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  • [Spanish style music]

  • Tonight you're gonna see a special story

  • ♪ A pop star and her fight for love and glory

  • We wish it was a little bit more gory

  • But they said we had to tell a family story

  • In the tale we tell not everything is fair

  • And someone gets some news they cannot bear

  • You blow the end I'll kick your derriere

  • OK, OK, our story starts in there

  • In there In there

  • In there In there... ♪

  • [rock music plays]

  • ♪ I'm not going your way I'm not going your way

  • And when you're talking to me

  • Don't wanna hear the words that you say

  • ♪ I'm not going your way I'm not going your way

  • ♪ I can't lie I keep telling you, telling you

  • Baby I'm just having fun I'm just having fun

  • Yeah I'm just having fun

  • ♪ I'm just having fun... ♪

  • Hey guys, um, ya'll sound great, it's just,

  • I mean, the lyrics. I wrote 'em a month ago

  • and they're starting to sound as tired as one of my dad's

  • "back when I was in a band" stories.

  • You know, back when I was in a band,

  • we didn't have cheese near this fancy.

  • We had nacho cheese.

  • That's the cheese we'd steal from ZZ Top's dressing room,

  • then some dude would come in and say "hey, that's not'cho cheese."

  • [forced chuckling]

  • Hey, Hannah, you know the lyrics aren't that bad.

  • Yeah, but they're not that good, either.

  • [mocking] ♪ I'm not going your way, I'm not going your way

  • Ah!

  • ♪ I was only kidding You look really pretty

  • [nervous chuckling]

  • Oh, don't think I didn't notice you

  • bailing on the one you say you love.

  • Oliver, Lilly is the one who loves you, OK?

  • Lola is dating Justin Timberlake,

  • according to an internet rumor I have no idea who started.

  • Hey, guys, ya'll can take off.

  • I've still got a little work to do on the lyrics.

  • A little work? [scoffing]

  • It's like saying Taylor Swift is a little bit cute.

  • - Oh, what, you can fake date and I can't? OK. - Yeah.

  • Hey, you wanna grab some lunch?

  • Jesse, you know, that's really sweet

  • but I kinda make it a thing not to date guys in my band

  • so, if at some point you want to have lunch, that's cool.

  • But, you know, just not "have lunch."

  • OK, yeah. Cool.

  • What are you doing?

  • OK, if I were you, I would be, uh,

  • grabbing lunch and stayin' for dessert.

  • - That'd be Lola talking, right? - Sure.

  • Listen, I know Jesse's really cute,

  • but he's got a rep as a real player and my Dad told me to steer clear of him.

  • So you're not gonna date that guy...

  • ...just because...

  • That's not'cho cheese. Get it?

  • ...that guy told you not to?

  • - Absolutely. - [phone ringing]

  • [beeping]

  • - Why aren't you answering? - It's nobody.

  • [gasping] No, you're not seriously telling me that...

  • - Telling you what? - I knew you'd be this way.

  • - What way? - How can you be so stupid?

  • - Why is she stupid? - You don't understand.

  • I don't understand anything.

  • - [grunting] - [beeping]

  • - Hi, Jake. - Hey, Miley.

  • I'm done filming for the day. You want to meet at the usual place?

  • Uh, ha! It's Lilly.

  • Uh...

  • [fakes foreign accent] I mean, your order of meat is ready at the usual place...

  • ...a miley away.

  • - Bye-bye. - [button beeping]

  • I forgot to tell you.

  • I'm dating Jake Ryan.

  • - What? - [together] Oh, keep up!

  • [groaning]

  • [Miley] Whoo!

  • Here we go, everybody!

  • Come on

  • You get the limo out front

  • Oooh

  • Hottest styles Every shoe, every color

  • Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun

  • It's really you but no one ever discovers

  • Who would have thought that a girl like me

  • Would double as a superstar

  • Whooo!

  • You get the best of both worlds

  • Chill it out Take it slow

  • Then you rock out the show

  • You get the best of both worlds

  • Mix it all together and you know

  • That it's the best of both worlds

  • How could you not tell us?

  • Look, I wanted to tell you,

  • but after everything Jake and I have gone through,

  • I just knew that you would say,

  • [together] "You're making the biggest mistake of your life!"

  • Yes. Yes, but then I would've continued and said, you know,

  • it's your life and if that's what makes you happy, then who am I to judge?

  • I mean, the heart wants what it wants,

  • even if it's some goofy, klutzy guy who's not half as cool

  • as he thinks he is.

  • - Ain't that the truth? - Yeah.

  • - Wait, we're still talking about Jake, right? - Sure.

  • Look, guys, it's not like I totally caved in to Jake.

  • I made him work for it. I made him beg.

  • Miley!

  • I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again...

  • - Jaaaake! - [grunting]

  • Yep, Miley Stewart kept her dignity.

  • Good for you.

  • I'm just amazed your Dad's cool with it

  • after everything Jake put you through.

  • The whole "I kissed you, I'm leaving, I love you, I'm leaving,

  • I'm spending the rest of my life with Traci." Psych!

  • Oh, please, like she told her dad.

  • I mean, it's probably been nothing but secret meetings

  • and late night phone calls. I bet they even have code names for each other,

  • like, "Falcon" and "Snow Bird."

  • You are so wrong. [scoffing]

  • It's "Anakin" and "Queen Amidala."

  • So what are you gonna do?

  • You can't keep this secret from your dad forever.

  • I'm not gonna. I just gotta continue to work on Jake's image.

  • Look at this.

  • I got my publicity guy to get Jake Ryan at a pet adoption

  • on the front page of the newspaper.

  • Dad loves dogs, and I'm gonna put this in the bathroom

  • where Dad does his, you know, heavy reading.

  • Not'cho cheese. C'mon, man, that's funny stuff.

  • I swear, your band has no sense of humor.

  • - You ready to go? - Look.

  • Aww, look at that little puppy.

  • - Isn't he cute? - So cute.

  • Now, let's get you away from that miserable punk

  • who broke my daughter's heart.

  • There.

  • All better.

  • [upbeat Irish music plays]

  • Well their plan didn't work with the pictures of Jake

  • And she's wondering now what on earth it will take

  • To make Dad like her beau Should she bake him a cake

  • Oh but wait He likes pie

  • Yes you're right My mistake

  • [music fading out]

  • Talk about your sweet niblets, this looks incredible!

  • Well, if all this

  • and Mamaw's award-winning boysenberry pie

  • doesn't soften Dad up for the big Jake news, I don't know what will.

  • Hey, you know what would really soften him up?

  • If you dug out that old kitty sweater he got you for your 14th birthday.

  • [gasping] Oh, my.

  • [sweater meowing]

  • - Now, that's commitment. - Tell me about it.

  • But, uh, if you see me turning blue,

  • grab one of these butter knives

  • and cut me out of this poly-cotton death trap.

  • Yeah, sure, you got it.

  • Mmmm... Hey, this is really good. What is it?

  • Oh, it's dad's favorite. It's catfish stew.

  • - Mmm, oh, what's this? - No, no, no!

  • Oh... is it a grape?

  • Hmm. Oh, it really bursts with flavor.

  • - That's the eyeball! - [splattering]

  • Hey, that's the best part!

  • Now I'm gonna have to give Dad the other one.

  • Excuse me, I'm just gonna go walk through the car wash

  • with my mouth open.