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  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BARK

  • EVERYBODY.

  • ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT DOING THIS SHOW IS GETTING TO

  • TALK TO ALL SORTS OF FASCINATING PEOPLE.

  • IT'S WAY MORE FUN THAN YELLING INTERVIEW QUESTIONS OUT MY

  • WINDOW AT STRANGERS.

  • BUT LATELY, I'VE FOUND MYSELF CRAVING A DEEPER CONNECTION THAN

  • YOU GET FROM MOST CELEBRITY INTERVIEWS, LESS "TELL ME ABOUT

  • YOUR LATEST PROJECT" AND MORE "TELL ME HOW YOUR ADULT SELF

  • WOULD BE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOU AS A CHILD."

  • BY THE WAY, DON'T GET ME STARTED.

  • WHICH IS WHY, WE HERE AT "A LATE SHOW," HAVE BEEN CAREFULLY

  • CRAFTING A SET OF QUESTIONS SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO DIG

  • DEEP AND REVEAL MY GUEST'S TRUEST SELF.

  • QUESTIONNAIRE."

  • AND IN ONLY 15 QUESTIONS, IT COVERS THE FULL SPECTRUM OF THE

  • HUMAN EXPERIENCE, EVERYTHING FROM SPIRITUALITY AND THE NATURE

  • OF FEAR, TO IMPORTANT STUFF LIKE SANDWICHES.

  • AND SO I WANTED TO KICK IT OFF BY ADMINISTERING THIS

  • SCIENTIFICALLY-INVALID TEST TO A FEW SCIENTIFICALLY-PROVEN

  • CELEBRITIES.

  • I MEAN, NOBODY THAT BIG: YOUR HANKS, YOUR STREEPS, YOUR

  • CLOONEYS.

  • FIRST UP, TOM HANKS.

  • BUT BEFORE WE GOT TO THE QUESTIONNAIRE, I ASKED TOM TO

  • DISCUSS HOW HE REALLY FEELS ABOUT CELEBRITY INTERVIEWS.

  • TOM, THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE YET AGAIN.

  • I'M SURPRISED YOUR HAIR HASN'T GROWN OUT.

  • >> WELL, EVERY DAY IT GETS A LITTLE BETTER.

  • >> Stephen: I WANT TO TAKE A LITTLE SIDESTEP RIGHT HERE.

  • I DON'T KNOW-- ARE YOU A DICK CAVETT FAN?

  • DID YOU WATCH-- >> I GREW UP WATCHING DICK

  • CAVETT.

  • YOU BET.

  • >> Stephen: I LIKE TO WATCH DICK EVERY SO OFTEN.

  • I'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW HIM OVER THE YEARS.

  • I THINK HE'S A GREAT MODEL FOR INTERVIEWING AND I JUST WATCHED

  • AN INTERVIEW HE DID WITH LEE MARVIN, AND I WANT TO ASK YOU A

  • QUESTION HE ASKED LEE MARVIN.

  • HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT INTERVIEWS?

  • YOU'RE THE BEST AT THEM, TOM.

  • EVERYBODY-- IT'S PROVERBIAL IN LATE NIGHT THAT EVERYBODY WANTS

  • TO SEE THE WORD "HANKS" ON THEIR BOARD.

  • OKAY, I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING TONIGHT.

  • TOM HANKS WILL BE HERE.

  • EVERYTHING IS UP THERE ON THE SCREEN.

  • THAT'S HOW YOU TRAINED YOURSELF.

  • DOES IT EVER BOTHER YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE THING YOU

  • SPENT ALL THE TIME MAKING.

  • "JUST GO SEE THE MOVIE.

  • WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL EVERYBODY?"

  • >> I WISH I HAD THE INTIMIDATION FACTOR LEE MARVIN HAD.

  • DON'T YOU THINK DICK CAVETT WAS A LITTLE AFRAID THAT LEE MARVIN

  • WOULD LOOSEN HIS TIE AND KICK HIS BUTT RIGHT THERE ON TV?

  • >> Stephen: I THINK HE WAS SMOKING CAMEL STRAIGHTS THE

  • WHOLE TIME, TOO.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> DID HE-- DID HE SIT IN THE

  • CHAIR LIKE THIS WITH A CIGARETTE ON IT?

  • YOU KNOW, I SAW HIM-- I SAW HIM ON "THE JOHNNY CARSON SHOW"

  • MANY, MANY YEARS AGO, AND JOHNNY CARSON SAID-- NOT TO MIX UP--

  • I'M ON "STEPHEN COLBERT" WE'RE TALKING ABOUT DICK CAVETT AND

  • I'M PULLING UP A JOHNNY CARSON.

  • >> Stephen: WHO HE WROTE FOR.

  • >> AND THE JERRY LEWIS SHOW BRIEFLY.

  • ANYWAY, LEE MARVIN SAID-- DICK CAVETT-- JIMMY FALL-- NO.

  • JOHNNY CARSON SAID TO LEE MARVIN "YOU'RE A WAR HERO.

  • YOU GOT A MEDAL.

  • YOU GOT A MEDAL IN WORLD WAR II."

  • HE SAID, JOHNNY, I I WAS NOT A WAR MERO.

  • I GOT SHOT IN THE ASS.

  • AND I WAS SITTING THERE BLEEDING I LOOKED DOWN ON THE BEACH AND I

  • SAW A WAR HERO.

  • I SAW A WAR HERO.

  • I SAW A BEACH MASTER THAT WAS GUIDING AND LANDING CRAFT WITH

  • RED FLAGS UNDER ENEMY FIRE ON THE BEACH AT IWO JIMA.

  • THAT MAN WAS A WAR HERO, AND THAT MAN WAS SERGEANT BOB

  • QUICHEAM.

  • YOU KNOW WHO BOB KESHAM IS.

  • >> Stephen: CAPTAIN KANGAROO.

  • THE GUY WE GREW UP WITH AS CAPTAIN KANGAROO GREW UP GUIDING

  • IN LANDING CRAFT DURING THE INVASION OF IWO JIMA.

  • >> Stephen: HOLY COW.

  • >> IF I WAS GOING TO BE ON "THE DICK CAVETT SHOW" WITH HIM, YOU

  • KNOW, LIKE IF WE WERE ALL ON THE SAME --

  • >> Stephen: SURE.

  • >> THE QUESTION ABOUT IWO JIMA WOULD BE THE THIRD THING I WOULD

  • ASK HIM.

  • BECAUSE I'D ACTUALLY LIKE TO KNOW FIRST WHO WAS THE VOICE OF

  • MR. MOOSE.

  • AND, REALLY, COULD GRANDFATHER CLOCK ACTUALLY TALK LIKE THAT?

  • THOSE WOULD BE THE QUESTIONS I'D --

  • >> Stephen: THE QUESTION I WOULD ASK IS, "WHEN THE TRAIN

  • CAME AROUND PAST THE SILO FULL OF RICE KRISPIES WHY DIDN'T IT

  • FILL IT UP EVERY TIME."

  • THAT'S WHAT I WAS WAITING FOR EVERY DAY BEFORE GOING TO

  • SCHOOL.

  • >> WE NEEDED TO HAVE MYSTERIES.

  • OTHERWISE WE WOULD HAVE GROWN UP THINKING THERE WERE SIMPLE

  • ANSWERS TO ALL OF LIFE'S PROBLEM S.

  • >> Stephen: I'D LOVE TO ASK YOU A MILLION QUESTIONS, BUT I

  • CAN'T, SO I DISTILLED EVERYTHING POSSIBLY WORTH KNOWING ABOUT A

  • PERSON DOWN TO 15 SIMPLE QUESTIONS.

  • TOM HANKS, ARE YOU READY FOR THE "COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE?"

  • >> HIT IT.

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: TOM HANKS, WHAT IS

  • THE BEST SANDWICH?

  • >> HAM-- HAM ON SWISS, NO TOMATO, LETTUCE AND MUSTARD.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT'S ONE THING THAT YOU OWN THAT YOU REALLY

  • SHOULD THROW OUT?

  • >> UH, UH...

  • >> Stephen: ONE OF THOSE TYPE WRITERS?

  • BECAUSE YOU HAVE TWO.

  • I HAPPEN TO KNOW YOU HAVE TWO RIGHT NOW.

  • >> HELL NO!

  • HELL NO!

  • YOU NEVER THROW OUT A TYPE WRITER.

  • I HAVE SOOCH STATIONARY.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL, TOM?

  • >> THAT WOULD BE A TYPE OF WORM THAT LIVES IN THE SAND OF THE

  • BEACHES OF AUSTRALIA.

  • I'LL SEND YOU A PICTURE.

  • IT WILL HAUNT YOUR DREAM S.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT HAPPENS?

  • >> WELL, THEY'RE THESE THINGS AND THEY COME UP AND THEY HAVE

  • THESE HEADS THAT IF YOU LOOK AT THEM CLOSE, THEY HONESTLY LOOK

  • LIKE SOMETHING THAT THE MANDALORIN HAD TO FLEE FROM.

  • >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?

  • >> I'M GOING TO GO WITH ORANGES.

  • >> Stephen: YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON AN OWNER,

  • RIGHT?

  • YOU CAN PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON A SLICE OF APPLE.

  • >> THAT'S NOT WHY I EAT FRUIT.

  • I DON'T VIEW FRUIT AS A PEANUT BUTTER DELIVERY SYSTEM.

  • >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR

  • AUTOGRAPH?

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: WOULD YOU MIND SHARING WHO THAT IS?

  • >> IT WAS-- I THOUGHT-- THE VERY FIRST TIME I EVER WENT TO A

  • BASEBALL GAME WHEN I WAS SEVEN YEARS OLD, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE

  • VERY EASY JUST TO GO DOWN TO THE GIANTS' CLUBHOUSE IN CANDLESTICK

  • PARK, EXPLAIN TO EVERYBODY AROUND ME THAT I WANTED WILLIE

  • MAYS' AUTOGRAPH, AND I JUST CRAWLED OUT TO THE EDGE AND

  • STUCK MY HEAD OVER THE SIDE AND WAVED A PIECE OF PAPER AND A PEN

  • WILLIE MAZE WOULD BE, "OF COURSE KID," DURING THE GAME.

  • I HAD SEEN TOO MANY TV SHOWS WHERE-- AND WE WEREN'T ALLOWED

  • EVEN UP CLOSE.

  • I DIDN'T GET THE AUTOGRAPH, BUT I WANTED IT.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?

  • >> I THINK WE GET TO RACE AUTOMOBILES.

  • I THINK WE GET TO PUT ON CRASH HELMETS AND BEAT A.J. FOYT.

  • >> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE.

  • >> "THE DIRTY DOZEN."

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT LEE MARVIN WAS TALKING TO CAVETT

  • ABOUT, "THE DIRTY DOZEN."

  • I'M NOT ( BLEEP ) YOU.

  • THAT'S WHAT MARVIN WAS TALKING ABOUT IN THE INTERVIEW.

  • CAVETT SAID, "YOU WERE IN WAR.

  • HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE DEPICTION OF WAR IN MOVIES?

  • SOME PEOPLE SAY 'THE DIRTY DOZEN'."

  • THAT GIVES YOU A SNAPSHOT INTO THE 60s.

  • SOME PEOPLE THOUGHT THAT GALORIFIED WAR IN A WAY THAT

  • REALLY SHOULDN'T BE SORT OF ADVERTISED ON THE SCREEN.

  • AND HE SAID, "NAH, I DON'T THINK SO"

  • HE GOES, "FILM IS REALLY ABOUT PUTTING THE TEAM TOGETHER AND

  • THE TRAINING THAT WE DID, PARACHUTING INTO THE-- INTO THE

  • CASTLE OR THE PALACE, OR WHATEVER IT WAS.

  • AND ALL OF THAT WAS THE SECOND HALF THAT WE PAID OFF SO THE

  • AUDIENCE COULD ENJOY THE FIRST HALF BECAUSE THEY KNEW THAT WAS

  • COMING.

  • >> IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO KILL NAZIS, DICK.

  • I ALWAYS FIND THAT A GOOD SOURCE OF FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT.

  • >> Stephen: EXACTLY.

  • >> I SAW-- I SAW "THE DIRTY DOZEN" ON A BLACK AND WHITE TV

  • WITH COMMERCIALS ON IT, AND YOU COULD NOT HAVE CONVINCED ME THAT

  • IT WAS NOT THE GREATEST MOTION PICTURE EVER MADE.

  • >> Stephen: PRETTY GOOD MOVIE.

  • PRETTY GOOD MOVIE.

  • >> GOOD MOVIE.

  • >> Stephen: YEAH IT'S-- YOU KNOW, NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THE

  • REAL THING.

  • THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

  • >> HOW ABOUT THAT?

  • >> Stephen: HE GOES, "NOBODY WANTS TO GO TO A NEWS REEL."

  • FAVORITE SMELL.

  • >> VANILLA.

  • >> Stephen: EXERCISE, WORTH IT?

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: FLAT-- >> YOU TELL-- YOU TELL ME.

  • >> Stephen: COME ON, MAN.

  • >> LET ME TIGHTEN MY SWEATER.

  • CHECK OUT-- CHECK OUT THIS TRUNK.

  • COME ON.

  • LOOK AT THAT TRUNK!

  • >> Stephen: WOW, FOR A MAN OF YOUR HEIGHT.

  • >> IT'S THE CORE, BABY, IT'S THE CORE.

  • >> Stephen: FLAT OR SPARKLING?

  • >> SPARKLING.

  • >> Stephen: LET'S HAVE A PARTY.

  • MOST-USED APP ON YOUR PHONE.

  • >> I'M GOING TO SAY THE CAMERA.

  • BECAUSE I-- I GOT RID OF A BUNCH OF APPS.

  • >> Stephen: DOES THAT QUALIFY AS AN APP?

  • >> IS THAT AN APP.

  • >> Stephen: THAT IS A CAPABILITY ON YOUR PHONE, NOT AN

  • APP.

  • >> I WILL GO TO TUNE IN RADIO BECAUSE YOU CAN LISTEN TO ANY

  • RADIO STATION IN THE WORLD.

  • >> Stephen: DIG IT.

  • YOU GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT

  • IS IT?

  • >> I'M GOING TO SAY "OUR LIPS ARE SEALED" BY THE GO GO OS

  • ( LAUGHTER ).

  • WHAT DID YOU DO?>> YOU DID NOTHI BUT I'M GOING TO IMAGINE THAT

  • FOREVER.

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ CAN YOU HEAR THEM TALKING ABOUT

  • US TELLING LIES

  • THAT'S NOT SURPRISE.

  • CAN YOU LOOK AT THEM, LOOK RIGHT THROUGH THEM

  • NOTHING CAN BE REVEALED.

  • DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY SAY IN THE JEALOUS GAMES PEOPLE PLAY.

  • OUR LIPS ARE SEALED.

  • >> Stephen: I'LL GO FOR ETERNITY.

  • WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?

  • >> SIX.

  • >> Stephen: NO.

  • DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.

  • >> MAGNIFICENT, CAVALCADE OF COLOR.

  • >> Stephen: TOM HANKS, EVERYBODY.

  • NOW YOU KNOW HIM.

  • THANK YOU, TOM.

  • THANKS AGAIN, TOM! WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL ASK WHAT MERYL STREEP

  • ASKED A FORMER PRESIDENT TO AUTOGRAPH.

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BARK

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B1 TheLateShow stephen marvin dick war autograph

Tom Hanks Takes "The Colbert Questionert"

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/01/11
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