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  • - Thank you for inviting me over here to the game today.

  • - Oh, no problem - Really appreciate it.

  • - I mean, you're my best friend.

  • - Wow, thanks man.

  • Hey, you know what, you're my best friend too.

  • - Cool.

  • - Yeah yeah yeah. - Wrote a song about it.

  • (Keegan laughs)

  • You're my best friend

  • Together we can change the world

  • - I've been trying to reach out to you

  • all day, are we on for tonight?

  • Jeez.

  • - What? You can't catch me.

  • You can't catch me. I'm Lance Moore.

  • Touchdown bitch. What? Pause.

  • (phone rings)

  • Oh shoot.

  • Keegan's been texting me.

  • Sorry dude. Missed your texts.

  • I assumed we'd meet at the bar, whatever.

  • I don't care.

  • (phone chimes)

  • - Sorry dude, missed your texts.

  • I assumed we'd meet at the bar.

  • Whatever I don't care.

  • Whatever I don't care? What the (beep) is his problem?

  • Do you even want to hang out?

  • - Do you even wanna hang out?

  • Oh, that's considerate.

  • Like I said, whatever.

  • - Like I said whatever?

  • (beep) this guy!

  • Jesus, you-

  • - are (beep) priceless. Aww. You're

  • - The one who's (beep) priceless this...

  • This (beep) right here.

  • Oh he wants to, mm hm.

  • Okay. You wanna go?

  • - Right now? Guess I could do that.

  • (he grunts)

  • Okay.

  • - Okay let's go. He said okay let's go.

  • Okay let's go?!

  • All right, you know what

  • you know what, you wanna really

  • - Do this now? Keegan, you nut.

  • You're not putting me out.

  • - (beep) yeah, let's do it.

  • Oh ya (beep) asshole!

  • - First round's mine.

  • - Oh no, oh no there gon be no rounds asshole!

  • It's gonna be a (beep) street fight.

  • This son of a-

  • (upbeat dance music)

  • - Cause tonight we gonna party ...

  • - You!

  • - Buddy! Like I said, first round's mine.

  • A beer and a gimlet for my partner right-

  • what's that?

  • - Uh, I got you a baseball bat.

  • With nails in it.

  • - For my post-apocalyptic Jackie Robinson costume.

  • How did you know?

  • (car honks)

  • - All right, so we have to remember H5.

  • - Okay. Uh, oh. I got it. High five.

  • - Oh I see, that's good.

  • I see what you're trying to do there.

  • You're trying to figure out a mnemonic device.

  • Uh, okay, high fives came out in the '70s.

  • That's when they were invented.

  • That's a seven.

  • - Yeah.

  • - There's two of us.

  • So if you subtract two from seven, that's five.

  • - Okay great, so you got it.

  • - And then, there's five major food groups.

  • - Why are you going on?

  • - Oh no you're gonna love this.

  • This is fun for me cause it's a puzzle.

  • - No, no puzzle.

  • - Five major food groups. There's meat, vegetables,

  • grain, dairy, and fruits.

  • - Okay.

  • - My favorite fruit is pineapple.

  • - But you know that we got it already.

  • - Pineapple comes from Hawaii.

  • - Okay.

  • - Oh, and oo, my favorite current show is Hawaii Five-0.

  • - Hawaii Five-0, okay. So that's it. Done.

  • - Oo, oo and Scott Caan is the star of Hawaii Five-0.

  • - We're really talking about Scott Caan?

  • - His father is James Caan,

  • who's one of the five major stars of

  • - What's wrong with you?

  • - One of the five major huge stars, H, right,

  • of the Godfather movies.

  • So it's Caan, Pacino, Brando, Duvall, and um Diane Keaton.

  • And it's easy to remember her name because

  • her name is the same last name as Buster Keaton.

  • And Michael Keaton. Both comedians and when you laugh,

  • you say ha. Ha, ha.

  • - Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

  • You see what you're doing?

  • You're over complicating the whole thing.

  • We already had it. You're just,

  • you're just making it more difficult.

  • Just like you do everything.

  • I left my phone in the car.

  • Which is, wait, hold up.

  • A dab, no it was a handshake.

  • - No I got it, I got it.

  • Ha, Buster Keaton then Michael Keaton,

  • same last name as Diane Keaton,

  • one of the five huge stars

  • on the Godfather movies. Keaton, Brando, Duvall,

  • Pacino, and James Caan, who's the father of

  • Scott Caan, who's the star of Hawaii Five-0,

  • Hawaii, pineapple, pineapple's my favorite fruit,

  • five major food groups, two of us,

  • five plus two is seven,

  • that's the 70s, when high fives were invented.

  • H5! - High five! High five!

  • I had it!

  • Damn!

  • - [Peele] What up Vegas?

  • - What up Vegas?!

  • - Ha ha ha.

  • Yo. Three days, me and you, free drinks,

  • thank you, beotches!

  • - Man, this is gonna be our shit right here, dog.

  • This is gonna be my

  • Let's get some jams going up in this bitch right now!

  • (rap music)

  • Oh shit! That's my jam right there!

  • I love this song man!

  • - I love this song too, man!

  • That's, everybody loves this song.

  • - Roll with me, roll with me

  • Let the night on fire with me

  • - Girl you know that I got

  • What you need see, don't get greedy

  • Give it up sweetly,

  • Let me set that body free,

  • Cause what you got, you got to give it to me

  • What

  • Let the night unfold with me

  • - Ever since I was rocking a onesie,

  • I know that you was second to none B

  • growing up, and learning ABC's

  • and one, two, threes,

  • hoping you'd learn we.

  • Were meant to be.

  • Even way back then.

  • Every little nigga knows a perfect ten.

  • But then you know, I grow up,

  • and got a little bit older, a little bit bolder.

  • Brushing off my shoulders, almost a man.

  • Those playground feelings grew stronger.

  • Couldn't wait much longer.

  • Now with me.

  • You belong girl - Roll with me.

  • - Roll with me, roll with me.

  • - Let the night on fire with me.

  • - [Keegan] Use your words, take it right now!

  • (Peele mumbles incorrectly to song)

  • - Now, no, what the hell?

  • Don't turn it off just cause you don't know it.

  • - What we gonna do when we get to Vegas?

  • - No no no no no no no, don't change the subject

  • about what we gonna do in Vegas.

  • If you don't know the words, just admit you don't

  • - I know the words.

  • I told you, why would I make up that know, don't know-

  • that's ridiculous man.

  • No, I know the words.

  • - It seemed like you didn't know the words.

  • - I know the words.

  • Hey, listen, to me, man. - What?

  • - I know the words to that song.

  • - Okay.

  • - Everybody knows.

  • - Okay.

  • - No, it's not okay cause you obviously don't believe me.

  • Hey, dude, on our friendship, I know the words.

  • To Roll with Me.

  • - Okay.

  • I'm sorry.

  • - It's all right. - Just let it go, I'm sorry.

  • That was stupid, stupid.

  • - Turn it back up.

  • (rap music)

  • (car door opens)

  • (he grunts)

  • - Yeah, that really hurt.

  • - Oh!

  • - What!

  • - Oh my God!

  • That is crazy!

  • - Oh my god.

  • - Oh my gosh.

  • - Hey, uh, forgot to tell you.

  • Congratulations on getting the new job!

  • - Oh, thanks man. Appreciate it.

  • - That's awesome.

  • - Thank you for inviting me over here to the game today.

  • - Oh, no problem.

  • - Really appreciate it.

  • - I mean, you're my best friend.

  • - Wow, thanks man.

  • Hey, you know what, you're my best friend too.

  • - Cool.

  • - Yeah yeah yeah.

  • - Wrote a song about it.

  • (Keegan laughs)

  • - Not gonna sing it or anything

  • cause that would be gay.

  • - That's pretty gay.

  • - All right, I'll give it a shot.

  • Wally you're my best friend.

  • Together we can change the world.

  • We been together through thick and thin,

  • playing ball and talking to girls.

  • Wally I'm so proud of you

  • you know you're taking all of my advice.

  • - Wait, stop, stop, stop. What advice?

  • - Oh, um, it's just a song, dude.

  • I mean, can I finish?

  • - Okay.

  • - You've done everything I've asked of you,

  • and you never ever ever question twice.

  • - What are you talking about?

  • - Thank you for doing what I told you to,

  • your achievements are also mine,

  • my padawan, you make your sensei proud.

  • Living your life, living your life,

  • living your life to my design,

  • - That was the weirdest song I've ever head in my life

  • - You have listened to your elders,

  • - I'm older than you.

  • - Never forget the words I say,

  • you are the product of my creation,

  • - What? No I'm not.

  • - I have shown you the way.

  • - Except for that you haven't.

  • You haven't.

  • - Modulate.

  • Like the white horse guides his cubs to the plains

  • of the caribou.

  • - Shut up!

  • (door closes)

  • - I have done all I can,

  • the rest is up to you.

  • My little cub is all grown up.

- Thank you for inviting me over here to the game today.

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