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Recording by Elizabeth Klett Jane Eyre by Charlotte BRONTË Chapter Ten

Hitherto I have recorded in detail the events of my insignificant

existence: to the first ten years of my life I have given almost as many

chapters.

But this is not to be a regular autobiography.

I am only bound to invoke Memory where I know her responses

will possess some degree of interest; therefore I now pass a

space of eight years almost in silence: a few lines only are necessary to

keep up the links of connection.

When the typhus fever had fulfilled its mission of devastation at Lowood,

it gradually disappeared from thence; but not till its virulence and the

number of its victims had drawn public attention on the school.

Inquiry was made into the origin of the scourge, and

by degrees various facts came out which excited public indignation

in a high degree.

The unhealthy nature of the site; the quantity

and quality of the children's food; the brackish, fetid water used in its

preparation; the pupils' wretched clothing and accommodations--all

these things were discovered, and the discovery produced a result mortifying

to Mr. Brocklehurst, but beneficial to the institution.

Several wealthy and benevolent individuals in the county subscribed

largely for the erection of a more convenient building in a better

situation; new regulations were made; improvements in diet and clothing

introduced; the funds of the school were intrusted to the management of a

committee.

Mr. Brocklehurst, who, from his wealth and family

connections, could not be overlooked, still retained the post of

treasurer; but he was aided in the discharge of his duties by gentlemen

of rather more enlarged and sympathising minds: his office of inspector,

too, was shared by those who knew how to combine reason with strictness,

comfort with economy, compassion with uprightness.

The school, thus improved, became in time a truly useful and

noble institution.

I remained an inmate of its walls, after its

regeneration, for eight years: six as pupil, and two as teacher; and in both

capacities I bear my testimony to its value and importance.

During these eight years my life was uniform: but not unhappy, because it

was not inactive.

I had the means of an excellent education placed

within my reach; a fondness for some of my studies, and a desire to excel

in all, together with a great delight in pleasing my teachers, especially

such as I loved, urged me on: I availed myself fully of the advantages

offered me.

In time I rose to be the first girl of the first class; then

I was invested with the office of teacher; which I discharged with zeal

for two years: but at the end of that time I altered.

Miss Temple, through all changes, had thus far continued superintendent

of the seminary: to her instruction I owed the best part of my

acquirements; her friendship and society had been my continual solace;

she had stood me in the stead of mother, governess, and, latterly,

companion.

At this period she married, removed with her husband (a

clergyman, an excellent man, almost worthy of such a wife) to a distant

county, and consequently was lost to me.

From the day she left I was no longer the same: with her was gone every

settled feeling, every association that had made Lowood in some degree a

home to me.

I had imbibed from her something of her nature and much of

her habits: more harmonious thoughts: what seemed better regulated

feelings had become the inmates of my mind.

I had given in allegiance to duty and order; I was quiet; I believed I

was content: to the eyes of others, usually even to my own, I appeared

a disciplined and subdued character.

But destiny, in the shape of the Rev. Mr. Nasmyth, came between me and

Miss Temple: I saw her in her travelling dress step into a post-chaise,

shortly after the marriage ceremony; I watched the chaise mount the hill

and disappear beyond its brow; and then retired to my own room, and there

spent in solitude the greatest part of the half-holiday granted in honour

of the occasion.

I walked about the chamber most of the time.

I imagined myself only to be regretting my loss, and thinking how to

repair it; but when my reflections were concluded, and I looked up

and found that the afternoon was gone, and evening far advanced, another

discovery dawned on me, namely, that in the interval I had undergone

a transforming process; that my mind had put off all it had borrowed of

Miss Temple--or rather that she had taken with her the serene atmosphere

I had been breathing in her vicinity--and that now I was left in my natural

element, and beginning to feel the stirring of old emotions.

It did not seem as if a prop were withdrawn, but rather as if a motive were

gone: it was not the power to be tranquil which had failed me, but the reason

for tranquillity was no more.

My world had for some years been in Lowood: my experience had been

of its rules and systems; now I remembered that the real world was wide,

and that a varied field of hopes and fears, of sensations and

excitements, awaited those who had courage to go forth into its expanse,

to seek real knowledge of life amidst its perils.

I went to my window, opened it, and looked out.

There were the two wings of the building; there was the garden; there

were the skirts of Lowood; there was the hilly horizon.

My eye passed all other objects to rest on those most remote, the blue peaks; it was

those I longed to surmount; all within their boundary of rock and heath seemed

prison-ground, exile limits.

I traced the white road winding round the base of one mountain,

and vanishing in a gorge between two; how I longed to follow it farther!

I recalled the time when I had travelled that very road in a coach; I

remembered descending that hill at twilight; an age seemed to have

elapsed since the day which brought me first to Lowood, and I had never

quitted it since.

My vacations had all been spent at school: Mrs. Reed

had never sent for me to Gateshead; neither she nor any of her family had

ever been to visit me.

I had had no communication by letter or message with the outer world: school-rules, school-duties,

school-habits and notions, and voices, and faces, and phrases,

and costumes, and preferences, and antipathies--such was what

I knew of existence.

And now I felt that it was not enough; I tired of

the routine of eight years in one afternoon.

I desired liberty; for liberty I gasped; for liberty I

uttered a prayer; it seemed scattered on the wind then faintly blowing.

I abandoned it and framed a humbler supplication;

for change, stimulus: that petition, too, seemed swept off into

vague space: "Then," I cried, half desperate, "grant me at least a new servitude!"

Here a bell, ringing the hour of supper, called me downstairs.

I was not free to resume the interrupted chain of my reflections till

bedtime: even then a teacher who occupied the same room with me kept me

from the subject to which I longed to recur, by a prolonged effusion of

small talk.

How I wished sleep would silence her.

It seemed as if, could I but go back to the idea which had

last entered my mind as I stood at the window, some inventive suggestion would

rise for my relief.

Miss Gryce snored at last; she was a heavy Welshwoman, and till now her

habitual nasal strains had never been regarded by me in any other light

than as a nuisance; to-night I hailed the first deep notes with

satisfaction; I was debarrassed of interruption; my half-effaced thought

instantly revived.

"A new servitude!

There is something in that," I soliloquised (mentally,

be it understood; I did not talk aloud), "I know there is, because it

does not sound too sweet; it is not like such words as Liberty,

Excitement, Enjoyment: delightful sounds truly; but no more than sounds

for me; and so hollow and fleeting that it is mere waste of time to

listen to them.

But Servitude!

That must be matter of fact.

Any one may serve: I have served here eight years;

now all I want is to serve elsewhere.

Can I not get so much of my own will?

Is not the thing feasible?

Yes--yes--the end is not so difficult; if I had only a brain

active enough to ferret out the means of attaining it."

I sat up in bed by way of arousing this said brain: it was a chilly

night; I covered my shoulders with a shawl, and then I proceeded _to

think_ again with all my might.

"What do I want?

A new place, in a new house, amongst new faces, under

new circumstances: I want this because it is of no use wanting anything

better.

How do people do to get a new place?

They apply to friends, I suppose: I have no friends.

There are many others who have no friends, who must look about for themselves and be

their own helpers; and what is their resource?"

I could not tell: nothing answered me; I then ordered my brain to find a

response, and quickly.

It worked and worked faster: I felt the pulses throb in my head and temples; but for nearly

an hour it worked in chaos; and no result came of its efforts.

Feverish with vain labour, I got up and took a turn in the room; undrew the curtain,

noted a star or two, shivered with cold, and again crept to bed.

A kind fairy, in my absence, had surely dropped the required suggestion

on my pillow; for as I lay down, it came quietly and naturally to my

mind.--"Those who want situations advertise; you must advertise in the

_---shire Herald_."

"How?

I know nothing about advertising."

Replies rose smooth and prompt now:--

"You must enclose the advertisement and the money to pay for it under a

cover directed to the editor of the _Herald_; you must put it, the first

opportunity you have, into the post at Lowton; answers must be addressed

to J.E., at the post-office there; you can go and inquire in about a week

after you send your letter, if any are come, and act accordingly."

This scheme I went over twice, thrice; it was then digested in my mind; I

had it in a clear practical form: I felt satisfied, and fell asleep.

With earliest day, I was up: I had my advertisement written, enclosed,

and directed before the bell rang to rouse the school; it ran thus:--

"A young lady accustomed to tuition" (had I not been a teacher two

years?) "is desirous of meeting with a situation in a private family

where the children are under fourteen" (I thought that as I was barely

eighteen, it would not do to undertake the guidance of pupils nearer my

own age).

"She is qualified to teach the usual branches of a good English

education, together with French, Drawing, and Music" (in those days,

reader, this now narrow catalogue of accomplishments, would have been

held tolerably comprehensive).

"Address, J.E., Post-office, Lowton, --- shire."

This document remained locked in my drawer all day: after tea, I asked

leave of the new superintendent to go to Lowton, in order to perform some

small commissions for myself and one or two of my fellow-teachers;

permission was readily granted; I went.

It was a walk of two miles, and the evening was wet, but the days were still

long; I visited a shop or two, slipped the letter into the post-office,

and came back through heavy rain, with streaming garments, but with a

relieved heart.

The succeeding week seemed long: it came to an end at last, however, like

all sublunary things, and once more, towards the close of a pleasant

autumn day, I found myself afoot on the road to Lowton.

A picturesque track it was, by the way; lying along the

side of the beck and through the sweetest curves of the dale: but that

day I thought more of the letters, that might or might not be awaiting

me at the little burgh whither I was bound, than of the charms of

lea and water.

My ostensible errand on this occasion was to get measured for a pair of

shoes; so I discharged that business first, and when it was done, I

stepped across the clean and quiet little street from the shoemaker's to

the post-office: it was kept by an old dame, who wore horn spectacles on

her nose, and black mittens on her hands.

"Are there any letters for J.E.?"

I asked.

She peered at me over her spectacles, and then she opened a drawer and

fumbled among its contents for a long time, so long that my hopes began

to falter.

At last, having held a document before her glasses for nearly

five minutes, she presented it across the counter, accompanying the act