Come on, Granny George, there are a bunch of candles.

Yeah, I prefer my phase medium rare, not char-grilled.

Why are there so many candles?

I'm only 63.

Sorry, we didn't know exactly how old you were, so we based it on looks.

Do you need some help blowing them out?

Kid, I raised your dad by myself.

It's not the first time I've had to put out a fire.

I think it's time for a toast.

Thank you.

And now for your birthday surprise.

The alphabet of my mom.

A is for amazing, because that's what you are.

B is for breakfast, one of my 12 favorite mealtimes.

And because you're amazing, Mom.

Nicole, I just wanted to say that you look really average today.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you look like someone drew an ugly face on a butt with a...

Wait, what?

Did you just say average?

That's got to be the least offensive thing you've ever said to me.

Do you need a lie-down?

Yeah, and you gave us real candy instead of your expired fungus medication.

And your face looks wrong.

It's like your mouth is upside down.

It's almost as if you are smiling.

Why?

Because I like them.

And Z is for zebra, an amazing mythical creature, but not as amazing as you, Mom.

Thank you, Richard.

Like every year, that was a nice surprise.

And while we're on the topic, I also have a surprise for all of you.

Surprise!

Sorry, sir.

We already got a surprise here.

We don't need any more.

Nice to meet you, sir.

This is Louie.

He's my boyfriend.

Huh?

Dear, are you all right?

What's with the voice?

I don't know.

It just felt appropriate.

Dad, wake up!

Get the first aid kit.

Clear!

That's so much in common.

I can't wait till we get there.

If you have something to say, then you should share it with the whole family.

To be honest with you, I have no idea what he said.

My hearing isn't what it used to be.

Me neither.

I was just laughing and hoping it wasn't a question.

We've got so much in common.

Yeah, we're both falling apart.

So, Louie, what career plans do you have?

None.

He's got no prospects.

Actually, I'm retired.

Come on, Nicole.

Laugh at him with me.

Come on, kids.

Say something mean and ironic about him.

No?

Fine.

I'll do it myself.

Where did you retire from?

Santa's factory?

Because you're small!

Burn!

Why did you steal my mom?

Is it me, or is the atmosphere a little heavy?

Well, that was very nice.

Catch you later, cottontail.

Get out of my house!

Uh, he just did.

Now get out of my house!

You're the one who dragged me back here, son.

Call me son one more time!

I dare you!

I double dare you!

You mother-robber!

Kids, come over here.

Okay, you grab this arm.

Now you take my leg.

Let me at him!

Let me at him!

You're lucky they're here, or you'd end up in a mobility scooter for the rest of your life!

Let me at him!

That's right!

Faster!

Faster, old man!

I'm trying, but this thing takes 20 minutes to go from zero to eight miles an hour.

What is father gonna say when he comes back?

Father?

Yeah!

You said he left to buy some milk 42 years ago.

He could be back any minute!