I can save you time, ladies. I'm right here.

Yeah, Chandler, why don't you take a walk. This doesn't concern you.

We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.

What, that's terrible.

No, no, we do it every year.

Oh, well that makes it not terrible.

No, yeah, we never find them.

She's always bested us that wily minx.

Yeah, don't worry, we're just gonna search here for an hour and then we're gonna go over to Joey's and search, okay?

No, not okay. You can't look for Monica's presents.

Oh no, we have to.

No, you don't have to. And you can't because I live here too.

Well, then you should look with us.

Why?

Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?

No, I have a great idea for a present for her.

Oh, that's it? A great idea, okay.

Chandler, that's not enough.

What if she gets you a great present, two medium presents and a bunch of little presents and you've just got her one great present.

I mean, that's just gonna make her feel bad.

Why would you do that to her, Chandler, why? Why?

If I help, we could find them faster!

That's right.

Oh, oh! We have a live one!

Ah, it's a Macy's bag - Yeah.

Oh, who's it for?

Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch?

P.S. Chandler, I knew they'd break you.

Uh-oh, she may be onto us.

We are so gonna find them this year.

You know, when you guys said you were gonna go across the hall and look, you don't do that every year, do ya?

Yeah.

You don't, like, go into the back of my closet and look under my gym bag or anything?

No, we never do that. - No.

Because Joey gave me some stuff to store that I've never seen before in my life!

Okay, that did not just happen.

And these come in the shapes of your favorite Christmas characters, Santa, Rudolph and baby Jesus.

All right, I'll take a box of the creme filled Jesus's.

Wait a minute, one box? Come on, I'm trying to send a poor little girl to space camp.

I'm putting you down for five boxes.

Chandler, what about you?

Uh, all right, do you have any coconut flavored deities?

No, but there's coconut in the Hanukkah Men-Oreos.

I'll tell you what, I'll put you down for eight boxes, one for each night.

Mon?

All right, I'll take one box of the Mint Treasures, one, and that's it.

I started gaining weight after I joined the Brown Birds.

Remember?

Dad bought every one of my boxes and I ate them all.

No Mon, Dad had to buy every one of your boxes because you ate them all.

But, uh, you know I'm sure that's not gonna happen this time.

Why don't I just put you down for three of the Mint Treasures and just a couple of the Rudolphs.

No.

Ah, come on now.

You know you want 'em.

Don't, don't, don't do this.

I'll tell you what, Mon. I'll give you the first box for free.

Oh God, I gotta go!

Come on, all the cool kids are eating them.

Hey, Ben!

What if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights?

Cool!

Come on, Ben.

Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees.

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

Santa!

Hey!

What are you doing here, Santa?

Well, I'm here to see my old buddy, Ben.

What are you doing here, weird...

Turtle man?

I'm the Holiday Armadillo!

Your part Jewish friend.

You sent me here to give Ben some presents, remember?

What?

Thank you, happy holiday.

That's trash, young lady.

No, you can't...

Hey!

Stop that young lady!

She donated trash!

Hey!

The charity's on fire! Help!

Oh good, thank you, I need that.

Woo!

What is this?

It's 9 o'clock in the morning!

You know, I remember my father, all dressed up in the red suit, the big black boots and the patent leather belt, sneaking around downstairs.

He didn't want anybody to see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.

Oh, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.

Who said anything about Christmas?

Hi.

ey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet?

No, nothing.

I hope she's okay.

Yeah, I know exactly what she's going through.

How do you know exactly what she's going through?

She told us.

So what do ya got there, Monica?

Just some stuff for the party.

Hey, what are you guys doing here? Aren't you supposed to be Christmas shopping?

You guys haven't gotten your presents yet?

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!

What are you gonna do?

Don't you have to be claymation to say stuff like that?

Oh, by the way, Mon, I don't think the mailman liked your cookies.

Here are the ornaments your mom sent.

Well, maybe the mailman liked the cookies, we just didn't give him enough.

Monica, pigeons learn faster than you.

Hey, um, can I ask you guys something?

Sure.

Um, I don't have any brothers so I don't know but, uh, did you guys wrestle?

Oh yeah.

Oh, ho, all the time.

In fact, I was undefeated.

Welll, you weighed 200 pounds.

Still, I was quick as a cat.

Well, I met Danny's sister yesterday.

That was actually the girl on the subway. - Oh, you're kidding.

And, uh, yeah, they were very, you know, wrestle-y.

But I guess that's normal?

We don't, we don't wrestle now.

Not since I got too strong for you.

Too strong for me?

Yeah.

You wanna go right now?

Because I'll take you right now, buddy. You wanna go?

Oh fine.

Ready?

Wrestle!

You know what?

Actually, that's great. That helps a lot, thanks.

Hi, welcome to our tropical Christmas party.

You put your coats and sweaters and pants and shirts in the bedroom.

It's hard to tell because I'm sweating, but I use exactly what the gel bottle says.

An amount about the size of a pea.

How can that be too much?

Ice? Ice squares, anyone?

Take a napkin.

All right.

Monica.

Monica!

Monica, your guests are turning into jerky, okay?

Really?

I'm perfectly comfortable.

Hey, hey, hey, get in line buddy, I was next.

Hey.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Well, I thought a lot about what you said and I realized, maybe I was a little judgmental.

Yeah, oh, but oh.

Now Phoebe, remember, hey, they're just fulfilling their Christmas...

- Destiny. - Sure.

Yes.

Okay.

Yikes, that one doesn't look very fulfilled.

Oh, that's one of the old ones.

He's just taking it to the back.

You keep the old ones in the back?

That is so ageist.

We have to make room for the fresh ones.

So what happens to the old guys?

Well, they go into the chipper.

Why do I have a feeling that's not as happy as it sounds?

No, no!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey.

- Oh my God. - Hey.

Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle!

hat are you doing here?

I wanted to be with you.

I missed you so much.

Hey, hey, who'd you miss the most?

Monica.

Gotcha.

I never wanna leave you again.

I thought if you left, you'd get fired.

Turns out, they can't fire me.

Because I quit.

What?

What, you really quit your job?

Yeah. It was a stupid job and I could not stand leaving you.

And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he really wants to do?

What do you really want to do?

I have not thought this through.

Oh my God.

I know, I should have talked to you first about it.

No, I think that this is what you wanna do. I think it's great.

Thanks.

Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.

Aw.

Now give me my real gift.

Here, pass those around.

A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet.

How did you know?

Are you kidding?

I can't return this.

I thought it was time we started thinking about other people.

And besides, this gift still says I love you guys.

Mine says to Lilian Meyers.

I don't have a job.