So as you can see by my accent, I'm not from here.

I am from uh Mississippi.

It's an amazing country.

No, I am from Brazil.

I am Brazilian.

So yeah, I wax my vagina.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm very proud.

Thank you very much.

I am uh 67 and, and Latino uh combination that is pretty fucking common, you know.

Yeah, it's fucking ridiculous.

When I hang out with my Latino friends.

I look like I'm their leader.

I'm 67 because my father is Latino and my mom is Chewbacca too.

She loves this joke, by the way, she loves this joke and she always laughs like that's my people.

Don't believe that I, that I am Latino people.

Look at me think that I'm a drug dealer from Croatia.

Oh I don't understand why it's because my passport says that I'm a Latino, but my accent says I'm Dracula.

Maybe that's what people really don't believe that I am Latino.

Let me tell you a story.

I got an Uber the other day.

OK?

With an Asian lady.

She heard my accent on the phone.

She got a little curious to know where I was from.

So she asked me, where are you from?

And I said, I'm from Brazil, I'm Latino.

And she said, no, you're fucking not.

You are fucking not.

So, if you're Latino, prove it to me.

So I rocked her.

Not dollars.

That I'm just kidding.

Relax.

I'm just kidding.

That's not true.

That's not true.

I'm just kidding.

I stabbed her.

She's, she's dead, she's dead and we can all laugh.

It's OK.

I uh come from a tropical country.

So of course, II I hate your fucking weather so much.

I hate your weather.

I don't get it.

You know, I live in New York but it's incomprehensible.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, I come from Brazil.

I don't care.

It's New York.

Fucking sucks.

I, the other day was 30 degrees in New York.

30 degrees like very cold next day, 40 degrees, much colder.

What the fuck is that?

What the fuck?

So then I scroll down on my phone and I saw this little information.

40 degrees feels like a oh, so if it feels like 18, it's fucking 18.

What matters is what I feel.

Ok.

Not a number.

I'm trying to go out, I'm not trying to plant corn.

So what matters is what I feel if you're a middle class and it feels like you are poor.

You are fucking poor though.

Sorry, I uh I arrived here three years ago, still learning the language English is a very difficult language and you guys make English even more difficult than it should be.

I don't know why I saw the other day a person saying, don't call me he or she call me.

They, and I was like, what the fuck?

It took me three years to learn.

I am.

You are his.

I worked very hard on this.

So change your gender.

But don't change your grammar.

Please don't watch your grammar because it's confusing be whoever you want.

This is a free country and this is amazing.

But this whole gender neutral program, it's called Fey for me.

You know, let me tell you a story.

I invited a friend to have dinner at my house the other day and he was like, oh, I'm bringing a friend and I said, of course, bring him.

He was like, no, no, no, no, no, bring down.

So I bought a lot of food.

What?

OK, you are not.

I bought briskets and pizzas and pastas and my friend showed up at my house with one person.

So I said, where are they?

And he said they are here?

So you tell them that they're gonna eat all of this fucking, of course, that's the other day.

A guy came up to me and he asked me, oh, you're from Brazil, you're from Brazil.

I heard that Brazil is a, is a very violent country.

And I said, uh thanks for the information.

I never thought I would learn something new at Wendy's.

Yeah.

No wonder you're the employee of the month.

Travis.

I'm sure that soon you're gonna be shining your talent at Arby's because you are amazing.

I come from a violent country.

Brazil is a very violent country.

But let me tell you something, America.

America is also a violent country.

It's just that our violence comes from different places yet we are poor.

You are crazy.

We are hungry.

You are fucking insane.

And knowing that you guys are crazy.

What do you do?

You make guns legal?

That's smart.

I don now it's for protection.

It's because I need to protect what I own.

Have you noticed that people who say this are always the ones who don't own jack shit, protect what you own.

Well, nobody wants your Toyota George.

Nobody wants to break into your house and steal your fax machine.

I don't get it.

It's a violent country but it's not dangerous.

It's completely different because I live in New York and people are like, oh New York is very dangerous.

I have to be careful.

It's dangerous.

It's very dangerous.

Oh, yeah.

Go to Bolivia.

Let's see if we can find that it's not dangerous at all.

You know, sometimes I, I leave a comedy club at like three o'clock in the morning and I go home and I see a girl checking her phone on a dark corner by herself having a laugh and I come from a third world country.

So every time I see this, I think I'm going to rob this bitch just to teach her a lesson.

Ok?

Not dangerous.

No, you guys are just obsessed with violence.

You know you guys in this country, you guys shoot guns for fun.

That's fucking weird.

MIT I was in Vegas the other day, ok?

And my friend was like, you know what, let's shoot some guns.

And I said, OK, so who are we killing today?

Which regime are we overthrowing?

And he was like, no, no, no, no, no, it's just for fun.

Oh, that's a pretty unique way to have fun because I've never heard a gunshot in my country.

And I thought, wow, someone is having a great time.

Yeah.

Mhm.

Pop, pop, pop bachelor party.

I don't get it.

You guys here are obsessed with serial killers, you know, have this obsession with serial.

I don't understand why you guys keep giving series and TV, shows to horrible people in this country.

You know, people like Jeff Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, you know, Ellen degeneres.

I don't get why I don't understand, you know, serial killers.

They're just like comedians.

We are the same people.

We both dream of having a special on Netflix.

We are the same people.

It's the same thing.

It's the same.

I could never be a serial killer.

I have ad d it's too much planning, too much organizing, too much focus, you know, I can see myself killing a person spending the next four hours in the crime scene looking for my wallet.

One guys, I'm still learning and that's the thing.

You know, I come here to this country to learn a lot and, uh, every day I learn something new.

Uh I, the other day when I arrived here, as soon as I got here, I remember a cab driver told me Mr Brazilian, you can say whatever you want in this country, but please don't use the N word.

Our people are going to kick your ass, but he never told me what the hand word was, right?

What a fucking mystery.

Hey, so the past three years I have been avoiding all worse than stars with the LA which is making my life pretty fucking hard.

The other day are very beautiful and strong man.

Came up to me and he said, can I fuck your ass?

And I was like, no, uh maybe it was a pleasure.

Thank you very much guys.

Thank you.