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  • - That sauce looked disgusting.

  • - Our secret sauce. - This sauce so secret

  • he told the whole internet how to make it.

  • (lively instrumental music)

  • This video sponsored by Heineken.

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  • Same great taste as Heineken original beer,

  • but now you can drink as much as you want

  • and you won't get drunk.

  • Uncle Roger can even drink this when I'm filming now.

  • (beer tap pops) Ah, so good.

  • Sometime you want to have beer for lunch,

  • but so many people judge you.

  • They say, he alcoholic, he drink too much.

  • That's why you need Heineken 0.0.

  • Now you can enjoy a beer and still go back to work.

  • Also many Asian people, when we drink we get Asian flow.

  • Our face turn red.

  • Haiyaa, not a good look.

  • You need Heineken 0.0.

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  • and get Heineken 0.0 delivered to doorstep today.

  • Reminder to all my niece and nephew to stay home,

  • stay safe, and socialize responsibly.

  • And now we start video.

  • Hello niece and nephew, it's Uncle Roger.

  • Hope niece and nephew had a good Lunar New Year,

  • Valentine Day last week also.

  • But Uncle Roger don't celebrate that.

  • Love is not real.

  • Go see my nephew Nigel talk about his stupid love story

  • in his latest podcast, link above.

  • Go watch it after you watch this video.

  • Today Uncle Roger gonna review another fried rice video.

  • This time it's from this cowboy guy, Kent Rollins.

  • Best Ever Fried Rice Recipe.

  • Uncle Roger didn't know cowboy people

  • like egg fried rice also.

  • Okay, let's see how he do.

  • - Hey, y'all see me cook some fried rice not too long ago.

  • Mexican-style, right?

  • But did you think the cowboy could be doing it Asian style?

  • This is the best fried rice ever with a secret sauce.

  • (upbeat country music)

  • - Okay, this intro make it look

  • like how to survive in wilderness.

  • Just cook shit in ground.

  • - We're gonna take a big trip today.

  • It's where the West is gonna meet the East

  • and we gonna fuse it together right here on old Bertha

  • so you better- (keyboard key taps)

  • - What he call his stove?

  • What he call his stove?

  • - Right here on old Bertha.

  • - Old Bertha.

  • White people love naming their kitchen utensil.

  • Hm, maybe Uncle Roger should name my stove Auntie Helen

  • because I want to see it on fire.

  • - I'm gonna shock some of you folks right now.

  • Guess what my favorite food is.

  • You there in the back, what do you say?

  • No, not cauliflower, no, not broccoli, it is sushi.

  • - His favorite food is sushi.

  • Uncle Roger respect this cowboy, but where he get his sushi?

  • Sushi don't come from ranch.

  • - I do be loving me some sushi.

  • Shannon turned me on to it a long time ago

  • because I'd had some but I'd had it at a truck stop and-

  • - Truck stop?

  • Haiyaa, so that where he get his sushi.

  • Cowboy Kent, trunk stop for petrol and prostitute only.

  • Not for sushi. (chuckles) (smooth instrumental music)

  • Sorry children.

  • - She said that was not the spot to get it

  • so she got me to like sushi. - She correct.

  • - And then she got me to try some of this rice

  • that goes with it.

  • Whew, folks, I can flounder up in there

  • like a dead carp laying in the sunshine for a week.

  • I mean, it was hurtin'.

  • - Uncle Roger didn't understand what he just said.

  • - I can flounder up in there like a dead carp

  • laying in the sunshine for a week.

  • - Is English your second language also, Cowboy Kent?

  • Haiyaa.

  • If people understand Uncle Roger English

  • better than they understand your English, you fucked up.

  • - So we're gonna sorta put it together here at the wagon.

  • Sure, it's not traditional.

  • So the first thing we're gonna do is put this sauce together

  • and let me tell you, folks, there is so many ingredients

  • in here that it's got its own ZIP Code so let me-

  • - For egg fried rice the only sauce you need is soy sauce.

  • I don't know why this cowboy guy

  • is so focused on this sauce.

  • What is most important in fried rice

  • is the wok hei, is the ingredient.

  • No need fancy sauce.

  • But okay, Uncle Roger give this a chance

  • because he say this is not traditional recipe.

  • - You'd be taking this out and just reading it to you.

  • Now we recommend Kikkoman.

  • Is that how you say it, Shannon?

  • - [Shannon] Kikkoman, yeah.

  • - Who, Kikkoman. - Oh my God.

  • How he pronounce the soy sauce?

  • - Kikkoman, is that how you say it, Shannon?

  • - [Shannon] Kikkoman.

  • - Kikkoman, Kikkoman, so cute.

  • He make our soy sauce sound like superhero.

  • Oh no, the food too bland, who should we call?

  • Kikkoman. ("Batman Theme")

  • Uncle Roger have brother living in Japan.

  • I checked with him, it's pronounced Kikkoman.

  • - We're gonna start off

  • with 1/4 of a cup of Kikkoman soy sauce

  • and then 1/2 a cup Kikkoman teriyaki sauce, half-

  • - So cute, he pronounced teriyaki sauce.

  • - That way it's easier for it to get in there.

  • 1/2 a teaspoon of sesame seed oil.

  • - Oh, that is good, sesame oil, Asian sesame oil, correct.

  • - [Kent] Put a tablespoon of sugar in there.

  • - Sugar.

  • - Spoon of the chicken bouillon in there.

  • - Okay, okay, teriyaki sauce already so sweet.

  • Don't put sugar, haiyaa.

  • But I like that he's using chicken bouillon.

  • Many Western country scare MSG.

  • They think it's poison, haiyaa.

  • So weak, why so weak?

  • But guess what?

  • Sometimes chicken bouillon or chicken stock cube,

  • they all have MSG in there, so sneaky.

  • So if you can't use MSG,

  • chicken bouillon is okay replacement.

  • Not as good as the king of flavor,

  • but at least you can taste something.

  • - [Kent] Then we're gonna use some celery which is 1/2 cup-

  • - Celery, is that gonna be part of sauce?

  • - Back over to the food processor.

  • Scoop it out of there, put it in there.

  • - No, no, Haiyaa.

  • Who makes sauce with celery?

  • Niece and nephew, when have you ever had celery sauce?

  • - Blend it, now it's really hard to blend here

  • at the wagon but we can get it done.

  • So as you're blending this stuff

  • and you think you're through with it and you look at it...

  • (keyboard key taps)

  • - That sauce looks disgusting, ugh.

  • I don't know what more disgusting, the sauce

  • or the state of his fingernail, haiyaa.

  • - [Kent] Okay, that's-

  • - Oh my God, it's chunky and oh my...

  • - [Kent] The way we want it 'cause we want-

  • - Who want to eat this sauce?

  • - This stuff to have a little chunk to it

  • here, there, and yonder.

  • Well, we have got our sauce, our secret sauce.

  • - This sauce so secret

  • he told the whole internet how to make it.

  • Okay, so far Uncle Roger has mixed feeling.

  • That sauce don't look good.

  • Uncle Roger think this is very weird way

  • to make egg fried rice.

  • But let's see how he do the remaining step

  • and then we judge.

  • - Get this old big 20 up here on Old Bertha

  • getting good and hot because the secret to this, too

  • is a good, hot skillet. - Correct.

  • If your skillet hot, it help the rice not clump together.

  • Also, Uncle Roger like that he using cast iron skillet.

  • Cast iron skillet is the White people version of wok.

  • They both can be seasoned, passed down to your children,

  • and heavy enough to kill people with it.

  • If you smack your kid, don't smack them

  • with cast iron skillet unless they really fucked up.

  • I can forgive Cowboy Kent for not using wok

  • because he living in middle of nowhere.

  • Where he gonna find Chinese shop to buy a wok from?

  • If you can even find one Asian guy on this ranch,

  • that guy is lost.

  • - Because that's gonna help toast that rice

  • to make this stuff, whew, some of that good.

  • We got our skillet hot.

  • We're gonna add us some butter in here and I'm gonna-

  • - Haiyaa, butter for egg fried rice.

  • I thought you said you wanted to do East-West fusion.

  • Nobody in the East uses butter.

  • I know you live on ranch.

  • You can get butter from your favorite cow,

  • but don't waste your favorite cow butter like this.

  • Get some vegetable oil, Cowboy Kent.

  • - And while it's doing that I'm gonna go ahead

  • and dump in these mushrooms that we have chopped.

  • - Ooh, mushroom, mushroom, good, good umami flavor.

  • So much natural MSG in there.

  • - And then we're gonna add our cooked rice

  • which has been chilled for a while

  • because that chilling helps it not clump up so bad.

  • So make sure you- - Correct, correct.

  • - In the ice box. - Chilled rice, okay.

  • Cowboy Kent know what he talking about.

  • Hm, that is one bad part about cooking

  • with cast iron skillet, you can't do the wok toss.

  • So not satisfying.

  • Look at this, so boring.

  • He just poking the rice, but it okay.

  • I don't know where he gonna get wok anyway.

  • - Because you need to toast it all the way around.

  • (relaxing country music)

  • - I thought this is cooking video.

  • Why suddenly this National Geography bullshit?

  • (relaxing country music)

  • This look it about to turn

  • into music video for country song.

  • Is Cowboy Kent gonna start singing soon?

  • (tent flapping in wind)

  • Some stuff just left camp here.

  • It's what you call, welcome to cooking

  • in Mother Nature's kitchen.

  • - His sauce so disgusting even Mother Nature

  • trying to stop him. (relaxing country music)

  • What he doing to that baby cow?

  • Why you torturing him? (relaxing country music)

  • Don't do, haiyaa.

  • Don't torture animal

  • while putting relaxing country music as your soundtrack.

  • So sad, this cow.

  • (relaxing country music) Fuiyoh, this looks so nice.

  • Is this what they call White privilege?

  • - [Kent] Depending on the heat you gotta-

  • - Finally back to cooking, haiyaa.

  • - Making the heat, then it's time

  • to add some of the secret sauce.

  • So I'm just gonna pour it across here.

  • - Okay, not as disgusting as I thought.

  • - Go ahead and get that egg chopped up

  • and get it mixed into that rice, folks.

  • I like to finish it with me some chopped green onion.

  • - Oh, green onion, okay, okay.

  • Uncle Roger approve, this is correct ingredient.

  • Good garnish.

  • - Now, this is what you call fine dining.

  • - No, no, no, this is not fine dining.

  • Cowboy Kent, usually at fine dining places

  • the wind don't blow the furniture away.

  • I don't know what kind of fine dining restaurant

  • this Cowboy Kent go to.

  • - Now, we're gonna let that cool just a minute

  • while I go down there and find me a spoon to eat it with.

  • - He can build whole kitchen in field,

  • but he can't bring one spoon, haiyaa.

  • - (sniffs) Mm, a lot of flavor going on there,

  • but the best part of this deal too also is you got you some-

  • - No, no, no, not more sauce, no!