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  • So I was seeing someone for like a month, made this great connection, deep chemistry, playful energy. Things were going great.

  • And then he said, "So... what are we?"

  • Freeze frame on my big dumb stupid flipped amygdala face.

  • It was terrifying, scary, spooky emotional Halloween time.

  • And look, I say this as the person who usually says,

  • "So what are we?"

  • "So what are we?"

  • "So, like, what are we?"

  • But I didn't realize how scary it would be to be on the receiving end 'cause up until then, I felt like I was in Everything Everywhere All at Once, right? Where all the options were possible.

  • In that early phase, the uncertainty that not exactly knowing where we stand, it can be a magical multiverse.

  • Because like Michelle Yeoh, you can just jump into wherever you want, where this person could be your future, a fun fleeing or someone with whom to have a grand adventure.

  • But this question brings a shift. It offers a narrowing down, just a culling of those endless possibilities.

  • This question is terrifying because it brings clarity about motivations, intentions and compatibility,

  • which sometimes means, you know, rejection, not being aligned or having just a very different idea of where this is going, and all of that is incredibly vulnerable.

  • Esther Pearl says, we all want freedom and we all want security. The paradox of humanity.

  • Don't you hate being a walking contradiction?

  • But as my therapist says, "Relationships are a mirror, we learn about who we are, what we want, what we don't want, what we need all through our relationships with other people."

  • And often, doing the work means having a relational perspective on life where we deal with disappointment, hurt vulnerability, betrayal and being really activated in order to find out who we really are.

  • So though this question can be spooky scary time, just remember Pearl's wonderful words.

  • What does it mean to find the right person?

  • And there I will say, the simplest way of looking at it is this: there are many people you will love and they are not necessarily the same people that you will make a life with.

  • Are you looking for a love story or are you looking for a life story?

  • When the answer to "what are we?" is mutually satisfying, will be so glad we had the conversation

  • And even if it's not mutually satisfying, down the line, we'll have grown just a little bit from it because relationships are meant to change us, so embrace being afraid, stand in your truth and find your life story.

  • I'm Anna Akana, thank you to the patrons who supported today's video and thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring today's episode.

So I was seeing someone for like a month, made this great connection, deep chemistry, playful energy. Things were going great.

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