I don't like the pity party.

I don't like talking about when I don't feel too well.

I don't know, I am a little nervous just being kind of open about like what I struggle with and like making it known to other people is a bit nerve wracking four.

I remember being really young, I'd say like 89 10 like around that time and I remember having shortness of breath and going to my mom and telling her that in hindsight.

Now I know that that was obviously anxiety I think being overworked and like being in the situation that I'm in now is kind of what like set it out of control in a way.

I've had times where I feel like I need to be rushed to the hospital because I'm I think that like my heart's failing and I can't breathe and I need like someone to like help me sometimes I think I'm dying sometimes parts of my body will go numb and it can be really yeah intense and scary.

I mean there is going to be those people that say like okay what does she have to worry about?

What does she have to be anxious about?

And I'll never sit here and say that I'm not fortunate.

I know I live a very privileged, amazing lifestyle.

Um a very blessed girl.

I still have one of these, you know what I mean?

That thing up there sometimes like doesn't always, I don't know, it's not always like happy and it's not always connecting and it's I'm still a human being at the end of the day and no matter what someone has or doesn't have it doesn't mean that they don't have real life feelings and emotions.

A psychologist in private practice here in Los Angeles.

I work with people with a wide like sort of so what you call it, Generalists, so different people bring in different stuff.

But the one thing I would say every single individual that I've ever worked with has brought in is anxiety.

One of the most important things I think is to de stigmatize all mental health issues, particularly anxiety, because a lot of people think they're alone with this.

Like you kind of said everyone I think suffers from, even if it's just a minimal amount of anxiety, but it is something when someone's like, oh my God, I have anxiety about this, like, almost using the term loosely, I know what that feels like, and like you're using that term lightly and I'm just like, I've got to remember anxieties on a continuum right at the milder end, it's probably what these people are saying, I'm feeling the society, but they're getting through the day.

But once it jumps the line and there's a point at which anxiety gets in the way it makes people more uncomfortable at work.

It makes people more uncomfortable in their relationships.

It makes people more uncomfortable out of the house.

Right?

That actually just as soon stay home, then deal with the big unknown and they're physically uncomfortable, their hearts racing.

I feel like they're crawling out of their own skin, They feel sick a lot.

Everything scary, right?

And when we get to that point, we call it clinically significant anxiety.

It's gotta Yeah.

Okay.

Well now, I know it sounds like social anxiety is something you had even before the pandemic before I was really overwhelmed.

Really overworked.

I was always around people and I kind of got really overwhelmed with all of that.

To the point where I was like, I need to be alone now.

It's more like, okay, we we've all been super isolated, where I'm almost like so used to that, but now that things are slowly opening up if I go to a dinner or if I see a few more of my friends that I'm used to seeing throughout this last year, that gives me anxiety, I'm going to give you an analogy.

Have you ever been scuba diving?

No, I've been snooping diving, okay are similar.

So we'll build up on that a little bit because when you scuba dive, if you come up too fast, like you come from 20 I know that you could actually get really sick and that's called the bends.

And psychology is similar.

Well from this pandemic, if we go too quickly from being locked in to throwing ourselves right back out there, especially for people with anxiety, they're going to kind of get the psychological bends and they're really going to kind of get rattled telling yourself into to ease yourself into it.

We're all learning are skills again, we lost.

You know, it's crazy.

Social anxiety has a certain look to it, and people work socially anxious classically are afraid that not only are people looking at them that they're criticizing their judging them and that the socially anxious person feels like they're doing judge Herbal things, or that they're making other people uncomfortable merely by being there.

Like these people are uncomfortable because I'm so awkward.

What happens is over time, because that moment is so hard, even before the person gets into the situation, their heart is racing, they feel sick.

The whole experience of even being with people feel so aversive.

It's easier to just say no I'm not.

And this is all strictly like mental, right?

It's just everything that your brain is, like, it's all you're just going down a rabbit hole, you're going down a rabbit hole.

Does it feel so physical why I ask you that is like, so I've literally gone to doctors because that's how bad it gets for me to where I'm like, something's literally wrong, correct panic attacks are the sort of the brick of every anxiety disorder or anxiety experience we see it's all a miscommunication in the brain, Everything gets ramped up, its taking the signals from here, change this, you change this.

I'm also a hipaa contract, which I don't know if that has any relation to like it's the cousin of anxiety or something, but I'm like a massive hypochondriacs, So, and that's also something that has been a thing since I was really, little, people who are anxious are always monitoring their bodies.

It's almost like a Roomba, you're always sort of like wandering around and vacuuming, vacuuming all these thoughts in your body.

And so if you even feel like a tiny headache, oh my God, I have I have a tumor in my brain, you know, or have some lung disease, I have to get checked out.

Anxiety is like a magnifying glass and it magnifies only the bad things every little ping every like this.

And so in essence, what we're trying to just take that magnifying glass and put it to being a regular lens, because it especially physical sensations, because anxiety is such a physical disorder.

And so that's one thing I always want to tell people is that they go together and that as the anxiety starts getting pulled away.

Those hypochondriacal thoughts also start coming down because they're a nuisance.

So I'm glad you mentioned that, because that's really an important thing for people to literally I'm sometimes I'm bad at putting my thoughts into words you're doing for me.

So these are some um written in questions from followers and viewers.

The first question, how do you open up to people about social anxiety?

Tell your nearest and dearest like practice talk, Having a conversation with the people you feel safest with, people will say, oh, I did not know that and thank you for telling me because I won't push, I can support you.

Can.

Now I'm aware.

Okay, next question.

How should I handle anxiety over a loved one who isn't being cautious during cope and wow, I feel this, I've heard this from so many people.

If you have a healthy relationship, you can explain your point of view and say, listen, this is concerning me for all these reasons.

Okay, if the person is still not meeting you halfway, like there really are being difficult.

I talk about realistic expectations.

You're probably not going to get them to be mask wearing sanitizer doing and washing friend.

Then all you can do is keep your side of the street clean.

I wanna anxieties, gotten a really bad brand.

So I want to also like say something nice about anxiety once upon a time.

You know the anxiety is what made us survive the anxious.

People new to say Tiger coming, don't eat those barriers, looks like something bad is happening.

Anxiety kept us safe to a degree and people who are anxious are higher in this this personality trait called neuroticism.

People who are higher neuroticism are also sometimes a little bit more aware of other people's stuff too.

I consider it like a like a beautiful thing and it's beautiful and I like that I am really aware of my body and like my mind, I know it can sometimes get the best of me, but I think that I really, I like that I'm in tune and I like that.

I like, you know, want to know everything anxiety when it's sort of right in that sweet spot is a little bit of a superpower because it actually helps you keep yourself safe, keep others safe, and kind of keep you mentally on point.

So there's that perfect sweet spot of anxiety where there's just enough where you're performing at the top of your game and keeping, so we want to get you.

Yeah, so we're asking all the doctors that I meet um for some tips and tricks that maybe the viewers can take into account of their own life um and apply to their life.

So if you have anything I would love to hear for myself and for all the viewers, one of the best things a person who socially anxious can do is prepare that getting caught becoming late rushing, that doesn't feel good.

So be on time or be a little bit early.

My God, I'm such, I need to be on time if I'm not, I freak out.

You go.

So if you can be on time or be a little bit early, even if you're sitting in your car and you're like perfect, now I'm gonna go in your less frenzied and prepare, learn what you're getting into, like how many people are gonna be there, what's it gonna feel like almost mentally rehearse it a little, that helps the law.

So, here's the second thing.

You can take away a lot of what can help people who are socially anxious is to get good feedback from your audience.

So a great way to do it is sort of a three point plan for how you can use your body.

It's uncross ng, I'm gonna cross my legs to uncross your arms, okay, make eye contact and smile when you do that, you disarm everyone.

And interestingly when I first met you, you did that right away and you put me at ease.

So I felt comfortable.

Whereas if I come in and you were just sort of distant or a leaf or remote, I would have felt anxious.

So that's a dance and that mirror dance becomes really, you know, it becomes really important.

Well, thank you so much.

Thank you so glad I got to sit with you.

I learned a lot today, so thank you and I appreciate, I appreciate you sharing your story, because I'm always grateful when people talk about their stories publicly so people can see they're not alone with this.

Because I think the hardest thing of all is to feel alone.

So thank you for doing that.

It does definitely feel like a weight is lifted when I feel something and I hear someone else saying, oh yeah, I get what you're feeling, or this must be what you're feeling, right, and I'm like, oh my gosh, yes, like that's exactly what I'm trying to express.

And it's that comforting feeling of like, okay, she's either experience this herself for she knows people that have experienced it being a doctor who's seen a lot.

So it just makes you feel a little under, it just makes you feel understood and that's a really nice feeling.