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  • (glasses clink)

  • (gentle music)

  • - Oh, what your drinking tastes like poop.

  • Oh, apple poop.

  • (Derek laughs)

  • (dramatic music)

  • - So what are you making?

  • What is your drink of choice this evening?

  • - The drink of choice for Amber Ruffin

  • this evening is a margarita,

  • but not just a margarita, a spicy margarita.

  • - Now, why do you go spicy on your margaritas?

  • - Thank you for asking, 'cause I felt like it.

  • (Derek laughs)

  • (burps) Hey everybody, I'm Amber Ruffin.

  • And I'm here to talk about The Little Rock Nine.

  • I can't reach you.

  • - I got you. - Oh, you got up.

  • - One more.

  • (Amber sings) One more, one more.

  • - Our stories starts in Arkansas,

  • Little Rock, to be specific.

  • It's 1957, the Supreme Court has just ruled

  • in the case of Brown Vs. The Board of Education

  • that separate is not equal.

  • So their local NAACP went out to the black community

  • and found nine kids to go to Central High School,

  • the premier high school in Little Rock, Arkansas.

  • So these kids are like, we are The Little Rock Nine.

  • We are fucking nine visions of black excellence.

  • We will go to school

  • and we'll change the world, it'll be great.

  • So then the governor of Arkansas, Orval Faubus,

  • finds out that these kids are planning to integrate.

  • And this bitch, Orval Fartbus,

  • (Derek laughs)

  • you can fart all you want it in a fart bus.

  • Anyway, Orval Fartbus was like,

  • hey, if these kids integrate,

  • the streets will run red with blood.

  • Orval Fartbus is a bitch. (laughs)

  • The kids show up to school

  • on September 4th, 1957, the first day of school.

  • The senior in the group of

  • The Little Rock Nine is Ernest Green.

  • And he is like, oh my gosh,

  • there is an ass load of angry white people.

  • This angry white mob was like, we don't like you.

  • You need to go away.

  • We are going to beat you up

  • and hang you from a tree (laughs).

  • This is not funny.

  • Meanwhile, on the other side of school, Elizabeth Eckford,

  • the ninth of The Little Rock Nine is like,

  • oh fuck, I'm here all by myself.

  • Oh my God, there's a huge mob of white people.

  • This is terrifying.

  • They're yelling and they have signs

  • and they're shouting shit.

  • And they are like, hey, you're white,

  • I mean, I'm white and you're Black.

  • So that means I don't like you.

  • So she gathers herself, and this girl is G'd up,

  • fucking face stone cold, and walking through these people

  • who wanna pick her up and break her in two,

  • just walking through like a G.

  • And she sees the Arkansas National Guard.

  • They must be here to help me, she thinks.

  • She quickens her pace and she goes,

  • hey, these white people trying to kill me, please save me.

  • And they like block her entrance.

  • They are letting other white students in.

  • She was like, what is the deal?

  • You are the National fucking Guard.

  • If anybody needs to be guarded, it's me here now.

  • So she leaves school.

  • She sits down at the bus stop.

  • And the white people are surrounding her,

  • and they're like, we don't like you, you are poopy.

  • She waits several minutes for the bus.

  • The bus pulls up and she's like,

  • thank God I can finally get out of here.

  • This isn't the last I will see of you,

  • but also, fucking fuck, can I just get a fucking education?

  • So that was the first attempt and they lost.

  • So attempt number two.

  • They regroup, they go at it again in a week.

  • They all got together this time.

  • And they all entered school

  • at the same place at the same time.

  • The Little Rock Police force escorts the children

  • into school and they say, hey, look,

  • let me catch you out on the street any other day,

  • and then who knows what, but today we'll take care of you.

  • They escort the children into school,

  • and they hold the line so that

  • the crazy angry white mob does not act a fool.

  • But the angry mob, they break through the police line

  • and goes into the school.

  • And they're like (screams) we hate Black people so much,

  • we're coming in this school to snatch you out.

  • So the cops are like, fuck.

  • So they get away in the nick of time,

  • because these people are so angry

  • that they like beat up cops and push them out of they way

  • so they could get it to these children, white people.

  • So they go to their houses.

  • These kids are now like, oh man,

  • there's nothing we can do.

  • I feel very discouraged.

  • All these white people are extra crazy, they're very mad.

  • Ernest Green turns to the group,

  • and he says, you know what?

  • We need to continue through to school

  • because all of these white people are going to

  • think we are to be fucked with.

  • We absolutely can't give up.

  • So ba pa da do!

  • That story of the crazy white people

  • of Little Rock, Arkansas finds its way to Eisenhower.

  • And he is like, the shit is fucking embarrassing.

  • These white people are fucking my shit up.

  • How dare these people think that they can

  • use mob mentality to overrule?

  • (laughs) I mean, none of these words

  • are words that have ever come out of my mouth, fuck.

  • So President Eisenhower says,

  • I'm gonna send in 1,000 troops from the 101st Airborne,

  • not a hundred of them, a hundred would have done it.

  • Not 200, not 300, but 1,000 of these people.

  • The Little Rock Nine arrive at school together.

  • And the 101st Airborne is there.

  • And they say, hey look,

  • we are going to take care of you today.

  • (car horn honks)

  • We're gonna take care of you today.

  • (car horn honks)

  • We're gonna take-- (car horn honks)

  • (laughs)

  • Beep, where were we?

  • Oh, okay, so they were like,

  • we're gonna take care of you today.

  • They escort the children into school.

  • They're holding back the crazy white people.

  • So The Little Rock Nine is like,

  • this is the shit, we did it!

  • We win everything, hurray for us.

  • So they go into school.

  • But once they get into school, they realize, oh shit,

  • now we have to deal with these children.

  • These white children are like,

  • ah-ha, you finally made it into school.

  • Now you belong to us.

  • We're gonna beat you up every chance we get.

  • She's like, why?

  • And they're like, we don't know exactly why we hate you.

  • We just know that it's something,

  • our parents have handed down to us.

  • And so we're just acting

  • in what we believe are their best interests.

  • And Elizabeth is like, well,

  • I don't know that that is their best interest.

  • Maybe if you just get along with me,

  • and they're like, no!

  • These children give

  • The Little Rock Nine hell for a whole year.

  • And these little babies are being the Blackadiest,

  • Black, Black that ever Blacked,

  • and it is blackening up my soul!

  • Okay, so Ernest Green graduated.

  • And he was like, oh, thank God.

  • These people almost killed me.

  • So Ernest Green walks across the stage, grabs his diploma,

  • looks out in the audience and sees Dr. Martin Luther King!

  • Ernest was like, oh my God,

  • that is Dr. Martin Luther The King!

  • He's like, these people almost killed me,

  • but I did it, isn't this crazy?

  • And then Dr. Martin Luther King is like,

  • well, there's nothing else you have to do

  • 'cause you've already gone through it, good job.

  • Look at my nails, they're so beautiful!

  • Hi, hi, so pretty!

  • What was I talking about?

  • Oh okay, then the 40 year anniversary was in 1997.

  • Oprah Winfrey had them on her show.

  • And Oprah Winfrey was like,

  • hey, Little Rock Nine, guess who I have on the show?

  • The children that tormented you.

  • And the bullies were like, look,

  • back in 1957, we were little punks,

  • but now we're cool dudes who love you.

  • And we're sorry, because we were mean to you.

  • And being mean to Black people is not cool anymore.

  • So we just wanted to absolve ourselves of that.

  • Their apologies were not up to 2019 standards.

  • Their apologies were frankly bullshit.

  • But The Little Rock Nine forgave them

  • for all the terrible things they did.

  • And that is more than fucking I ever would have done.

  • So in 1999, President Bill Clinton gave

  • each of The Little Rock Nine the Congressional Gold Medal,

  • because what they went through was fucking amazing.

  • It's shocking that anyone

  • went through it, much less children.

  • Cannot point out enough that they were children.

  • So The Little Rock Nine wins.

  • Everyone else is a piece of shit.

  • The end.

  • Racism's fixed and everything's fine (laughs).

  • - Oh cool, happy 2019.

  • Isn't it cool.

  • - (laughs) Happy 2019.

  • I dunno what I was saying,

  • but I love margaritas, and Black people.

  • Hello, today we're going to talk about Claudette Colvin.

  • Guess what?

  • In Montgomery, Alabama, in 1955,

  • a young Black woman became the first person who was arrested

  • for not giving up her seat to a white lady on the bus.

  • That young woman's name is Claudette Colvin.

  • Claudette Colvin is a 15 year old bespectacled teenager.

  • Uh-oh, let me say it.

  • Bespectacled teenager.

  • It's a hard word, bespectacled.

  • She takes the bus home from school.

  • So her friends are like, all right,

  • we're having a fun trip to home, uh-oh, a white lady.

  • A white lady gets on the bus.

  • The white lady is like, hey,

  • you guys have to move because I'm white.

  • Claudette's friends leave.

  • But Claudette stays and is like, you know what?

  • I paid my fare the same as this white lady paid her fare.

  • So Claudette's like (bleep)you,

  • I'm (bleep) sitting, have a seat.

  • White lady's like, I will not have a seat.

  • The bus driver's like, I'm gonna get the cops.

  • So the cops are like, move.

  • Claudette's like, I shall not be moved.

  • And they drag her off the bus.

  • The only thing she knows to do is to go,

  • it's my constitutional right.

  • And they're like, this is 1955,

  • and we don't have to do (bleep) so (bleep) you.

  • Claudette's like, (bleep) 1955. (burps)

  • I'm sorry I burped.

  • I'm not sorry!

  • So wait, what? - I was just saying--

  • - So the NAACP is flooded with letters

  • saying Claudette Colvin is so brave, she's wonderful.

  • And the person who reads these letters,

  • the secretary of the NAACP, Rosa Parks.

  • Rosa Parks goes to Claudette Colvin's house,

  • and is like Claudette, you're the (bleep).

  • Claudette's like, I (bleep) know,

  • I'm the one who got my ass dragged to jail.

  • And that's how they really connect and become friends.