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  • Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a beautiful girl who dreamed of finding her prince.

  • Alas, real life is no fairy tale.

  • -Here's why Disney princes.... -So, this is love. -would make terrible boyfriends.

  • -My dad threw this party so I could meet a girl who is... - Emotionally independent... -Hot and rich like us

  • So, will you marry me?

  • I think I left my straightener on.

  • Hey, hey, hey, hey, Hey!

  • What are you doing?

  • Oh, thank god I thought you were dead.

  • Then why would you try to kiss me?

  • Uh, hold on, don't change the subjectwho are these seven guys texting you?

  • Uh, they're just my roommates.

  • So now that we live together, we need to establish a few ground rules.

  • Actually, I'm a little hungry.

  • You are not allowed to step foot into that side of the house, especially my roomever!

  • It is forbidden.

  • Okay, does that include the bathroom...

  • Also, I'm gonna need to know where you are and what you're doing at all times.

  • Because sometimes I get lonely.

  • Do this and I'll release your father from my basement.

  • You kidnapped my dad?

  • Nailed it!

  • Who are you talking to?

  • Uh, excuse me, miss?

  • Have you seen my girlfriend?

  • Eric, it's me.

  • Yeah, you look familiar, but...

  • Wait, I follow you on Twitter, right?

  • You don't remember the crazy lady you stabbed with a boat for me?

  • I think I know what the love of my life looks like.

  • Even your dog knows it's me.

  • Let me get my dog back.

  • Reina? Where'd you go?

  • Oh, sorry, babe. You think you can spot me?

  • Again?

  • My parents just cut me off.

  • No, you need to get a job.

  • Ha ha ha ha! I got a job.

  • My music.

  • You woke up like that, you woke up like that, flawless.♪

  • You know what? Have fun making love to your mini guitar.

  • It's a ukulele.

  • Can I at least borrow your car to get home?

  • Take the bus!

  • You're so fancy, you already know.♪

  • Wait, your name is not Ali?

  • Prince Ali, no Aladin, yeah that's me a compulsive liar, someone who plunders

  • Uh, why are you singing?

  • ♪I told you what you wanted to hear to get inside your cave of wonders

  • My cave of what now?

  • The mansion we slept in was one that I crept in, the way I get laid is through deceit.♪

  • Who are you people?

  • The car that we rode in was one that I'd stolen but who needs a ride when you live on the street?♪

  • You're homeless?

  • That monkey you swear follows us everywhere is my one and only friend

  • So yeah, I've had the absolute worst luck with dating lately. What about you?

  • This is a little awkward... I kind of thought you were a dude.

  • Excuse me?

  • -It's just from certain angles, and your hair is pulled back in these photos. -I have boobs.

  • Yeah, sorry... I guess I made a man out of you.

  • I have been looking everywhere for you.

  • You know what? I'm done with Disney princes.

  • Being single never bothered me anyway.

  • And she lived happily ever after.

  • Why does this always keep happening to me?

  • Hey, how are you doing?

  • Ladies love it when you kidnap their fathers.

  • I'm gonna build her a library if you know what I mean.

  • And by that I mean I'm actually going to build a library.

  • Seriously, who are you talking to?

  • I'm talking to Lumiere!

Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a beautiful girl who dreamed of finding her prince.

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