We self-sacrifice to the extreme.

We insist that our self-inflicted pain is martyrdom, and we silence ourselves when literally no one asked us to.

Because we are being "nice."

So six signs you're a "nice" girl in your relationships are:

One, you don't feel safe expressing your true feelings.

Babe, do you have a chance to read my screenplay?

Oh, I didn't get to it yet.

Oh, okay.

Sorry. Is that okay?

Yeah. No, it's fine. It's okay.

Don't worry about it, babe. It's okay.

Okay.

Babe, it's okay.

It's fine. Don't worry about it, babe. Just stop worrying about it. It's totally fine.

Ok, it doesn't seem like it's okay.

- It's okay. It's fine, babe. Stop worrying. Don't worry about it. It's okay that you didn't get to... - Babe...

Two, you don't speak up for what you want.

Madam president, it's up to you. Should we engage in nuclear war?

Hmm...

Ma'am, the enemy has breached the shore.

They're here.

Madam president, we need an answer now. They're invading. I repeat. They're invading.

Yeah... Uh... What do you think?

- Uh... War? - Yeah. War. - War.

- Oh, God... sure. - Yeah.

- OK. - One, two, three.

Three, you believe that being feminine means being passive so you never actively pursue or say what you actually want to do.

Babe, what do you want to eat?

What about this restaurant, babe?

What do you want? Do you want potato? Do you want bread?

You want both?

Baby, you're crazy.

Okay. I'll put in and order.

Do you wanna watch our show?

What show do you wanna watch, babe? Babe, what do you want to watch?

That's a great suggestion, Babe. I'll just watch what I want to watch.

Okay, babe, I'm gonna lift you up, babe.

Okay, babe, let's go to the couch, babe.

I got you, babe.

Now we cuddle.

Four, you're prone to obsessive thoughts, romanticizing and fantasizing about new partners or relationships that will save you.

Hello, fair maiden, let true love's kiss awakening.

Halt, the scoundrel for true love as I.

Step back, tiny peasant. This princess is mine.

Ah... Oh my God! Fair princess!

Which one of you will put me on your horse and lead me back to my castle, introduce me to the mother, impregnate me with 15 children, and love me till the day I die?

- I think this one right now. - No, I think... -I can't do that.

No.

- I did mean what I said about you. - No, I'm just a scoundrel.

- No, he's very handsome. - No, no, he's your prince. - He loves moms.

Five, you self-abandoned to make others happy.

What's that, Congress?

There's someone still in the well.

Well, we can't leave them alone.

And finally, you try to control other people's experiences so that you can feel secure.

So being a nice girl doesn't mean that you're actually being nice.

It means you're trying to control the perception that other people have of you.

It means that you're like conforming to an identity that you think is expected of you.

It's also projecting a false image of yourself.

And if it helps you, like really want to shed this compulsive need to be nice, guess what?

It's pretty manipulative.

Oh, does not feel very nice being a manipulative liar about who you are, does it?

There you go. Go to therapy.

I'm Ana Akana. Thank you to the patrons who supported today's video and thank you as always to my father, SQUARESPACE for sponsoring today's episode.

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