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  • - PORTIA AND I DID SO MUCH THIS PAST WEEKEND.

  • LISTEN TO THESE ACTIVITIES:

  • TENNIS, GOLF, BALLROOM DANCING, MOTOCROSS RACING.

  • THOSE WERE ALL THINGS WE SAW ON TV.

  • [laughter and applause]

  • WE SAW ALL OF THAT.

  • AND WE SAW SOME FOOTBALL.

  • WE WATCHED SOME FOOTBALL AS WELL,

  • WHICH MEANS WE SAW A LOT OF COMMERCIALS

  • AND LEARNED SOME INTERESTING THINGS.

  • NUMBER ONE: PIZZA HUT IS WILLING TO SHOVE ANYTHING

  • INTO ITS CRUST.

  • [laughter]

  • [chuckles]

  • NUMBER TWO: EVERY OTHER COMMERCIAL

  • IS FOR CIALIS.

  • [laughter]

  • THE THING ABOUT THE CIALIS COMMERCIALS IS,

  • THEY SHOW COUPLES DOING ACTIVITIES TOGETHER,

  • AND THE HUSBAND GETS IN THE "MOOD" DOING--

  • YOU KNOW, SOME OF THE ACTIVITIES ARE NORMAL.

  • TENNIS-- YOU SEE THE TENNIS, YOU KNOW,

  • AND THEN HE HITS HER ON HER BUTT, YOU KNOW.

  • IT'S THE BEGINNING OF KNOWING HE'S IN THE MOOD

  • WHEN IT GOES...

  • THEN THERE'S RANDOM ACTIVITIES LIKE--

  • HAVE YOU SEEN THE PAINTING THE BENCH?

  • THEY'RE PAINT--OR THEY'RE PRETENDING TO PAINT A BENCH.

  • THERE'S NOTHING ON THE BRUSH.

  • THEY'RE--

  • AND HE'S REALLY TURNED ON BY THAT.

  • TAKE A LOOK.

  • - YOU MAKE A GREAT TEAM.

  • IT'S BEEN THAT WAY SINCE THE DAY YOU MET.

  • BUT YOUR ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION?

  • IT COULD BE A QUESTION OF BLOOD FLOW.

  • CIALIS TADALAFIL FOR DAILY USE

  • HELPS YOU BE READY ANY TIME THE MOMENT'S RIGHT.

  • YOU CAN BE MORE CONFIDENT IN YOUR ABILITY TO BE READY.

  • [laughter and applause]

  • - IF THAT TURNS HIM ON, WHAT DOESN'T?

  • ACTUALLY, I CAN'T TELL

  • IF SEEING HIS WIFE PAINTING A BENCH GETS HIM EXCITED,

  • OR HE NEEDS TO TAKE CIALIS,

  • OR IF HE ALREADY TOOK IT AND THE CIALIS IS KICKING IN

  • AT THE WRONG TIME.

  • AND THEN THE NEW--

  • HAVE YOU SEEN THE VIAGRA COMMERCIAL?

  • THEY HIRED A WOMAN.

  • FOR THE FIRST TIME,

  • THEY HAVE A WOMAN SPOKESPERSON.

  • AND SHE IS VERY, VERY BLUNT.

  • - [English accent] SO, GUYS,

  • IT'S JUST YOU AND YOUR HONEY.

  • THE SETTING IS PERFECT.

  • BUT THEN ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION HAPPENS AGAIN.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • PLENTY OF GUYS HAVE THIS ISSUE--

  • NOT JUST GETTING AN ERECTION, BUT KEEPING IT.

  • WELL, VIAGRA HELPS GUYS WITH E.D.

  • GET AND KEEP AN ERECTION,

  • AND YOU ONLY TAKE IT WHEN YOU NEED IT.

  • ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF VIAGRA IS RIGHT FOR YOU.

  • [laughter]

  • - SO SHE'S BRITISH.

  • SHE CAN MAKE ANYTHING SOUND CLASSY, BUT--

  • I'M NOT SURE IF I MENTIONED THIS BEFORE,

  • BUT VIAGRA ORIGINALLY ASKED ME TO DO THE COMMERCIAL

  • AND BE THEIR SPOKESPERSON.

  • AND I DID IT, AND I THOUGHT IT WENT WELL,

  • BUT I GUESS THEY DECIDED TO GO WITH HER.

  • BUT HERE'S THE COMMERCIAL THAT I MADE FOR THEM.

  • - [English accent] HELLO, MEN.

  • IT'S ME, ELLEN DEGENERES.

  • [normal voice] LISTEN, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.

  • I DON'T HAVE AN ACCENT,

  • AND WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR...

  • DOWNSTAIRS AREA,

  • I DON'T KNOW HOW ANY OF IT WORKS,

  • AND FRANKLY, I DON'T CARE.

  • BUT I KNOW WHEN YOU CAN'T

  • WAKE UP SLEEPY JOE, IT'S A NIGHTMARE.

  • IT'S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.

  • PLENTY OF MEN CAN'T GET THEIR NOODLES AL DENTE.

  • SO IF YOUR SOLDIER WON'T SALUTE,

  • THEN VIAGRA IS FOR YOU.

  • SURE, THERE'S LOTS OF "PROBLEMS" IN THE WORLD--

  • CRIME, THE ECONOMY, GLOBAL WARMING--

  • BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT.

  • WE NEED TO FIX YOUR...

  • [whistles]

  • [imitates explosion]

  • ALL YOU NEED IS ONE OF THESE LITTLE BLUE PILLS.

  • I FELL OFF THE BED.

  • [chuckles]

  • BUT I HAVE TO WARN YOU,

  • IF YOU HAVE DIZZINESS, DIFFICULTY SLEEPING,

  • OR IF YOUR COBRA REMAINS CHARMED FOR MORE THAN FOUR HOURS,

  • PLEASE, PLEASE SEE A DOCTOR.

  • SO IF YOU THINK VIAGRA IS RIGHT FOR YOU,

  • TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR OR YOUR HEALTH CARE PROVIDER.

  • JUST DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.

  • YUCKY.

  • [laughter]

  • [cheers and applause]

- PORTIA AND I DID SO MUCH THIS PAST WEEKEND.

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Ellen's Viagra Commercial

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    water7254 posted on 2014/10/13
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