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  • How many times have you screamed at the TV while watching a horror movie?

  • Yelling stuff like, "No, don't go down there, you idiot!" or "Run, Jamie Lee Curtis, run!”

  • Well, it's time to put your money where your mouth is because now you're trapped inside a horror movie.

  • Even if you're the fastest, the strongest, or even the smartest, in the world of horror movies, no one is safe.

  • In fact, your chances of survival are even lower than in real life.

  • One wrong move could mean a horrifying death.

  • The good news is, we've got the know-how to help you out.

  • Today, we're going to learn how to survive in a horror movie.

  • The best horror films stay with you, even after the movie is over.

  • But what if this was taken literally?

  • What if you had to survive a night trapped inside a horror film?

  • It would be hopeless, right?

  • Well, here's the thing.

  • Horror films relish their genre conventions.

  • This means that within the world of a horror movie, there's a list of rules you have to follow.

  • -There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie.

  • Will you survive the night?

  • Or become another horror movie victim?

  • -Here's Johnny!

  • Luckily for you, we've taken the time to watch hours and hours of scary movies, and have come up with a list that may just get you through this in one piece.

  • Step one: Be a good person... but not too good.

  • Okay, I know that sounds a little contradictory, but it's going to help you make it out of this with your life, your sanity, and your limbs still intact.

  • Horror movies love to punish jerks.

  • So, if you're a mean cheerleader, or an obnoxious jock, your days are numbered.

  • Rude characters are usually killed off early.

  • And the meaner you are, the more spectacularly brutal your death will be.

  • Audiences love to see jerks get their comeuppance.

  • Don't give them fuel for their bloodlust.

  • It's better to be the kind-hearted leading man or woman, because statistically, a protagonist stands a much greater chance of surviving a night of terror.

  • But here's the thing.

  • You don't want to be too good.

  • Sure, doing nice things may make you feel all warm and fuzzy.

  • But beware, there is such a thing as too much kindness.

  • So, if you find yourself thinking about picking up that hitchhiker, or adopting that little boy with a 666 birthmark, just remember the phrase, "No good deed goes unpunished."

  • Step two: Don't investigate.

  • What was that strange noise out in the woods?

  • Hmm, I'd better go check it out... alone.

  • -I'll be right back!

  • Don't go into barns, basements, graveyards, ancient burial grounds, abandoned insane asylums, or anything even the slightest bit foreboding.

  • -Anybody here?

  • Not only are you trespassing, but your flagrant, uninvited violation of a killer's space is a surefire way to being spectacularly murdered.

  • Step three: Stay together.

  • As the saying goes, there's strength in numbers.

  • So never, ever split up.

  • If you do, well, expect the killer to pick you off, one by one.

  • A safe number would be a group of five or more.

  • At the very least, when the killer comes, you have an 80 percent chance that they won't off you first.

  • So, just hunker down together and wait till sunrise.

  • As long as we stay here we should be... wait, why are you getting naked?

  • Step four: No sex!

  • Okay, keep it in your pants for just a second.

  • Now is really, really not the time.

  • For some reason, sex in a horror movie usually guarantees death.

  • Better to save yourself for marriage.

  • Even if you're a pure-as-the-driven-snow virgin, you'll still wind up a blood-spattered, hyperventilating mess.

  • But a very much alive, blood-spattered, hyperventilating mess.

  • Step five: Even the odds.

  • -Groovy.

  • Now that you've endured a night of pure terror, you've grown to be a more confident person, and are finally ready to stand up for yourself.

  • -Get away from her, you $%#!

  • But unless you are schooled in the art of self-defense, and your hands are listed as registered weapons, don't walk around empty-handed.

  • It's time to arm yourself and prepare for the final showdown.

  • Step six: Never assume the killer is dead.

  • -Okay, we did it.

  • -We beat the killer.

  • -Now let's go home and

  • -Ahhhh

  • -That happens every time!

  • Monsters like Freddy, Jason, Michael, heck, even the Terminator, are unstoppable forces of evil that will never give up.

  • There are sequels to be made, after all.

  • Chances are, if they're down, they're never out.

  • Finish the job, or put as much distance between you and them as possible.

  • The good news is, horror movies are make-believe.

  • They're like rollercoasters, meant to make you afraid in a safe space.

  • But real life can be a horror show too.

  • -Oh, I'm so sorry!

  • If you want to survive a horror movie situation, keep your wits about you at all times, use common sense, and don't go anywhere alone.

  • But what if you have to be alone?

  • What if there's no one else but you, and you're the last person alive on Earth?

  • Well, good news is, we're here to help you survive whatever life throws at you.

  • Don't forget to follow us if you liked this episode.

How many times have you screamed at the TV while watching a horror movie?

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How to Survive in a Horror Movie

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    Elise Chuang posted on 2021/05/28
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