That's pretty great.

What are you studying?

Microbiology.

Oh, cool. So you could study me.

I don't understand.

Microbiology is the study of tiny living things.

I know. I'm studying it.

And I said you could study me 'cause I'm a tiny living thing.

It's a joke.

Are you sure?

Do you like science fiction?

No.

Role-playing games?

Like in the bedroom or like Dungeons and Dragons?

Either.

No.

-Do you like ... -It's gonna be a long night.

Yeah, well, it's your fault.

I had to ask; you didn't have to say yes.

You like magic?

-Not really. -Okay.

Long, long night.

How about computers? Do you like computers?

I use them.

I don't like them.

Okay. Puppies, where do you stand on puppies?

A puppy once bit my face.

Of course it did.

How about that? Einstein was wrong.

What?

Approaching the speed of light doesn't slow down time; approaching them does.

Excuse me.

Ugh, damn, it's my mother.

Are you going to answer it?

Uh, I'm torn.

She might be dying.

You know, wouldn't wanna miss that.

On the other hand, if I let it go to voicemail, I could play it over and over.

I know how you feel.

My mother makes me crazy.

Not as crazy as my mother makes me.

Oh yeah?

Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?

My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Okay, well, does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning like you're nine years old?

You live with your mother?

No, that's the sad part.

Oh, okay. Check this out.

My mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children.

That's nothing.

I couldn't ride a bicycle 'cause my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.

Oh, wow. You didn't, did you?

Not on a bicycle.

In a Camry.

Corolla.

-More wine? - I'd love some.

Listen, you have to come to Shabbat dinner at my house sometime.

Why?

A Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that might just give my mother the big brain aneurism I've been hoping for.

Okay, but only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.

It's a date.

Am I a matchmaker, or what?