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  • - Hey, Anders Holmvik, welcome.

  • - Interesting name, are you Finnish?

  • - No, sir, I'm just getting started (laughs).

  • You gotta

  • You gotta

  • You gotta ♪ ♪ You gotta be fresh

  • - Garcon (claps) (whistles), where is this guy?

  • - Yes, sir?

  • - Sir, I love this kid.

  • First of all, I'd like to see the chef face to face.

  • These are the best Cajun chicken niblets I've ever had.

  • - Yeah. - (whistles) Come on.

  • Also, we're gonna want to get dessert.

  • I'm wondering which wine pairs best

  • with the Oreo cheesecake?

  • - I wouldn't know that.

  • - You don't know?

  • Okay.

  • Perhaps you should send over the house sommelier.

  • - Greg is from Nigeria.

  • - No, I don't mean Craig.

  • I don't see how this helps us.

  • I just want cheesecake with a good wine.

  • - All right, let's skip dessert.

  • Just get some more drinks, huh?

  • - [Blake] Yeah, we got some celebrating to do.

  • - Indeed. - So Ders come on,

  • tell us what's it like to be on top of the world?

  • - Honestly this is great.

  • I feel terrific.

  • I look great.

  • Wearing a suit to the office.

  • No joke.

  • It makes you better than everyone else there.

  • - To our best friend who will never betray, ever.

  • - Let's talk business guys.

  • Are you guys familiar with vertical integration?

  • You've gotta look at your bottom line.

  • There's net and there's net, net.

  • Here's the thing, now that I'm in charge.

  • Get on my coattails.

  • You can't be messing around at the office.

  • I look at it this way.

  • Promotion, car, wife.

  • We're gonna change things up around the office.

  • I'm gonna let Alice know who's in charge now.

  • Let's keep things the same.

  • Oh my God, what is this?

  • That's what we call diversify.

  • Do you even know karate?

  • Get used to this. (burping)

  • (yelling)

  • I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

  • Can a mother fucker get their check please?

  • Who are you?

  • - You asked to see me.

  • I made your Cajun chicken niblets.

  • - No, no, no, you made my year.

  • You have a gift and the super dope hat.

  • This is cool.

  • All right, boys.

  • Let's go.

  • Gotta be fresh

  • - Anders, I got a mission for you, stretch.

  • - Ma'am yes ma'am .

  • - I'm sending you to the North Rancho

  • college job fair to recruit some new employees.

  • - Wow.

  • - Grab a couple of people to help you get contact info

  • on 100 people interested in working here.

  • - You've got it, I will assemble my team right now.

  • - Great.

  • TelAmeriCorp, TelAmeriCorp, ♪

  • Come make phone calls with me. ♪

  • - Come on and join the telemerican army.

  • Where the front line is the landline.

  • It's phones.

  • You just make the phone calls all day.

  • - Hey army man. - Yeah?

  • - You take requests?

  • 'Cause I request you take that mic

  • and shove it up your ass. (laughing)

  • - Who are you guys, what do you got?

  • Oh, U.S Coast Guard.

  • Cool, I get it.

  • 'Cause you guys coast on the backs

  • of the people who really guard our country.

  • (laughing)

  • Oh my God, dude.

  • Did one of you guys just fart?

  • 'Cause it smells like salty dick.

  • (laughing)

  • Woo, I'm downwind.

  • You guys want to see my impression of the Navy?

  • (beeping)

  • And here's my impression of the U.S. Coast Guard.

  • (yelling) - You better watch your mouth.

  • - Okay, sign up, man.

  • Just need your name,

  • email, phone number and the stool sample.

  • Just kidding, I'm not the Coast Guard.

  • Gotta be fresh

  • This is Waller,

  • it's almost after dark and he's dressed like that.

  • You're asking for it.

  • Hey, why don't you losers try an organized sport for once?

  • Hey, slow down!

  • This is not the speedway.

  • This neighborhood is on lockdown.

  • Honestly.

  • Yeah, hello?

  • I want to report a robbery in progress right now.

  • Who am I?

  • I'm the God damn neighborhood watch.

  • Oh sorry, for legal reasons?

  • It's Anders Holmvik.

  • Gotta be fresh

  • (whistling)

  • - Ladies and gentlemen,

  • please put your hands together for the next

  • president of Rancho Cucamonga.

  • Anders Holmvik!

  • (cheering)

  • - Hello! - One more time.

  • - Greetings, my fellow Rancho Cucamongans.

  • My name is Anders Torfan Holvik.

  • I'm here to announce today

  • that because I am now 25 years young.

  • It's not old, it's young.

  • I'm therefore eligible to run for

  • city councilman dude.

  • And I'm going to do it. (cheering)

  • - [Adam] So proud, so proud.

  • - Not today, like, you know, maybe down in like 2016

  • I've gotta some student loans to pay off.

  • So get that out of the way

  • and then I'm going to be up in your grills,

  • asking for votes.

  • Okay, so consider this a warning

  • and here's a slogan it's you can always bet on Ders.

  • That's my name.

  • - Hit them with it, yeah, male demo.

  • Yeah.

  • - This is not the forum to run for city council.

  • - No, I know dude.

  • I said I'm gonna run.

  • We got a stickler, I'll get him out of office ASAP.

  • - [All] Vote or die, vote or die, vote or die,

  • vote or die, vote or die.

  • - Please leave, we need you to go.

  • Gotta be fresh

  • - Greetings earthlings,

  • Anders Holmvik, resident advisor.

  • - Hi, I'm Blake. - Blake.

  • - Sup, I'm Adam DeMamp.

  • - You play sports?

  • - Swim team. - So no?

  • - Sorry, that was a funny one.

  • - Oh yeah, that's funny?

  • You know what's not funny?

  • Burning alive in the middle of the night

  • because you don't know your microwave just caught on fire.

  • Microwave's not allowed in the dorm.

  • So I'll be taking this because I'm your RA.

  • - Hey, no, I didn't mean all that.

  • Come on man, just give me a break.

  • - There are no breaks, it's college.

  • Hey, hey, hey, cut it out.

  • Pull those up.

  • - I'm sorry, I was so close to finishing

  • when you came in initially.

  • - You're lucky I don't write you up.

  • All right, you two are on my S (bleep) T list.

  • And it's a short list.

  • It's too long, T, O, O, well, welcome to college.

  • - But that's my microwave!

  • Gotta be fresh

  • I found this stuff called niacin.

  • It's supposed to flush the toxins out of your system.

  • - I could start a fire, burn this place down.

  • One time when I was a kid, I literally did this

  • for like 45 minutes and I started a fire.

  • My clubhouse went up in flames.

  • Feel that.

  • - That was a cool dance. - Yeah, thank you.

  • What's your idea, dude?

  • You're gonna give some egg salad sandwiches

  • out of that little cooler?

  • - No, I was thinking maybe two tall glasses

  • of 100% clean urine.

  • - What?

  • - Yeah, I knew about the drug test

  • because they announced it two months ago.

  • Me being your friend, stocked up for you.

  • 'Cause you guys are drug addicts.

  • But then you had to pull yesterday's little sexting prank.

  • And now I don't think you deserve it.

  • But I'll let you earn it.

  • - Name it.

  • - Bare with me here.

  • I thought about this last night.

  • - Eat this. - No thank you,

  • that is danger.

  • - Give me the damn tile.

  • - Okay, sure.

  • I really hate you for this.

  • - Enjoy that.

  • - And you know how this is going to feel coming out.

  • - Feast. - Probably not good.

  • - It's gonna make our butt holes bleed.

  • - Thanks. - Chow down.

  • (crunching) - Oh wow.

  • - That's a big first bite.

  • That's a really big first bite.

  • - It's so dry.

  • - It's like a mummy's dick.

  • - And this guy, you gotta catch up with your friend.

  • - You're a real son of a bitch.

  • - Speaking of ketchup.

  • Get the barbecue sauce on it, huh?

  • (gagging)

  • All right, you guys have had enough.

  • Why don't you just wash it down, champs?

  • - That's piss. - That's urine.

  • - We're not gonna drink piss. - No, thank you.

  • - No, no, no, this is Gatorade.

  • See that's what happens when you

  • mess with the mastermind of pranks.

  • - Okay, wow.

  • - You pull a prank on me.

  • You get pranked back.

  • All right?

  • Here is the real piss and it's all mine. (laughs)

  • It's all-- - Over your face.

  • What?

  • What?

- Hey, Anders Holmvik, welcome.

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B1 fresh coast guard coast die blake microwave

The Best of Ders - Workaholics

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/01/27
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