And then he said, "So... what are we?"

Freeze frame on my big dumb stupid flipped amygdala face.

It was terrifying, scary, spooky emotional Halloween time.

And look, I say this as the person who usually says,

"So what are we?"

"So what are we?"

"So, like, what are we?"

But I didn't realize how scary it would be to be on the receiving end 'cause up until then, I felt like I was in Everything Everywhere All at Once, right? Where all the options were possible.

In that early phase, the uncertainty that not exactly knowing where we stand, it can be a magical multiverse.

Because like Michelle Yeoh, you can just jump into wherever you want, where this person could be your future, a fun fleeing or someone with whom to have a grand adventure.

But this question brings a shift. It offers a narrowing down, just a culling of those endless possibilities.

This question is terrifying because it brings clarity about motivations, intentions and compatibility,

which sometimes means, you know, rejection, not being aligned or having just a very different idea of where this is going, and all of that is incredibly vulnerable.

Esther Pearl says, we all want freedom and we all want security. The paradox of humanity.

Don't you hate being a walking contradiction?

But as my therapist says, "Relationships are a mirror, we learn about who we are, what we want, what we don't want, what we need all through our relationships with other people."

And often, doing the work means having a relational perspective on life where we deal with disappointment, hurt vulnerability, betrayal and being really activated in order to find out who we really are.

So though this question can be spooky scary time, just remember Pearl's wonderful words.

What does it mean to find the right person?

And there I will say, the simplest way of looking at it is this: there are many people you will love and they are not necessarily the same people that you will make a life with.

Are you looking for a love story or are you looking for a life story?

When the answer to "what are we?" is mutually satisfying, will be so glad we had the conversation

And even if it's not mutually satisfying, down the line, we'll have grown just a little bit from it because relationships are meant to change us, so embrace being afraid, stand in your truth and find your life story.

I'm Anna Akana, thank you to the patrons who supported today's video and thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring today's episode.