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  • - [Anders] I got a skateboarding celebrity

  • right here for ya, Blake Henderson.

  • Champion of the ramp.

  • - What's up, brajettes?

  • Very gnar to meet you.

  • We gotta, we gotta, we gotta

  • Gotta be fresh

  • - You guys ready to get weird tonight, or what?

  • - Fur sure.

  • - Oh ho, lookin' straight grizzly.

  • - Bitch better have my honey!

  • - Oh, ooh, bear puns, I like those.

  • - Dude, I can't believe

  • you spent your entire paycheck on that jacket.

  • - Well, I didn't spend my entire paycheck.

  • I made 350, and Karl gave me a deal on the coat.

  • 345!

  • - [Adam] That's good, that's a good deal.

  • - So you saved five bucks.

  • Way to go.

  • - Well, I invested my savings in a little bottle of Ipecac.

  • It's the stuff that makes you barf?

  • - Smart move.

  • - Basically a get out of work free pass.

  • Gotta be fresh

  • - Hey, buddy.

  • I couldn't help but overhear you

  • being a little nervous Nelly Furtado.

  • - Yeah, I guess. - You need a friend?

  • - Oh nah, meh, no, don't do it.

  • - Blake, try it once, man.

  • Look at me, man.

  • I got it all figured out, buddy.

  • - Did it cause your eye to do that, or?

  • - No, I was born with that.

  • - Oh okay, then yeah, I'll give it a shot.

  • I wish this was real.

  • (both laughing)

  • - He would've murdered her.

  • - Hey, it's Blake right?

  • - Who the (bleep) is this?

  • - I saw you on campus earlier, and I've gotta say,

  • pretty convincing French police officer.

  • - Thank you.

  • - How'd you like to be the understudy of Javert

  • in this year's production of "Les Mis?"

  • - Understudy?

  • How 'bout you study under my nutsack.

  • - [Karl] Oh!

  • - Right under there.

  • - There it is. - There it is.

  • - Sorry, is that a no?

  • - Fritz, life is a stage!

  • - Correct.

  • - Smoke weed until you die.

  • - That's right, that's right.

  • - Now why don't you go direct yourself over

  • to the Snack Shack and get daddy some Airheads?

  • - Bounce, man.

  • - Okay I will bounce, thank you, bye.

  • - That was good, man.

  • Acting's for chicks anyways.

  • Gotta be fresh

  • - [Blake] Come on, I wanna show you something, come on.

  • Jesus, are you kidding me, come on!

  • - Guys?

  • I'm sorry, but you can't be in here.

  • We've got rehearsal in about five minutes.

  • - And I need but four, okay?

  • This is Mr. Buckley, Rancho Cucamonga acting legend,

  • have you heard of him?

  • - No.

  • - Well, we would like to perform a scene from his play,

  • which I'm sure you've heard of, MacBreath.

  • - Fine. - Excellent.

  • (Blake laughs)

  • - What are you doing?

  • - All right everybody, I will be playing the role of Angela,

  • and he shall be playing the role of MacBreath, our hero.

  • Our scene starts in a crowded bus.

  • Angela enters.

  • Excuse me?

  • Pardon me.

  • - Blake, I can't do this.

  • - Oh, excuse me, pardon me.

  • - I can't do this without drugs.

  • - Excuse me!

  • Excuse me!

  • - Here, take my seat.

  • - Oh you are too kind.

  • I'm Angela.

  • - I'm Leonard, Angela,

  • but everyone calls me MacBreath.

  • - MacBreath?

  • - In seventh grade, we played spin the bottle,

  • and it landed on Jen DiAngelo.

  • We kissed, and then she told me my breath

  • smelled like McDonald's cheeseburgers.

  • Then she got everyone to chant,

  • "MacBreath, MacBreath, MacBreath!"

  • I curse you, Jen DiAngelo!

  • I curse you with all the venom of my heart!

  • I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

  • (chair clatters)

  • - Well, I like cheeseburgers!

  • And I think the name MacBreath is cool!

  • - You do?

  • - Let me smell your breath, MacBreath.

  • - If you must.

  • (exhales deeply)

  • - Mm.

  • I'm loving it.

  • Gotta be fresh

  • - Do we have anyone else reading for Hamlet?

  • - One more!

  • - Get on with it. - Thanks.

  • Okay before I start, this boomerang has like knife edges.

  • Back off, easy.

  • (Blake choking)

  • (Blake grunting)

  • (Blake screaming)

  • Back up!

  • All right?

  • I'm not from here!

  • I'm from a goddamn prison colony,

  • so unless you want a little bit of what he just got--

  • - I'm sorry, what scene are you doing?

  • - This is from "Crocodile Dundee IV: The New Class."

  • It's an original script.

  • - And are you even a student here?

  • - Not technically sir, no.

  • But, I will do anything to be a star.

  • - You are a very bad actor,

  • and we would never use you in a production.

  • Gotta be fresh

  • - Hello, and welcome!

  • (all clapping)

  • I am the resident magician, Magic Blake,

  • and this is my beautiful assistant, Magic Karl.

  • We start off with a card trick.

  • You sir, what's your name?

  • Let me guess, Waymond.

  • How'd I know?

  • Go ahead and pick a card, Waymond.

  • Okay, what is the card?

  • Don't tell me.

  • Actually, don't you ever tell me, all right?

  • Put it back in the deck.

  • Anywhere in the deck.

  • Now, Magic Karl's gonna go to the other side of the stage,

  • and I'm gonna go to the other other side of the stage,

  • and visualize the card.

  • Oh now please, please make sure that my assistant,

  • Magic Karl, is placing that deck very, very far away.

  • Distract 'em, distract 'em.

  • Okay, so I'm just visualizing.

  • Nothing to see really over here,

  • it's just me thinking, visualizing, boring.

  • (crowd gasping) Okay.

  • And what did, okay, whoa!

  • Okay, whoa.

  • What are you doing, what are you do, what are you doing?

  • - I'm just doing what feels right.

  • - Okay, okay. - Okay?

  • - This is not right, please put your penis away, Karl.

  • - Fine, god, fine! - This is a family show.

  • - [Karl] There's no kids here, is there?

  • - Well, I'm just saying we need to have that option.

  • All right, stop.

  • And I visualized this.

  • Queen of hearts, what do you say, Waymond?

  • Is that your card?

  • No?

  • Okay, there had to be a mixup somewhere--

  • - Hiyah!

  • This is my show now, baby.

  • They wanna see my dick!

  • - Helicopter your wang!

  • - You got it, buddy.

  • That's what I wanna do!