Subtitles section Play video
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- That sauce looked disgusting.
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- Our secret sauce. - This sauce so secret
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he told the whole internet how to make it.
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(lively instrumental music)
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This video sponsored by Heineken.
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They have a new product called Heineken 0.0.
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Same great taste as Heineken original beer,
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but now you can drink as much as you want
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and you won't get drunk.
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Uncle Roger can even drink this when I'm filming now.
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(beer tap pops) Ah, so good.
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Sometime you want to have beer for lunch,
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but so many people judge you.
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They say, he alcoholic, he drink too much.
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That's why you need Heineken 0.0.
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Now you can enjoy a beer and still go back to work.
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Also many Asian people, when we drink we get Asian flow.
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Our face turn red.
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Haiyaa, not a good look.
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You need Heineken 0.0.
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You can drink beer but your face stay normal.
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So Malaysian niece and nephew, go to drinkies.my
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and get Heineken 0.0 delivered to doorstep today.
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Reminder to all my niece and nephew to stay home,
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stay safe, and socialize responsibly.
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And now we start video.
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Hello niece and nephew, it's Uncle Roger.
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Hope niece and nephew had a good Lunar New Year,
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Valentine Day last week also.
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But Uncle Roger don't celebrate that.
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Love is not real.
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Go see my nephew Nigel talk about his stupid love story
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in his latest podcast, link above.
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Go watch it after you watch this video.
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Today Uncle Roger gonna review another fried rice video.
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This time it's from this cowboy guy, Kent Rollins.
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Best Ever Fried Rice Recipe.
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Uncle Roger didn't know cowboy people
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like egg fried rice also.
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Okay, let's see how he do.
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- Hey, y'all see me cook some fried rice not too long ago.
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Mexican-style, right?
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But did you think the cowboy could be doing it Asian style?
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This is the best fried rice ever with a secret sauce.
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(upbeat country music)
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- Okay, this intro make it look
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like how to survive in wilderness.
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Just cook shit in ground.
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- We're gonna take a big trip today.
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It's where the West is gonna meet the East
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and we gonna fuse it together right here on old Bertha
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so you better- (keyboard key taps)
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- What he call his stove?
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What he call his stove?
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- Right here on old Bertha.
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- Old Bertha.
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White people love naming their kitchen utensil.
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Hm, maybe Uncle Roger should name my stove Auntie Helen
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because I want to see it on fire.
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- I'm gonna shock some of you folks right now.
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Guess what my favorite food is.
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You there in the back, what do you say?
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No, not cauliflower, no, not broccoli, it is sushi.
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- His favorite food is sushi.
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Uncle Roger respect this cowboy, but where he get his sushi?
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Sushi don't come from ranch.
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- I do be loving me some sushi.
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Shannon turned me on to it a long time ago
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because I'd had some but I'd had it at a truck stop and-
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- Truck stop?
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Haiyaa, so that where he get his sushi.
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Cowboy Kent, trunk stop for petrol and prostitute only.
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Not for sushi. (chuckles) (smooth instrumental music)
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Sorry children.
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- She said that was not the spot to get it
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so she got me to like sushi. - She correct.
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- And then she got me to try some of this rice
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that goes with it.
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Whew, folks, I can flounder up in there
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like a dead carp laying in the sunshine for a week.
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I mean, it was hurtin'.
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- Uncle Roger didn't understand what he just said.
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- I can flounder up in there like a dead carp
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laying in the sunshine for a week.
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- Is English your second language also, Cowboy Kent?
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Haiyaa.
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If people understand Uncle Roger English
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better than they understand your English, you fucked up.
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- So we're gonna sorta put it together here at the wagon.
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Sure, it's not traditional.
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So the first thing we're gonna do is put this sauce together
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and let me tell you, folks, there is so many ingredients
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in here that it's got its own ZIP Code so let me-
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- For egg fried rice the only sauce you need is soy sauce.
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I don't know why this cowboy guy
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is so focused on this sauce.
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What is most important in fried rice
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is the wok hei, is the ingredient.
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No need fancy sauce.
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But okay, Uncle Roger give this a chance
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because he say this is not traditional recipe.
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- You'd be taking this out and just reading it to you.
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Now we recommend Kikkoman.
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Is that how you say it, Shannon?
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- [Shannon] Kikkoman, yeah.
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- Who, Kikkoman. - Oh my God.
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How he pronounce the soy sauce?
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- Kikkoman, is that how you say it, Shannon?
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- [Shannon] Kikkoman.
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- Kikkoman, Kikkoman, so cute.
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He make our soy sauce sound like superhero.
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Oh no, the food too bland, who should we call?
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Kikkoman. ("Batman Theme")
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Uncle Roger have brother living in Japan.
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I checked with him, it's pronounced Kikkoman.
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- We're gonna start off
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with 1/4 of a cup of Kikkoman soy sauce
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and then 1/2 a cup Kikkoman teriyaki sauce, half-
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- So cute, he pronounced teriyaki sauce.
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- That way it's easier for it to get in there.
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1/2 a teaspoon of sesame seed oil.
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- Oh, that is good, sesame oil, Asian sesame oil, correct.
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- [Kent] Put a tablespoon of sugar in there.
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- Sugar.
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- Spoon of the chicken bouillon in there.
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- Okay, okay, teriyaki sauce already so sweet.
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Don't put sugar, haiyaa.
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But I like that he's using chicken bouillon.
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Many Western country scare MSG.
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They think it's poison, haiyaa.
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So weak, why so weak?
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But guess what?
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Sometimes chicken bouillon or chicken stock cube,
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they all have MSG in there, so sneaky.
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So if you can't use MSG,
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chicken bouillon is okay replacement.
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Not as good as the king of flavor,
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but at least you can taste something.
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- [Kent] Then we're gonna use some celery which is 1/2 cup-
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- Celery, is that gonna be part of sauce?
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- Back over to the food processor.
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Scoop it out of there, put it in there.
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- No, no, Haiyaa.
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Who makes sauce with celery?
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Niece and nephew, when have you ever had celery sauce?
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- Blend it, now it's really hard to blend here
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at the wagon but we can get it done.
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So as you're blending this stuff
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and you think you're through with it and you look at it...
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(keyboard key taps)
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- That sauce looks disgusting, ugh.
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I don't know what more disgusting, the sauce
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or the state of his fingernail, haiyaa.
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- [Kent] Okay, that's-
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- Oh my God, it's chunky and oh my...
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- [Kent] The way we want it 'cause we want-
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- Who want to eat this sauce?
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- This stuff to have a little chunk to it
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here, there, and yonder.
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Well, we have got our sauce, our secret sauce.
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- This sauce so secret
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he told the whole internet how to make it.
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Okay, so far Uncle Roger has mixed feeling.
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That sauce don't look good.
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Uncle Roger think this is very weird way
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to make egg fried rice.
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But let's see how he do the remaining step
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and then we judge.
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- Get this old big 20 up here on Old Bertha
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getting good and hot because the secret to this, too
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is a good, hot skillet. - Correct.
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If your skillet hot, it help the rice not clump together.
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Also, Uncle Roger like that he using cast iron skillet.
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Cast iron skillet is the White people version of wok.
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They both can be seasoned, passed down to your children,
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and heavy enough to kill people with it.
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If you smack your kid, don't smack them
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with cast iron skillet unless they really fucked up.
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I can forgive Cowboy Kent for not using wok
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because he living in middle of nowhere.
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Where he gonna find Chinese shop to buy a wok from?
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If you can even find one Asian guy on this ranch,
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that guy is lost.
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- Because that's gonna help toast that rice
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to make this stuff, whew, some of that good.
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We got our skillet hot.
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We're gonna add us some butter in here and I'm gonna-
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- Haiyaa, butter for egg fried rice.
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I thought you said you wanted to do East-West fusion.
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Nobody in the East uses butter.
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I know you live on ranch.
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You can get butter from your favorite cow,
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but don't waste your favorite cow butter like this.
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Get some vegetable oil, Cowboy Kent.
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- And while it's doing that I'm gonna go ahead
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and dump in these mushrooms that we have chopped.
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- Ooh, mushroom, mushroom, good, good umami flavor.
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So much natural MSG in there.
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- And then we're gonna add our cooked rice
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which has been chilled for a while
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because that chilling helps it not clump up so bad.
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So make sure you- - Correct, correct.
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- In the ice box. - Chilled rice, okay.
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Cowboy Kent know what he talking about.
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Hm, that is one bad part about cooking
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with cast iron skillet, you can't do the wok toss.
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So not satisfying.
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Look at this, so boring.
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He just poking the rice, but it okay.
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I don't know where he gonna get wok anyway.
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- Because you need to toast it all the way around.
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(relaxing country music)
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- I thought this is cooking video.
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Why suddenly this National Geography bullshit?
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(relaxing country music)
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This look it about to turn
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into music video for country song.
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Is Cowboy Kent gonna start singing soon?
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(tent flapping in wind)
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Some stuff just left camp here.
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It's what you call, welcome to cooking
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in Mother Nature's kitchen.
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- His sauce so disgusting even Mother Nature
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trying to stop him. (relaxing country music)
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What he doing to that baby cow?
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Why you torturing him? (relaxing country music)
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Don't do, haiyaa.
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Don't torture animal
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while putting relaxing country music as your soundtrack.
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So sad, this cow.
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(relaxing country music) Fuiyoh, this looks so nice.
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Is this what they call White privilege?
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- [Kent] Depending on the heat you gotta-
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- Finally back to cooking, haiyaa.
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- Making the heat, then it's time
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to add some of the secret sauce.
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So I'm just gonna pour it across here.
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- Okay, not as disgusting as I thought.
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- Go ahead and get that egg chopped up
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and get it mixed into that rice, folks.
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I like to finish it with me some chopped green onion.
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- Oh, green onion, okay, okay.
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Uncle Roger approve, this is correct ingredient.
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Good garnish.
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- Now, this is what you call fine dining.
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- No, no, no, this is not fine dining.
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Cowboy Kent, usually at fine dining places
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the wind don't blow the furniture away.
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I don't know what kind of fine dining restaurant
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this Cowboy Kent go to.
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- Now, we're gonna let that cool just a minute
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while I go down there and find me a spoon to eat it with.
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- He can build whole kitchen in field,
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but he can't bring one spoon, haiyaa.
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- (sniffs) Mm, a lot of flavor going on there,
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but the best part of this deal too also is you got you some-
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- No, no, no, not more sauce, no!