But your girl she vaccinated and she actually went out for brunch with a friend.

Crazy.

I know I'm a party animal.

Living life on the edge.

And you know, I feel like we've all been collectively just dying to socialize with other humans and hug our friends and party.

But what I did not anticipate is just how hard it was to socialize again.

Okay.

So this may be a controversial question.

But how have you been you know, just reliving the same day since March.

God I know anything new.

Ah no, no.

Nothing.

Nothing new at all.

You same thing.

I mean, you know, there's no real news to report.

So mm hmm.

So are you dating?

No, I, I tried, you know the apps, that whole thing.

But no, Why are you still single?

I don't know.

Why are you still married?

No, no, I didn't mean it like that.

I meant like how are you still single?

Um Well, I guess I'm single because well when we're in a global pandemic and I can't meet anybody new.

Um But also I am trying to intentionally not get into relationships built on trauma bonds anymore.

So totally, totally.

But I mean like you're such a catch that it's crazy that nobody wants me.

No no no no no no, no.

You know I'm so sorry.

I haven't socialized in like a year.

So I'm a bit rusty.

Yeah.

I'm sorry too totally.

I get it.

I clearly I'm defensive about this topic.

Yeah.

You are definitely defensive.

Mm hmm Oh um I saw on instagram that you and your twin spoke up about the abuse and the really toxic set with James franco good for you guys?

That's very brave of you.

Thank you.

It's just, we just thought, why are we protecting him?

You know, totally.

So like what did he do exactly?

Like can you detail the abuse for me?

Um, I don't really want to talk about that over mimosas.

Yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I should have known better.

Like people are always prying into my sister's suicide and it's like, wait, how did she die?

Like what method did she use?

Oh, okay.

Well let me just reliving my trauma at 11 AM.

Okay ladies, have you decided?

Hey?

Yeah, I'll have to kill solid.

No dressing side of lemon water.

No ice.

Please do the exact same.

But can you add avocado, put the dressing on the side and give me an ice cream tea.

No ice and sweeten truly my exact order.

Thank you.

So you were telling me how your sister died?

No, I think we moved on from that.

When are you and your husband finally having kids?

Never.

We don't want kids.

You look really skinny.

Did you lose weight?

That's not the compliment that you think it is.

Where are you from Pasadena?

No, like where are you really from casa Dina?

How much money do you make?

Not nearly as much as the internet thinks I do.

Are you ever self conscious about your nose?

Has anyone ever called you a bit many times?

This is really hard.

Can we go back to Zoom's?

Yeah, I'll send you a link in 20 minutes.

Okay.

It wasn't that awkward but there was definitely a sense of like whoa, we have forgotten the nuance of when it's appropriate to ask what and it makes sense.

You know, we're all starving for connection so badly.

But the line between curiosity and wanting to connect versus overstepping and being insensitive is very thin one.

And my brunch with my friend made me examine the times in my life where I have been confronted with this exact line like oh my God, I remember in the before time I knew this woman through work and the last time I had seen her she was pregnant.

And then when I ran into her again at a party, she wasn't.

So of course I asked nice to see you.

You too, how's the baby?

And you know what?

She just it was clear what happened in that look.

But she didn't know what to say.

I didn't know what to say.

So I just quickly changed the subject and carried on wow.

So that Lakers game the other day.

But it made me think about in those moments how we have two choices.

We can ask a question.

We should keep to ourselves did you have a miscarriage or was it an abortion?

Which by the way I've read on reddit that actual women have been asked this ship, can you believe it?

The second option which I think you should take and which I took is to take the q read the room change the subject and save the other person from having to explain themselves.

Obviously this is a very extreme and sad example but the more that I think about it the more that I realized just how many of these questions I have gotten over the course of my life.

Yeah, he took advantage of me.

I'm so sorry.

Can you show me the details of what happened that night?

And look context?

Is everything right?

So what's inappropriate for one person to ask may not be for another.

Um took advantage of me.

I'm so sorry.

Can you tell me the details about what happened that night?

And we're all curious beings.

There's a reason we rubberneck every time there's a car crash or why murder documentaries are so popular and melissa watches every single one of them.

Oh my God we are drawn to tragedy and disaster.

It's natural and some of the most real potent stuff that life offers.

Its intriguing as hell.

But you know what I really used to think that excavating trauma was how to cultivate a deep relationship of any kind and I was, I was someone who would ask these questions without necessarily like checking in the vibes and having awareness of if it was actually appropriate.

Like literally the other day I asked melissa for specific details of her childhood trauma and she was like, I really don't want to hash that over breakfast, does that a lot.

So clearly I'm still learning how to balance my curiosity and desire to connect with someone else's boundaries and the level of openness in that moment.

So you know what I'm really trying to say is just good luck to us all as we venture back out into this world and see other humans, it's probably gonna be real messy.

I'm anaconda and thank you to the Patreon who supported today's video and thank you as always to Daddy squarespace for sponsoring today's episode.

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