So here to communicate her secrets to us is psychotherapist Niro Feliciano and we always love when you're here. Good morning.

Welcome back. - Good morning.

So we always hear communication is so important but romantic, platonic, you know, but why and how do we lower our stress when it comes to communicating?

So this is the amazing thing.

There's this term called super communicators and what we know about them is they live longer, they live healthier they live happier so there's something to this end doors of opportunity open for them readily.

And really what it is, is it's four skills you need to learn.

Now I know I've talked about a lot of things here, but if there's anything you remember, take this.

Because it will transform your relationships instantly; work, parenting, couples relationships, all of it.

Okay. - Oh, I thought you were ready to give us the four things.

No, you have to ask her.

Okay, alright, first step in improving our communication style.

Yes, so you know, a lot of times when we're in a conversation we're already formulating our own response.

Especially conflict, something will trigger you, you stop listening, you start thinking, "How can I prove that I'm right?"

Or that "I'm smarter than you."

So communicators listen to understand not respond.

They approached the conversation with curiosity, genuinely interested, so they can learn.

So really they're super learners, super listeners.

So good. You know who's, to me, is like the poster child for that. It's Harry Smith.

Like if you go up to him and you have a conversation with him he's just listening. He's not trying to have a response.

But anyway, speaking of response I think this is interesting.

You say you have to know what kind of conversation you're having. - Yes.

What do you mean by that?

Because not all conversations need the same response, and you can kind of break them up into these three groups.

They're social. That's anything from office gossip to what your family does, your values.

A lot of times that has to do with our identity, how we see the world, how others see us.

Just know you may have a difference in perspective in those types of conversations.

Emotional.

This is when someone comes to you and says I've had such a stressful day or things with my kids are so stressful. They are not asking for your advice first, and we're quick to give it.

They want empathy.

"Gosh that must have been really frustrating for you," or "I'm so sorry that you're going through that."

If you can do that, they feel heard and understood, and then they will hear you.

And then practical. That's advice-giving.

We're trying to solve problems. They're asking you for your feedback, be ready to share something in that conversation.

Okay, so when it comes to listening, when we're in a conversation, how can we prove to that person, "All right, I'm receiving what you're saying and I hear it"?

And this is especially important in conflict but in any conversation.

First of all, I can ask you, "So how did your kids like the eclipse?"

Do you want to answer? - Yeah

They loved it.

They loved it, so as you told me before, you know, you said they're curious for information and they can handle the facts.

So what I just did was I repeated back to you in my own words what you said to show you that I was listening.

And then you can also ask if it's a lot of material, "Did I get that right?"

So that gives them a chance to clarify.

You maintain, Niro, that it's also very important how we ask questions and to not interrupt while we're getting the answer. Why is that so important?

Because when you are interrupting, it communicates to the person what they have to say is not important.

This is hard 'cause some people are just interrupters, but ask deep questions to get to know people.

"Why?" You know, "What led you to become a journalist?"

Not just "what do you do?"

"What do you love about your job?"

And even the why question can be paralyzing, so remember this for your teenagers.

Ask "What made you think that?"

"What made you do that?"

Because I found as the therapist, they think outside of themselves and then they can find an answer.

So not like, "Why did you... " It's like "What made you...? What made you...?"

That's good. -Stop interrupting.

I know. That's good.

Niro, thank you so much.