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I'll tell you my favorite tool.
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This is called the 10-minute rule.
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And the 10-minute rule says you can give in to any distraction, any distraction.
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Maybe it's smoking that cigarette if you're trying to quit.
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Maybe it's eating that piece of chocolate cake if you're on a diet.
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Maybe it's checking social media, whatever it is.
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Whatever distraction, you can give in to that distraction, but not right now.
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You can give in in 10 minutes.
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Don't misunderstand, not for 10 minutes.
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Sometimes people get it wrong.
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It's in 10 minutes, okay?
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So what does that do?
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You're allowing yourself to acknowledge that you are in control, that you decide.
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What many people do is they have strict abstinence, right?
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Strict abstinence says, no, I will not do it, right?
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I won't eat sugar.
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I won't get distracted.
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I will do this.
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I will do that.
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As opposed to saying, hey, I'm an adult.
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I can do whatever I want.
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I choose not to go off track for the next 10 minutes.
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That's it.
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In 10 minutes, I can give in to whatever I want.
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So now I'm in control. You know, the whole "just say no" technique turns out makes you ruminate and think about and have more discomfort around the thing you want, increasing these internal triggers.
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And that actually is what makes you give into that distraction.
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We know that with smoking, actually, it's very interesting.
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We're finding that nicotine is less and less part of the reason people get addicted to cigarettes.
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It's more about the rumination around, "I want to smoke, but I can't.
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I want to smoke, but I shouldn't.
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I want to smoke.
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I want to smoke.
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I want to smoke.
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Fine, I'll finally smoke.
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Now I get relief." How do we know this?
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You ask smokers, why do they smoke?
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The number one reason is relaxing.
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That makes no sense.
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Nicotine is a stimulant.
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Makes no sense, right?
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Why would it be relaxing?
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It's relaxing because finally, I can stop telling myself I don't have to do it anymore.
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I don't have to fight with myself anymore.
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That eases that psychological reactance.
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Ha, I can finally give in. So when you use this 10-minute rule and say, "Okay, I can give into that distraction in 10 minutes from now," what you're doing is you're establishing agency, right?
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Now you're in control and we can do anything for 10 minutes.
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And if 10 minutes feels like too long, try the five-minute rule.
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The idea is that you're building that ability over time.
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So the 10-minute rule becomes the 12-minute rule, becomes the 15-minute rule.
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And you're learning, wait a minute, I can't actually delay gratification.
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Remember, all these problems of distraction are an impulse control issue.
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So when you teach yourself, "Wait a minute, okay, I can delay for five, 10 minutes.
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That's no big deal," you're proving to yourself, "Hey, I'm not addicted to these things.
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I'm not powerless.
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My brain isn't being hijacked.
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I do have control as long as I use these practices, right?" So the 10-minute rule is a very, very effective technique.
