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  • - Hey friends, real quick announcement.

  • This past Monday, I launched a brand new

  • self-development newsletter called Snail Mail,

  • and the reviews are in.

  • "I couldn't put it down because of how interesting

  • the topics were."

  • "It was so much more than I expected it to be."

  • "I think it's gonna be the next trending newsletter

  • on the internet."

  • "Snail mail is so (beep) good."

  • I think that's my favorite review.

  • If you wanna start your week with an original article

  • and a digest of the best self-development content

  • on the internet,

  • then subscribe at slowgrowth.com/newsletter.

  • Or click the little link in the description below.

  • If you want, you could pause this video

  • right now and subscribe.

  • I'll wait.

  • Okay, this isn't awkward at all.

  • (box rustles)

  • (tape rasps)

  • (paper cover rasping)

  • This might go down as the first unboxing video

  • in my channel's history.

  • (tape rasps)

  • It reminds me of like batting cages, growing up.

  • That's like nostalgia, okay cool, great.

  • (upbeat ambient music)

  • - Get in there.

  • There we go.

  • So we have been in lockdown here in Sydney

  • for the past seven weeks,

  • which means that I haven't worked out in seven weeks.

  • And so I got a yoga mat because I'm gonna do yoga.

  • I've never done yoga before.

  • I'm excited for it

  • and that also means that I'm gonna do it for 30 days.

  • Cause my name's Matt D'Avella

  • and that's what I do when I try new things.

  • But also I'm gonna make a video about it

  • and I'm gonna kick up these 30-day experiments again.

  • There's so much fun stuff that I wanna try,

  • but that's not really the topic of this video.

  • I wanted to talk about regrets because, my God

  • do I have regrets.

  • So it's basically become a self-development cliche

  • at this point, but it's been said that at the end

  • of our lives,

  • we're not gonna regret the things that we did.

  • We'll regret the things that we didn't do

  • unless of course, you murder somebody (chuckles)

  • because then if that's you,

  • if that's what you've done and shame on you,

  • that was a really bad thing to do,

  • you might actually regret the things you did,

  • but for the most of us,

  • I would say that we're gonna regret

  • the shots that we didn't take.

  • And even now, you know, I'm not in my 90s yet,

  • but when I look back over my life,

  • the biggest regret that I have is

  • that I let fear control me.

  • Now don't get me wrong.

  • I don't stay awake at night

  • having these regrets thinking about,

  • "Oh man, I should've done this.

  • I should've done that."

  • I tend to let the past go and move on.

  • But for the sake of sharing advice to somebody

  • that's maybe a little bit younger than me,

  • maybe has a little bit less back problems than me.

  • If you're in your early 20s, mid-20's, actually,

  • I don't even care.

  • I don't care how old you are.

  • This advice is applicable,

  • but it certainly would be great to catch you

  • while you're young.

  • That sounds creepy, "To catch you while you're young."

  • Oh my goodness.

  • Please don't take that out of context.

  • If I could go back to a younger version of myself,

  • I would just dial up the amount of courage

  • that I had just by a little bit

  • because much throughout my adolescence,

  • as well as all throughout my 20's,

  • I really, for the most part let feel fear

  • make decisions for me.

  • I had the fear of putting myself on camera

  • because I was worried about failing publicly.

  • I had the fear that my freelance filmmaking clients

  • would find out that

  • I was still living in my parents' basement.

  • There were actually a couple occasions

  • where my clients asked me if they could come

  • to my studio to check out my editing process.

  • And I had to say, "Yeah, let me just, let me ask my mom."

  • And I think above all of these fears was

  • my fear to push myself outside of my comfort zone.

  • I was afraid of trying new things

  • of going to that yoga class,

  • of meeting new people, of trying breath work.

  • There were all these things that were new and scary.

  • I was really afraid of failing.

  • And the funny thing about fear

  • is that it's really difficult to see

  • from the outside because we're so good

  • at coming up with excuses.

  • Instead of starting that business,

  • we convince ourselves that it's far more safe and secure

  • to continue to work at that mid-level paper company

  • in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

  • Instead of asking that girl or boy out,

  • we convince ourselves of all the reasons

  • why it would never work with them.

  • The first half of my twenties,

  • I was too afraid to go on a single date,

  • literally from 20 to 25, I could not get over that fear.

  • And so I would,

  • I would try, I would go on online dating apps.

  • I would chat for sometimes up to a month at a time.

  • And then once it would get to the point

  • where they would send me their phone number,

  • I would ghost them.

  • I would just not respond.

  • And I'm certainly not proud of the fact that I did that.

  • And I ghosted many people,

  • but it was that fear that consumed me.

  • I was afraid of what might happen

  • after we got through those initial pleasantries.

  • I was afraid of that awkward silence,

  • the deafening awkward silence.

  • I think above all, I was afraid of rejection

  • of being hurt and being cast away.

  • And so instead of facing that fear,

  • I turned inward and I focused on my work

  • and I came up with all the excuses in the world

  • for why I wasn't ready to date

  • or why I kept flaking on these people.

  • But here's the big problem that I've found about fear

  • is that if you do not face it,

  • if you do not confront these demons,

  • they will get bigger and bigger as time goes on.

  • I would say in my early 20s, it was a nervousness,

  • like maybe a little bit of gentle anxiety about dating.

  • But since I kept neglecting it every month,

  • every year, it compounded over and over again

  • to the point when I was 25, I moved to New York City

  • and I finally said, "Okay, this is it.

  • I'm gonna do it.

  • I'm gonna face my fears.

  • I'm gonna put myself out there.

  • I'm gonna go on a date."

  • I had a severe panic attack in the shower

  • as I was getting ready to go on that date.

  • I remember hyperventilating.

  • It was difficult to even understand

  • what was going on

  • 'cause I'd never been through anything

  • like that before.

  • I didn't really see myself as somebody

  • who was shy or had anxiety up until that point

  • because I had buried it down so deep.

  • And then finally it all came out.

  • And so that was a lesson to me

  • to not let things go unhealed or unresolved

  • for a significant period of time.

  • And when we let fear win,

  • we really miss out on so much in life.

  • I think the problem that we've run into

  • with all these scenarios

  • is that we're not allowing ourselves

  • to be a beginner and to have a beginner's mindset.

  • It's kind of crazy when you think about it

  • because we have to be a beginner, at some point,

  • whether it's dating or doing yoga,

  • if we're pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone,

  • if we're trying something new,

  • of course we are gonna have moments

  • where we have no idea what we're doing

  • and we need to embrace that.

  • We need to accept the fact that we're not perfect.

  • We're gonna make mistakes.

  • If we wanna try standup comedy,

  • we're gonna bum the first time.

  • If we're gonna try yoga, our pants might split

  • in the middle of class and that's okay.

  • We have to be willing to lean into that

  • to be able to move forward and to grow.

  • But here's the thing, there is no dial that you can turn up.

  • There's no pill that you can swallow

  • to help you have more courage.

  • Although a couple shots of tequila won't hurt,

  • but the truth is that courage is taking action

  • in the face of fear.

  • And so being afraid is okay,

  • it's okay to be afraid of these things

  • and to worry and to wonder what might happen

  • and to live with that uncertainty.

  • But really if you're gonna have any fear,

  • it should be that you won't live up to your potential,

  • that you'll never take any risks

  • and that you'll look back on your life with regret.

  • Okay, it is time to do yoga.

  • (upbeat music)

  • Hey, how about this?

  • I'm making videos every week again.

  • It's been a really long time since I've done this,

  • but it feels really good to be diving back in

  • and making videos more consistently.

  • I hope you guys have been digging these videos as well.

  • You can expect to see a new video every Wednesday.

  • Going forward, he says as his video gets uploaded

  • on Thursday, if you've got any ideas

  • for future 30-day challenges, let me know.

  • I'm thinking of trying out veganism, zero waste,

  • maybe even van life.

  • Let me know down in the comments below

  • what you want me to try out.

  • Alrighty, I'll catch you guys next week.

  • Hopefully I don't rip a whole in my (cracks)

  • shit.

- Hey friends, real quick announcement.

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A2 US fear yoga regret afraid newsletter beginner

My biggest regret of my twenties.

  • 23 1
    洪子雯 posted on 2021/08/12
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