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  • You know what?

  • I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, "No divorces in '99!'

  • But your divorce isn't even final yet.

  • - Just the one divorce in '99! - Yeah, baby!

  • You know what? I am gonna be happy this year; I am gonna make myself happy.

  • Do you want us to leave the room or...?

  • Every day, I am gonna do one thing I have never done before.

  • That, my friends, is my New Year's resolution.

  • Ooh! That's a good one.

  • - Yeah? - Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.

  • That's a good one, too, Pheebs, now all you have to do is find a plane load of people whose resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

  • Maybe your resolution should be not to make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.

  • She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.

  • In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks you can't go the whole year without making fun of us.

  • Oh, you know what? Better yet, a week.

  • I'll take that bet, my friend.

  • And you know what? Paying me the 50 bucks can be the "new thing you do that day".

  • And it starts right now.

  • All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play guitar.

  • - Oh! - Really? How come?

  • Well, you know those special skills I have listed on my resume?

  • Well, I would love it if one of those was true.

  • Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.

  • Oh, really? Who have you taught?

  • Well, I taught me and I loved me.

  • Oh, that'd be great.

  • Yeah, thanks, Pheebs.

  • Oh, look! Blair forgot her glasses.

  • And she's gonna really be needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend who, from what I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.

  • Hey, Rach, maybe your resolution should be to gossip less.

  • Wha⏤I don't gossip.

  • Whamaybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on, you know?

  • Kind of like a public service.

  • It doesn't mean I'm a gossip⏤I mean, would you call Ted Koppel a gossip?

  • Well, if Ted Koppel talked about his co-worker's botched boob jobs, yeah, I would.

  • They were like this!

  • - Hey. - Hey!

  • I just asked that girl out.

  • - Nice. - Nice, yeah.

  • Is that part of your resolution, your "new thing" for today?

  • Yes, it is.

  • See?

  • Elizabeth...

  • ... Hornswoggle?

  • That's right, E⏤

  • Elizabeth Hornswoggle.

  • Horn...

  • ... swoggle.

  • You okay, Chandler?

  • Is there something... something funny about that name?

  • No, no; I just think that maybe I've heard it somewhere before.

  • Oh, really?

  • Where?

  • Somewhere funny, I'll bet.

  • - Hi, Pheebs! - Hey!

  • Oh, guess what? I have a date with Elizabeth Hornswoggle.

  • Hornswoggle?

  • Ooh, this must be killing you.

  • - All right, see you later. - See ya.

  • All right, Pheebs.

  • I am ready for my first lesson.

  • Okay.

  • Oh, no, no, you don't touch the guitar.

  • No, no; first, you learn here, then you learn here.

  • Oh.

  • - Okay. - Okay.

  • Okay.

  • Lesson one, chords.

  • Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords, but I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them.

  • So, then, this is bear claw, okay, turkey leg, and old lady.

  • What an interesting approach to guitar instruction.

  • You know, some might find it amusing.

  • I, myself, find it regular.

You know what?

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