cartridge. It's the freak misfit of the NES library. Games came in gray, black, blue, silver, gold, but clear? You can tell just by looking at it, this is a game that's so bad, it has nothing to hide. Another thing, if you play it for more than an hour, not that you'd want to, it gets really hot and smells like burning plastic. It's not because of the toaster. The same thing happens if you play it in the top-loader. Not only is this game crap, but it's crap that comes with a price: $199. That's a lot of money, but there's 52 games, so let me calculate this. $199 divided by 52 equals... uh... well, you gotta pay tax, too, so let's just say $4 a game. Wow. What a deal! 52 action-packed games bundled into one cartridge? All for an efficient price? It was every kid's dream. More games! More games! Yeah! Lights... ...camera... ...Action 52! Awww! Where'd they get the music? [hip-hop] Okay, um, the significance? "It Takes Two", Action 52? [GAME] Make your selection now. [AVGN] Well, let's get this thing started. We're gonna have ourselves a little marathon here and determine if the $199 was worth it. Game #1, "Firebreather". Okay, well, it's pretty self-explanatory. And would you know this is the only game on the entire cartridge that's two players only? Gee, which game should we start with? Well, how 'bout the only game you can't play alone? Well, that's $4 wasted already. #2, "Starevil". Who's gonna dodge that?! Nobody! Not the first time! You'd have to know, "Oh, this is gonna be a vertical 2D shooter," "and there's gonna be an obstacle immediately at the start of the game." That's one way to get you on your toes. Other than that, it's real easy. As long as you keep firing, none of the enemies come anywhere near you. I guess that makes sense. If I was an intergalactic vacuum cleaner getting shot at, I'd be like "Oh, fucking hell!" "There's a menorah shooting Q-Tips, get outta the way!" Not even the first level boss wants to be involved. Sometimes, it doesn't show up at all, and you're stuck in a dead-end. What happened? Did the game give up? Ugh, that's another $4. Next. #3, "Illuminator". You're not even allowed to see in this game? Real fun idea. For a room that has about a thousand lightbulbs, it sure goes dark a lot. And they're just decoration. Thought you could light a room with a light? No, you gotta kill vampires. But after you've killed one, you only get one second before the room goes dark again. Who wants to play a game that's pitch black? It's so black I can see my reflection in the screen. The question is, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. And no, you can't go any higher. This is it. Great fucking game. #4, "G-Force Fgt." ...what? Or, just "G-Force". It's another 2D shooter. You know what? This would be okay for Atari 2600. The only two controls are move and shoot. This game was made in 1991, the same year Super NES came out. Not to mention, if you want to play a good 2D side-scroller game on the NES, try fuckin' Lifeforce. And what is this anyway? An inside-out dolphin shooting at roadkill toads? I don't know, I'm just using my imagination. That's all you have when you play this miserable pile of goat shit. #5, "Ooze". [sarcasm] Oh, wow! A title screen? Really? [normal] Oh my god, it's... it's... Shitpickle shitpickle shitpickle... Whoa-hoa! ...shitpickle shitpickle shitpickle... Whoa! ...shitpickle... Pickle! Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shit. Ahahahah. Shitpickle. Alrighty then, okay. Well, this is the first game that uses the B button. For jumping! Any gamer who grew up with Super Mario Bros. expects A to jump. But that's the least of our worries. To jump over a hole, you have to tap the B button, and then press over. If you're holding the B button, like you normally would, it locks you vertically, until you let go. It's an anomaly of game programming. You know what's really weird? Whenever you restart the menu, it always starts at Ooze. Is that the programmers' personal recommendation? Well, so far, every one of these games is a bomb! But out of 52, I'm sure that eventually we'll find one that's decent. I hope! #6, "Silver Sword". Well, green, green, and more green. What is this? A cabbage patch on a golf course? Infested with killer scrotums? This is a disgrace to the NES, the same platform that brought us games like Legend of Zelda. Silver Sword. The sword isn't even silver! Maybe it's corroded. #7, "Critical BP." Or "Crytical Bypass". Oh, now it's spelled with a Y? Ugh, that's dreadful. It's like an optical illusion. Well, that's pretty bad, when the game causes eyestrain and you can't even fucking look at it. What is this, anyway? A pogo ball on a Segway shooting at birthday presents? Ugh, Crytical Bypass! It's critical that you bypass this game! #8, "Jupiter Scope". Nice. Another space shooter. This time, you're a dead whale shooting at flaming condoms. That's what it looks like! The screen never moves. It's like Space Invaders, except without many invaders. Half the time, you're just sitting around waiting! Come on, give me something to shoot at! Losing at this game is impossible. Just hold down the fire button and move back and forth. Okay, what's next? #9, "Alfredo". Or, "Alfred n' the Fettuc". Yeah, fettuc! You never heard of fettuc? What happened? Where's the fucking game? [crickets] Well, there's no game here. What happened? Did the programmers pass out, or did they just figure nobody would check all 52 games? Well, that's $4 wasted. But I guess I can't say I'm really too excited over playing a game called Alfredo, also known as "Alfred n' the Fettuc". #10, "Operation Full Moon". Now that's puke green if I ever saw it. The nauseating hue combined with a texture of vomit makes me think that this game ate Silver Sword and barfed it out. #11, "Dam Busters". Those damn busters. Well, it should've been called "Alien Beaver Tomato Fight". That's all it is! You're a beaver shooting tomatoes and navigating through a maze. Oops, dead end. What the shit? You can't go back?! I'm trapped?! You're shitting me! This game is shitting me. #12, "Thrusters". Another space shooter. Well, it's the same game as before, just different graphics. Where do they come up with these objects? I'm running out of imagination here. I can't decipher anything- especially when the game starts having a fucking seizure! #13, "Haunted Hill". Wow, a human being. I can't believe it actually looks like something. Man, her boobs are bigger than her head. It's a shitty side-scroller with the same bad controls as Ooze. Sadly, it's the best game so far. Out of the way, you fucking ghosts, here comes Mrs. Tits, jumping like she's on the moon! Die, you onion face balloon floating, uh... thing! I died? By touching the air?! #14, "Chill Out". I wish I could chill out! This is horrendous! This one's basically an Eskimo snowball massacre. Climb down shits and ladders and throw snowballs. What this? I died in mid-air?! That seems to be a theme we're running into here. This game... doesn't even care it sucks. Gee, how much money did we waste so far? Like, $56, I think? That's already exceeded the average price of a Nintendo game. #15, "Sharks". Yeah. Sharks. Sometimes sharks. Most of the time not. Well, you're stuck on this one screen, but you sure have full rein. You can swim through the ocean floor. And that's all it is. Just hope for sharks to come and... shoot 'em. #16, "Megalonia". Another space shooter?! Flying through McDonald's arches? No thanks! #17, "French Baker". Oh, man! You're a chef and the kitchen is really getting out of hand. Everything's trying to kill you, hoagies, envelopes, and doughnuts. And what do you do? Hit 'em with your rolling pin, and don't drop down. You'll disintegrate. That's always nice. #18, "Atmos Quake". Ugh, another space shooter?! I pass. [sigh] I'm only up to #19? Geez... fuck! #19, "Meong". What... the... fuck?! Okay, get this. You move from square to square, hoping that the next square won't make you explode. So, it's like a memory game that can only be done with trial and error. Good lord. #20, "Space Dreams". Oh, my! What's this gonna be? Why, of course! Another space shooter! This time, you're a pacifier shooting at weird dolls, rabbits, and safety pins. Safety pins as enemies in a video game... Where do they come up with this stuff? Gee, what kind of enemy could I have for this game? I have 32 games left I have to program, so I have to hurry up. Ah, safety pin! That'll be perfect! [typing] Next game. #21, "Streemerz". You're a clown climbing up platforms like Spider-Man. Ooh, a rabbit in a hat. What does that do? Nothing at all. A bag of money? How about that? It turns into a green frowning face? Is that supposed to teach you a lesson that taking money is greedy? No, I think I'm reading way too deep into it. Oh, then the game crashes. Good. #22, "Spread Fire". What is this? They should've called this "Shooter Games 52"! This time, you're a lobster. You don't go anywhere, and half the time, there's nothing to shoot at. These kind of games must have been the easiest to design. Make a black background, cover it in dots, and call it space. You know what? It's getting old. #23, "Bublgum Rosy". Or, "Bubble Gum Rossie." [sarcasm] Yay! I've always wanted to play a game where I'm a little girl shooting bubbles! [normal] Wait a minute, you can't even kill people? Well, what do you expect? They're bubbles. You can jump on the enemies. Or wait... can you? And falling in spikes... doesn't hurt you. This game... has no rules. #24, "Micro Mike". Wow! Look out, Micro Mike! You're going too fast! Even if you have the quickest reflexes, you'll never be able to avoid the walls or other random objects that stand in your way. If only Micro Mike would slow the fuck down! #25, "Underground". Well, at least it looks like underground. Wait a minute, this guy can fall down 50 feet and survive, but if he touches the mushrooms, he spins around like a bowling pin and dies? And what am I supposed to do here? What do I do? Wow, 25 shitty games... and still going. This is an endurance, man. I've never played such a huge compilation of crap in my life. Was the whole idea to make so many shitty games that there'd be no more shitty games left to make? Out of all these, there's got to be at least one that's... tolerable. #26, "Rocket Jock". Or, "Rocket Jockey". [sigh] You're a cowboy on a rocket with a lasso. If you actually used the lasso, that would be kinda cool. But I guess they figured they didn't have enough games that shoot. Yeah, kill those cows. Turn them into, uh... a bowl of cereal with a puppy dog. #27, "Non Human". Well, isn't that an appropriate title? Everything about these games are non-human. Except for that very human-like face. Or are they aliens? What are these for? Other than the faces just being the area where you die, which takes up half the screen.