I wake up getting dressed to go nowhere, learning to be my own boss.

As I go through this transition of working from home and no matter if you're off social media or not, news gets to you one way or another it's heels.

But one thing stays the same days into a watercolor blow.

Missing home has been a big thing, worried about family and friends, their health and if they can keep their jobs, the debates are happening now and anxiety is running high.

Good morning everybody.

So this video is sponsored by box suit, which is actually a japanese snack subscription box.

The people that created this box work with 100 year old companies, family owned companies to bring you the very gourmet japanese snacks and I haven't had a japanese subscription box in a really long time.

So we're going to open the one that I got because I'm excited to see what's inside.

Just a quick look with my husband and a little bit of a taste test boxer delivers to you the taste of japan since the world is in quarantine.

This might be the perfect box for you, especially if you can't travel.

It has japanese snacks and tea pairings and every month you get a theme box and the first time customers get the seasons of japan boxes so you can taste every season of japan and their go to snacks.

I loved how the pamphlet mentioned all the snacks in the box where they came from and allergy information, which is great for me.

So let's quickly find out what's inside before we move on with this video that's going to be in my stomach.

Oh my gosh!

It's like a soft cookie.

I lived in five different places in Japan.

So a lot of these snacks were super nostalgic for me because they came from everywhere in Japan.

So I was extremely excited don't mind me.

Yes, it's like a tai yaki chocolate.

These are so good.

Looking at the origin of each snack and where it came from.

It was really fun for us and I loved how they had the allergy information.

Unfortunately I couldn't eat everything but my husband was super happy To eat a lot of these snacks and have them in the house because we don't usually buy too many snacks.

So he's going to eat all of them and I'm going to probably drink the tea and each some of the sugary snacks.

But other than that this box was full of amazing foods.

I feel like it's a great purchase.

Get 10% off of your authentic Japanese snack box from box to in the link in my description below go to looking at my country from afar is eye opening.

You see the bigger picture, Oh no, come back.

So cute.

You know when I was growing up social media wasn't a thing.

But now that it is, our voices are heard much louder than before.

Don't get me wrong.

It's a good thing in order to make a change.

We need to be loud.

A storm happens before the comets necessary.

Witnessing it from the outside can be harsh, but I'm grateful.

I can stay connected to my family during this tough time with the use of technology were at sky tree right now.

There's a shopping center called Solo and we're actually looking for a place to eat.

It looks so good.

I run the talent.

We're talking about the situation of the coronavirus right now.

And that was telling, Well, I kind of agree though because there's no restrictions here.

They're not even doing social distancing anymore places rarely.

Like I actually noticed it's not really reinforced.

There's actually like zero restrictions here.

I mean, even look at Halloween, Halloween was chaos.

People are out just to be out.

There were no costume, Nobody was wearing a single costume.

There may be a few people that were costumes, but everybody was just about to be out.

As for the recent strong emotions, I've been feeling out of nowhere.

It goes deeper than just the virus and debates, which I will get to in this video in a moment.

But when it comes to feeling strong emotions like sadness or fear, that's okay, it comes in waves living abroad.

Oh my gosh, look like I'm crying.

I'm very emotional today.

There's just a lot going on.

And the pandemic is I think making us all feel a little off.

I need some fresh air and we need to explore.

I like walking and seeing new things and I think that that'll help my mood a little bit.

Our emotions are messengers of the soul.

They tell us important information in order to make shifts in our lives, so don't suppress them listen to them.

Would you like a grilled eggplant key chain?

How about ginger, This is why you can't lose weight in Japan.

I found me, I found why am I still here?

Yep.

I used to model these face masks sold worldwide during my time in Nagoya.

They still seem to use my face in every single ad and I still have footage from those days and it was a fun experience, but really, really exhausting and tedious.

They had to cut the masks because my face was way too small and I had to stand very, very still.

It wasn't a typical modeling job, but it was my first one.

So I did it for the experience and guess what?

The masks are still everywhere in Japan and a very good gift for friends and family.

They even have kids ones too.

America is not my home.

I realized that the other day Japan is not my home either.

When I feel homesick, I question that this is even homesickness or not because it's so confusing.

Not lots of people are crazy.

You see when you live in another country for so so long, you build a life and that life becomes your home, but it's not really your home or is it confusing.

I know recently I've been itching to visit friends and family back home, but I can't and I think that the restriction of that brings about this homesickness feeling which does happen from time to time for every foreigner that lives here, it's no new feeling.

But what I mean is the last time I went back home I felt anxious and I felt far from home meaning Japan, I felt homesick for Japan, I'd wake up in my own bed and I'd panic, where am I?

So what I'm saying is I didn't even know which home was my home moment of truth.

I think it has English marriage.

Bad traveled back.

I blame 2020, it's all your fault, it's all your fault doing it one more time.

This is probably taboo, but it was his money.

So this time it's mine that won't come out, this is a bad sign, it's not coming out Jonah, good fortune.

The universe heard me and I did it a second time and because I did that and didn't give up, I wasn't accepting the bad fortune, I was like no I can't accept this in my life and it happened.

I manifested it.

You gotta believe in yourself, here's what I concluded home is your relationship with yourself when you know and understand yourself and who you are home can be anywhere.

And once I reminded myself this, I felt a sense of peace and homesickness doesn't mean you don't know who you are or you want to go home necessarily.

It means we have a need, the feeling of homesickness is telling us we have a need for connection.

I realize my lack of connection and spending time with friends here and the family I built in Japan has led me to feel this way.

So this sunday I scheduled time with friends and with that shift, the feeling of homesickness and not feeling like I belong anywhere will slowly begin to fade.

Mm curry lunch.

What an amazing husband, we are going to a cafe to work and get some stuff done because today is a public holiday, it's probably gonna be so busy, but it's a rainy cloudy day, so we'll see what happens.

I don't know, my eyes look so blue.

Whoa, this is the first time that I'm working in a cafe in a really long time and I'm really excited and I feel like I'm gonna get a lot of work done, getting out of the house, getting ready has been tough for me.

Once I get into a flow with my projects, I forget to take breaks because well I don't want to, I'm gonna flow and having too much fun and this new life of working from home is very different from me and I'm still learning, but reality is my health part of my life by is a little bit out of balance and being aware of what's out of balance is going to allow me to take action.

This is what I talked about in my current program that I have been working on for quite a while now.

How dare you throw that crust away?

How dare you?

That's the best part.

It's not for dog.

The reality is, your life will always be out of balance somewhere, especially when you're working hard on your dreams.

But it's up to you to be aware of that and bounced back.

Okay, we're heading home, we're going grocery shopping really late because I don't feel like going outside tomorrow so I can start eating healthy and not eating all these, these scarves.

Ever since I started feeling better with my stomach and everything I've been eating and eating because I missed all the foods I've been restricting myself from.

I'm suffering the consequences of gaining weight.

Don't go in there is coronavirus season I guess, but I guess probably nobody's used this when I came to Japan for the first time.

I had a telephone card, I didn't have a cell phone.

I don't have anything.

I had to call my parents using that and I also had traveler's checks.

I didn't have any credit cards or anything knowing that even though starting a brand in business for me right now is taking up a lot of learning growth and time.

I know that when I'm more familiar with this life, the other parts of my life will be in balance again.

As long as I have a resilient mind and consistent hears the word again, awareness.

Mhm, mm Yeah, mm hmm.

Mhm.

So I'm on a little bit of a walk right now and I just wanted to say that recently I have been not really like that feeling a little bit disconnected I guess and a lot of people are wondering like aren't you homesick?

You've been living in Japan for So so long homesickness happens no matter how long you've lived in a country, usually homesickness is kind of that need for connection.

You have to listen to your needs because there are many different needs that occur within you and if you ignore those needs then you just live a very unbalanced unhealthy life.

I don't know like I've just been choking up a lot, feeling a little bit down.

I think we all have, we've all been there.

But at the same time I went back to America and I always felt very, not like I was at home, I didn't feel like America was my home.

I had a lot of reverse culture shock and I have a whole video about that.

You want to watch it down below.

I talked about all of my reverse culture shock.

So I'm gonna sit here really quick at this little park in the neighborhood.

But yeah, so when I went back I just didn't feel like it was my home.

So at the same time, I'm homesick here, but then if I went back to the States, I wouldn't feel like I'm at home there either.

So very different.

It's very, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it, but feeling very emotional, and I think it's because of 2020 and I think it's because of a lot of change and transition in my own life and everybody's lives, and just all of the craziness that has been going on in the States and around the world today is Election Day.

There's a lot of tension.

Yeah, it's just been a lot of emotion and yeah, so I'm just gonna walk and then I'm going to go get a few things at the store and then head back home and do some more work right now.

My days are busy and life goes on Japan is my home indefinitely, and my identity as an american still lives within me, and I am proud.

I am working on module five and finalizing all the worksheets and things like that.

This week has been a lot.

I think having this new chapter in my life where I'm not commuting to work and I'm not going anywhere, I don't have a schedule, I have to be my own boss, and I have to be able to create systems, which is ironically I'm talking about that in module five, which is what I'm working on now, and it's got me thinking about my own life and the transition that I'm going through right now and throughout your entire life, you're going to be going through new transitions and new chapters in your life and nothing's going to ever be perfect, you're not going to get to a perfect place in your life, it's all about awareness and all about resilience, started to become more aware of.

I don't have a system for myself, so I'm saying yes to too many things and I'm taking on too many projects because I'm so excited About all the things that I can do now, I'm seeing these patterns in myself that I didn't see before when I quit my job.

Now, I'm a little bit out of balance because you don't have that cut off because nobody is telling, you know, Kelly, you can't do that.

I'm using the Kaizen method and everything to narrow down my goals and what I need to do, and I am crossing off the things on my list that don't need to be done right now, it's all very exciting work and my course is doing so well, we have over 30 students now and it's just been amazing and the group is just so supportive and kind and we hold space for each other and that's what's very important.

A lot of you guys are moving to Japan and it's all very positive stress, I need to have systems in place if I want to continue doing this alone and by myself for those of you wanting to move abroad, work on yourself, understand who you are and develop a mindset that you trust.

And I promise you you'll bounce back during the tough times and uncover the answers to many of the ups and downs living abroad or just in life in general.

Thank you guys for watching.

Give this video a like and subscribe and comment down below what you do whenever you feel homesick.

Also let me know how you're doing during this time.

I know it's tough, but hang in there, you're doing great.

I will see you guys in the next video.

Mhm.