- All right, kids.

Regina is gonna be here any minute.

Let's run through date night one more time.

You, go.

- Fletcher Murphy, chief lieutenant overseeing good vibes.

From my control room,

I promise to keep the mood light and flirtatious.

The lights will dim at 5:30 PM,

followed by music.

Sunset at 6:01,

which means my trademark confetti closer

will blast off at exactly 6:02 PM.

- Blark, father of Son, date night security.

From my rooftop post,

I'll neutralize any potential threat to the date.

- Oh my God, do you hear that?

I think I hear some Jehovah's Witnesses down the block

looking for a date to ruin.

- My watch has begun.

(grunting)

(glass breaking)

(panting)

- [Jehovah's Witness] Good morning, sir.

- [Blark] Jehovah's Witness!

(punching)

- [Jehovah's Witness] I'm Atheist you idiot!

(police siren wailing)

- [Police] No punching allowed!

- [Blark] Oh (beep), the fuzz!

(glass breaking)

Hot wire...

(tires screeching)

- [Police] We've got a runner.

We need back up. (car horn honking)

Look out! (car crashing)

- [Blark] Damn, I'm trapped.

- [Yoni] Hey Blark, need a lift?

- [Blark] Yoni, you hoozy loving IDF godsend.

(Yoni speaking foreign language)

Don't mind if I do.

(electricity zapping)

(yelling)

(explosion rumbling)

- Stace, hit me.

- Babs and snacks.

5:35 PM, box juice.

5:45 PM, cans of slop.

- Whoo, put some pep in that step, Stace.

- Okay, my child burned my only shot at a writing comeback

because he was in a fire cult you started.

When am I getting paid?

- Chop chop, everyone.

Not a moment to spare.

If all goes according to plan,

I will achieve my goal for the evening,

a first kiss from my love.

It's a go time.

(upbeat music)

- Yes, I picked up your meds, Mom.

- [Mom] Well, come home afterwards.

- I can't right now.

I have study group.

- [Mom] Is there anything you need to tell me?

- I did tell you.

- [Mom] No, you didn't.

- I did!

- [Mom] You need to relax.

- I need to relax? - Yes.

Don't tell me to relax!

I hate it when you say that.

- [Mom] Geez, just come home.

- I'll see you later.

- [Mom] Okay, love you.

- I love you too. - Bye.

(sighing)

I'm gonna have a great night with my boyfriend.

Going to eat some junk food.

Gonna read some comics.

Gonna have the most fun ever,

or I'll burn this mother(bleep)er down!

Oh, that's better.

(exciting music)

- Check, baby, check, one, two.

- Okay, transportation Blark, come on.

I'm sure Mozart lost a few requiems

before he landed on D minor.

(crashing)

- What's that, Son?

By security, you meant securing this moment on film forever.

You got it, bud.

(thrilling music)

- Oh, if it isn't my lovely girlfriend.

(kissing)

Just a little European hello.

Welcome to Chez Son.

(sultry jazz music)

- Wow, you didn't have to do this.

I would've settled for microwave taquitos on a paper towel.

- Humble, alive, sexy.

- Showtime.

(electricity crackling)

(light bulbs breaking)

- So, Reg, Gina, girl.

Tell me about your day.

- I don't know, Son.

It's kind of a sensitive subject.

- I'm sensitive,

to dairy.

- Well, I don't talk about it a lot,

but my mom kind of has problems.

- Don't we all?

Ah, Garcon, and what delicious libations do you bring?

- May I present room temp juice

from a box in a cup,

on a table.

- My tastes buds dance with anticipation.

Compliments!

- Son, can we just go to your room and watch horror movies?

- Nonsense, this is date night.

Please, continue.

- Well, so, I picked up my mom's meds today.

- Son, I can't help but fall for a guy

who really loves his dad.

Yep.

I'm on the wait list to get facial reconstructive surgery

to look just like him.

- I mean, I want to there for my mom,

but it's exhausting.

Especially when Jamie--

- Where the hell is Stacey?

(microwave humming)

- Plus honors Spanish has been muy difficult.

To be honest,

I've really been looking forward to this date night,

and I've really been looking forward to telling you

I'm actually a murderous vampire chihuahua.

- Oh, that's cool.

Right on, chief.

That's awesome.

There's my guy.

You smell that?

Grandma's home cooked ravioli.

Garcon, enlighten us with

your delicate preparation process for this dish.

- Well, hmm.

I cracked the can,

dumped the stuff,

shove it in the microwave,

and watch it spin.

At which point it dawns on me.

Are we all just flesh noodles stuffed with weak meat,

born into the microwave of life.

I mean some of us, sure, pulled out with purpose.

Others, forgotten until her once warm, busy insides

become stale, cold, and motionless.

Then--

- Grandma folded the last ravioli

with tender love and affection.

And whispered in my ear.

- Life has no inherent design.

It is blind, pitiless, and it is indifferent.

(microphone feedback squealing)

(smooth jazz music)

- Okay.

- Why don't we watch the sunset from the veranda?

- That was close.

T minus two minutes to Kisses City.

- Sometimes I come here to forget about my worries.

Let the view transport me to an Italian Villa.

- Son, what are you even talking about?

What is all of this?

Honestly, all I wanted to do tonight was

just chill out in your room.

- Me as well, my sweet,

but the sunset beckons.

Just a little more time until they're--

- Son, where are you right now?

You're not even here with me.

- I'm here.

- But you're not!

You've been in a freaking la-la land.

I told you I was a blood sucking lap dog,

and you didn't even blink.

- It'll all make sense soon enough, Regina.

Just relax. (ominous music)

- Relax?

Don't tell me to (bleep)ing relax!

I didn't want to talk about this stuff!

I just wanted to eat taquitos and read comics and have fun!

Yes, Son, I have a lot going on,

but that is not why I come here.

I come here to hang out with my best friend to escape,

not be dragged around by some (bleep) Italian tour guide!

- Oh.

(upbeat disco music)

(laughing)

- Houston, we have a go.

- Show me sexy and a little bit reckless.

- Son, I'm breaking up with you.

(music continuing)

- Date night secured.

That's-a my boy!

- Sounded like a victory to me.

- Fletch, you handsome Komodo dragon,

you've done it again.

- [Fletch] Yeah, baby!

(laughing)

(music continuing)