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  • I used to have the perfect life, and then my husband had an affair.

  • Who here has ever been attacked in public by their husband's secretary?

  • Right. It's France. Back in America that line gets bupkis.

  • You have to go home.

  • Paris is home. No, Rose, it's not.

  • It's time to go back to our life.

  • We're going to the Catskills!

  • You're going to the Catskills for two months?

  • What do you do for the summer?

  • I sweat, and I smell like a bum, and I'm miserable, and I wanna kill people, and I do that till it gets cold.

  • Here we are in the Catskills.

  • The first boy I ever kissed, I kissed in the Catskills.

  • He was my...Papa.

  • I am pursuing a career in stand-up comedy.

  • Maybe I should be going. I'm pregnant!

  • I'm going to leave Columbia.

  • I'm going to give it up. All of it.

  • So what do we do now?

  • I start setting up a tour, get us on the road.

  • You really think I'm gonna be big?

  • I think you're gonna be a massive pain very, very soon.

  • Tits up? Tits up.

  • I'm glad to be back in New York City, where I have so many friends who hate me, so much family who are disappointed in me.

  • That's why New York's so great.

  • Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters.

  • I'm on a date with a doctor.

  • Where have you been all my life? Riverside Drive and 113th.

  • You want to marry my daughter? With your permission, yes, I do.

  • Do you really think you can go back to making Jell-o molds again?

  • Oh, I don't know. I make a hell of a Jell-o mold.

  • Oh, my God. Shy Baldwin. I am your biggest fan.

  • What's your name? Midge Maisel.

  • Break a leg tonight.

  • This is the first time I've ever been on television.

  • Hello, and welcome to the telethon.

  • No. Rabbi, this is not a good time. L'chaim.

  • Sophie, if you ever knock Midge Maisel down again, if you ban her from another club, I'll punch your fake tits so hard your real tits'll feel it.

  • I want you to be my manager.

  • Who's calling? Shy Baldwin here.

  • I saw you on that telethon.

  • How would you like to open for me on tour?

  • Yes.

  • I am going to be all alone for the rest of my life.

  • That's what I just decided in a five-minute phone call.

  • And I don't wanna be alone.

  • Not tonight.

I used to have the perfect life, and then my husband had an affair.

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