It's not just organic food.

You got like organic bed sheets, organic hand soap.

I don't know about you guys, but growing up in my very Chinese family hand soap wasn't even a thing.

Hand soap used to be that piece of crap leftover soap that my dad's been washing his balls with for two months.

And he just puts it on a soap counter, you walk by, you rub your two fingers on it for good luck.

That was, that was hand soap.

Nobody got sick. It was fine.

Once in a while, you got a piece of pube, so what? You deal with it.

Now hand soap is so fancy, it's got its own aisle at the grocery stores,

because it's not about washing your hands anymore, it's a status symbol.

We go to our friend's house and judge how well they're doing by what kind of hand soap they got.

We've all done this.

You go to your friend's house.

He's got that green bar soap that says "Zest" on it,

that guy is a fxxking peasant.

Don't associate yourself with that kind of animal.

He's gonna ask you for money, you know what I mean?

And then next level up, you got like a $2 bottle of soft soap with the fish or the watermelon on it, you know?

I like that family.

That's the backbone of America.

It's the middle class Honda Civics of soaps.

Hardworking American family, man.

I appreciate that.

And then next level up, you got a soap that's so fancy it doesn't even dispense soap,

it dispenses foam.

Which is just soap filled with air for an extra $6 a fucking bottle.

Because as an American society, we decided we're way too good to rub our own two hands together to create our own foam,

and rather outsource that foaming action to some poor Chinese kids in Guangzhou, China to pre-foam it for us.

Make America foam again, people.

Thank you.

My mom eventually caved in and she bought the $2 bottle of soft soap with the fish on it.

But she's so Chinese, she's been watering it down for six years now.

And now it's just a bottle of water with a fish on it.

(It) doesn't do shit.