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  • - Let's talk about relational bullying.

  • I used to be the only person of color

  • in a friend group comprised solely of white women.

  • Who are The Problematics?

  • - They're white girls whose audacity knows no bounds.

  • If regular people have issues, they have subscriptions.

  • - That one there, that's Kara Smith.

  • She's one of the most self-absorbed girls you'll ever meet.

  • - Melissa sat next to her in group therapy last year.

  • - Instead of asking, how are you?

  • She asked, how am I?

  • - That little one is Gretchen Von Williams.

  • She's totally rich because Weird Al adopted her.

  • - Gretchen Von Williams knows everybody's business.

  • She knows everything about everyone.

  • - That's why she has bangs, it hides her secrets.

  • - And evil takes a human form in Regina Georgé.

  • Don't be fooled, she's not your typical backstabbing

  • slut-faced evil ho-bag,

  • she's so much more than that.

  • - She loves to hold court.

  • Even if you've heard a story before,

  • she'll make you listen to it raptly to retell it again and

  • again and again and again.

  • The Problematics.

  • How do we even begin to explain The Problematics?

  • - The Problematics are such good listeners.

  • When six Asian women were murdered in Atlanta,

  • they asked me how I felt,

  • and then they talked over me the whole time.

  • - One time I was complaining about a fetishization

  • and they reminded me, I'm lucky I'm fuckable.

  • - I outed a powerful rapist

  • and then they bullied me out of their group.

  • It was awesome.

  • This particular group of "friends"

  • embodied so many problematic behaviors-

  • triangulation, hierarchical competition,

  • controlling narratives

  • and perceptions of themselves through manipulation

  • and best of all, relational bullying.

  • So relational or social bullying is any subtle behavior used

  • to socially detach or isolate another individual.

  • Harm is caused by damaging someone's reputation

  • or social status.

  • It's different than other obvious forms of physical

  • or verbal bullying because the actions are usually quiet

  • and hidden from others.

  • And often, get this, happens between friends.

  • So, research shows that girls are more likely to engage in

  • relational bullying than any other kind.

  • And relational bullies are often popular, charismatic,

  • and rarely suspected to be bullies.

  • Their bullying is often disguised as friendship

  • and that friendship is used as a weapon.

  • So, these bullies use a variety of tactics

  • to diminish their victims-

  • exclusion, gossip and rumors,

  • and even attempts to damage

  • or end close relationships of their targets.

  • All done covertly

  • as though they're some clandestine fucking spy.

  • We're about to pull off an impossible mission.

  • Where's your artillery?

  • - Right here.

  • - What is it? A bomb? A poisonous concoction?

  • - No, it's an iPhone 12.

  • - How are you going to pull this off with a stupid phone?

  • - See, while you were busy scouting the museum,

  • I was doing the real spy work.

  • I became besties with the curator.

  • - Hello?

  • - Oh my God girl.

  • I'm so sorry but Zack made a move on me tonight.

  • - (Quick gasp) (Foreign expression)

  • - She confided in me that she thinks he's too good for her

  • and he's gonna leave her someday.

  • This will break her up for good.

  • - What does that have to do with our extraction

  • of the Mona Lisa?

  • - I'm so sorry.

  • I think you should head to his house immediately.

  • - Merci for telling me this, you are a good friend.

  • (girl crying)

  • - Well, now look who's got the better weapon.

  • - Jean Claude, how could you?

  • - Now you would hope that most girls

  • and people would just grow

  • out of relational bullying by the time they're adults,

  • but fun fact: high school doesn't end for some people. Whoa!

  • Emotional immaturity can persist in those who never do

  • the work and stave off awareness.

  • And when you're also a person of color

  • surrounded predominantly by white women,

  • you often have to deal with microaggressions

  • and racist remarks on top of

  • good old, regular relational bullying.

  • Yay for us. Yes, we can have it all.

  • Now, how do you deal with relational bullying?

  • Well, according to my therapist, AKA The Oracle,

  • the best thing to do with these people is to

  • turn off the lights, walk out of the room,

  • move into indifference,

  • because they can't suck the life out of you,

  • if they don't have a straw.

  • So, revoke the straw.

  • I'm Anna Akana,

  • thank you the Patreons for supporting today's video.

  • If you want to see your handy-dandy name here,

  • feel free to click on the link below.

  • And of course, as always,

  • thank you to my daddy, Squarespace

  • for sponsoring today's episode.

  • Now my daddy Squarespace has an all-in-one platform

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- Let's talk about relational bullying.

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Mean (White) Girls

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    林宜悉 posted on 2022/05/25
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