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  • For centuries, Apple has been creating the absolute best in personal electronics. And

  • today, we are doing more of that stuff. We are excited to announce the release of

  • a new version of your favorite plastic square. We call it the new iPhone. And we also call

  • it the iPhone Air, but more importantly, you call it the iPhone 6.

  • If your tiny head hasnt already imploded with this spontaneous release, well get ready,

  • because we're announcing two different iPhones today.

  • Incredible. Am I right? We've added so many new features to this new

  • iphone, but we only have time to discuss 4. Both new iPhones come in two different screen

  • sizes. The first comes in an all new 4.7 inch sapphire

  • display. This phone is not plagued by the same issues

  • that other phones of this size are riddled with because it was made by us.

  • The sapphire display is harder than anything your phone will come in contact with in your

  • pockets. Like keys or, other stuff. It wont even scratch in the event you it blocks

  • a potential stabbing. And for you in the wealthy 1 percentile, we

  • even added an option for a diamond display. The second iPhone is much larger display for

  • all you phablet lovers. Actually all we did was add a cell chip inside

  • an existing iPad mini. No one will know the difference, and we saved

  • a ton of money doing it. The iPhones are now waterproof for any of

  • your new wet experiences. Drop your iPhone in the toilet? No big deal,

  • just hose it off in the backyard. Your kid spill spaghetti on it? No problem,

  • just toss it in the dish washer. We have heard our users loud and clear. Finally

  • after they shut up and we were able to think straight, we added more customizability to

  • the iPhone. Users love how you can customize the Android

  • OS, but all that is just confusing crap. What about customizing the hardware.

  • So we're introducing customizable home buttons. You can choose from over 7 different emojis

  • to reflect current your mood. Choose wisely, cause your choice is permanent at the time

  • of purchase. One of our final innovations we've added to

  • the new iPhone is something you have all been waiting for.

  • NFC. Yes. Thats right. Not to be confused with Near Field Communications of which the

  • technology is years away, NFC stands for No Face Crumbs.

  • We found users using the iPhone camera as a portable mirror. We now made the screen

  • hyper reflective, so you can see yourself better than ever.

  • You can pre-order these new iPhones right now before their scheduled release in 6 months

  • time. What is great is that we have entirely new

  • aggressive price points for these new devices. The new iPhones start at just 399 with a 5

  • year contract. Once again Apple changes the game.

  • But theres one more thing. We have added new facial recognition software

  • to instantly recognize if you are a high profile celebrity and automatically share your private

  • phones from iCloud to your favorite social networks.

  • Nudes for everyone. You're welcome. Hey guys, hoped you liked that video, if you

  • did, give it a big like, and subscribe, because I make sketches weekly, there are some right

  • there, check them out! And don't forget to follow me on twitter for

  • my random musings, okay. High five.

For centuries, Apple has been creating the absolute best in personal electronics. And

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