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  • Shame is the gremlin who says, "Never good enough".

  • And if you can talk it out of that one, "Who do you think you are?"

  • The thing to understand about shame is it's not guilt

  • Shame is a focus on self; guilt is a focus on behavior.

  • Shame is, "I am bad"; guilt is, "I did something bad".

  • Shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullyingsuicide, eating disorders.

  • And here's what you even need to know more.

  • Guilt? Inversely correlated with those things.

  • Shame, for women, is this web of unobtainableconflicting, competing expectations about who we're supposed to be.

  • For men, shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations

  • Shame is one: do not be perceived as what?

  • Weak.

  • But the truth is, vulnerability is not weakness.

  • I define vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty; it fuels our daily lives.

  • And I've come to the beliefthis is my 12th year doing this researchthat vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.

  • If we're gonna find our way back to each otherwe have to understand and know empathybecause empathy's the antidote to shame.

  • If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment.

  • If you put the same amount of shame in a petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive.

  • The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: me too.

  • If we're going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path.

Shame is the gremlin who says, "Never good enough".

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