I don't know if you've ever met one of those peaches, but

most two and three year olds, they laugh

at manufactured anger, performative anger.

You can go up to a kid that age

and just go “ahhh” and they're like...

And this kid's like “Mm-mm”.

I want to see your blood pressure spike, man.

The hardest I've ever seen him laugh.

It's not even close.

Was when he flushed my car keys down the toilet,

it was my fault, I guess.

I didn't hang them up.

I put them on the coffee table that I also bought, and...

I was laying on the couch.

You know, it was a long day. I see his little ass

come in the room, see the keys, and he's like...

And I go, “No, don't.”

He picks them up.

He goes, “Chase me...”

“...down the hall.”

I go, okay.

I give him a head start.

He's three.

When I stand up, I see him dip into the bathroom.

I'm like, “No.”

And when I get there...

...and I lose my shit,

I don't yell at him.

I'm just yelling at my life, you know?

I'm like, “Fuck!”

“No!”

“Fuck!”

And when I turn, he’s like “That’s what I‘m talkin’ about!”