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  • All this organic stuff in America is getting out of control.

  • It's not just organic food.

  • You got like organic bed sheets, organic hand soap.

  • I don't know about you guys, but growing up in my very Chinese family hand soap wasn't even a thing.

  • Hand soap used to be that piece of crap leftover soap that my dad's been washing his balls with for two months.

  • And he just puts it on a soap counter, you walk by, you rub your two fingers on it for good luck.

  • That was, that was hand soap.

  • Nobody got sick. It was fine.

  • Once in a while, you got a piece of pube, so what? You deal with it.

  • Now hand soap is so fancy, it's got its own aisle at the grocery stores,

  • because it's not about washing your hands anymore, it's a status symbol.

  • We go to our friend's house and judge how well they're doing by what kind of hand soap they got.

  • We've all done this.

  • You go to your friend's house.

  • He's got that green bar soap that says "Zest" on it,

  • that guy is a fxxking peasant.

  • Don't associate yourself with that kind of animal.

  • He's gonna ask you for money, you know what I mean?

  • And then next level up, you got like a $2 bottle of soft soap with the fish or the watermelon on it, you know?

  • I like that family.

  • That's the backbone of America.

  • It's the middle class Honda Civics of soaps.

  • Hardworking American family, man.

  • I appreciate that.

  • And then next level up, you got a soap that's so fancy it doesn't even dispense soap,

  • it dispenses foam.

  • Which is just soap filled with air for an extra $6 a fucking bottle.

  • Because as an American society, we decided we're way too good to rub our own two hands together to create our own foam,

  • and rather outsource that foaming action to some poor Chinese kids in Guangzhou, China to pre-foam it for us.

  • Make America foam again, people.

  • Thank you.

  • My mom eventually caved in and she bought the $2 bottle of soft soap with the fish on it.

  • But she's so Chinese, she's been watering it down for six years now.

  • And now it's just a bottle of water with a fish on it.

  • (It) doesn't do shit.

All this organic stuff in America is getting out of control.

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