♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,

WELCOME BACK.

LET'S SAY HI TO JON BATISTE.

HELLO, JON BATISTE >> Jon: OH, YES, INDEED,

CONTEMPLATING THE WONDERS AND JOYCE OF LIVING -- JOYS OF

LIVING >> Stephen: ME, TOO.

PEOPLE DON'T EXPECT US TO DO FRIDAY SHOWS.

THEY'RE QUITE RARE BUT WHEN WE DO THEM THEY'RE VERY SPECIAL.

TOMORROW NIGHT WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL FRIDAY SHOW BECAUSE

TOMORROW NIGHT WE'RE GOING BACK TO NEW ZEALAND.

NOT LITERALLY.

IT'S ACTUALLY ALL THE PIECES THATTA AXE -- THAT REACTUALLY

DIDN'T SHOW.

IT'S THE BEHIND THE SCENES OF HOW WE DID THE SPECIAL WEEK OF

SHOWS BACK A YEAR AGO AT THIS POINT.

WE HAD MEANT TO SHOW THIS ACTUALLY IN THE SPRING, BUT THEN

COVID HIT AND WE THOUGHT, WHEN'S THE RIGHT TIME TO DO THIS?

AND THEN THIS WEEK WE WENT, YEAH, SEEMS LIKE THE RIGHT TIME

TO DO THIS.

BUT IT'S EXTRAORDINARY.

STUFF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN, RARE INTERVIEWS WITH PETER JACKSON,

INCREDIBLE.

YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO CHECK IT OUT, JON

>> Jon: OH, YEAH, YEAH, I'D LOVE TO SEE IT.

BEHIND THE SCENES, BABY!

>> Stephen: HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND, MY FRIEND

>> Jon: YES, YOU, TOO.

MUCH LOVE TO YOU AND EVIE.

>> Stephen: BACK TO YOU.

FOLKS...

THE HOLIDAYS ARE JUST AROUND THE CORNER, AND ALL OVER THE

COUNTRY, AMERICANS ARE SCRAMBLING TO FIND THE PERFECT

GIFT TO DIP IN BLEACH BEFORE SENDING IT TO NANA.

WE'RE ALL MAKING A LOT OF SACRIFICES DURING THE HOLIDAY

SEASON, DUE TO THE PANDEMIC.

BUT ONE THING WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SACRIFICE ARE HOLIDAY CARDS.

EVERYONE LOVES THEM.

BUT THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THESE CARDS DON'T ALWAYS GET IT RIGHT

ON THE FIRST TRY.

SO WE'RE TAKING A LOOK AT SOME OF THEIR EARLY ATTEMPTS IN OUR

HOLIDAY SEGMENT, "FIRST DRAFTS!" >> NO, NO, STUPID!

>> Stephen: AS ALWAYS WITH "FIRST DRAFTS," I

NEED SOMEONE FROM THE AUDIENCE TO COME UP AND HELP ME OUT.

LET'S SEE, UM, MISS?

WOULD YOU HELP ME?

LOVELY TO MEET YOU >> LOVELY TO MEET YOU

>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

EVELYN COLBERT.

>> Stephen: WOW.

I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY I'M TURNED ON.

THIS IS ROLE PLAYING, WE INTRODUCE EACH OTHER.

HI, I'M STEPHEN.

WE HAVE THE SAME LAST NAME.

LET'S FIND OUT WHERE THIS GOES.

HERE'S HOW THIS WORKS.

YOU FAMILIAR WITH "FIRST DRAFTS"?

>> I'VE SEEN THE SHOW >> Stephen: YOU A FAN?

YEAH >> Stephen: YOU SHOULD, PAID

FOR THOSE RINGS.

( LAUGHTER ) SIGNALING SHIPS.

OKAY.

HERE WE GO.

HERE'S HOW YOU DO.

YOU'VE GOT A STACK OF THINGS THERE, THE CARDS RIGHT THERE.

YOU GOT THOSE.

>> I GOT THEM.

>> Stephen: YOU WANT A GLASS OF WINE?

>> LET'S LOOSEN YOU UP A LITTLE BIT.

THERE YOU GO.

SO YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW ME A HOLIDAY CARD, AREALLY NICE ONE,

AND THEN AFTER THAT YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW ME THE SAME CARD BUT THE

FIRST DRAFT THAT REALLY WASN'T SO GREAT.

OKAY.

MAKES SENSE.

>> AM I LOOKING AT YOU?

>> Stephen: LOOKING AT ME.

EYES OVER HERE, BABY.

I'M LOOKING AT THEM.

>> I SEE HOW THAT WORKS.

>> Stephen: GIVE ME THE DAMN CARD.

SORRY THIS IS GOING SO LONG, EVERYBODY, BUT I THINK I'M

GETTING SOMEPLACE WITH THIS ONE.

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE, DO WE DO IT OVER HERE?

THERE'S A LOVELY SORT OF TRADITIONAL WARD AND IT SAYS

"O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL."

BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID "WHOA, SIX FEET, YE FAITHFUL!

DON'T YE LISTEN TO THE C.D.C.?" ( LAUGHTER )

SO WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS?

>> WHAT WOULD I LIKE?

>> Stephen: WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS?

>> A VACCINE.

>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, I CAN'T TO THAT.

>> I KNOW.

A WELL-TRAINED DOG.

>> Stephen: WHOA, CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT EITHER.

QUICKER TO GET YOU A VACCINE.

BENNY'S FANTASTIC BUT HE NEEDS LOVE ON HIS OWN TERMS, LIKE MOST

MEN.

OKAY.

>> READY FOR THE NEXT ONE?

>> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?

I'LL PULL IT OUT OF YOU.

>> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

>> Stephen: I'D LIKE A COTTON CANDY MACHINE.

OKAY.

>> TOO MESSY.

>> Stephen: THIS ONE IS ABOUT THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS,

ALL RIGHT.

IT SAYS CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT THAT VERY SPECIAL CHILD, THE PEACE OF

CHRIST BE WITH YOU.

THAT IS REALLY NICE.

>> THOSE PEOPLE HAVE A REALLY NICE CARD.

>> Stephen: BUT THE FIRST CARD SAID YOU BETTER GET ME THAT

$90 DOLL OR I'LL MELT DOWN CHERNOBYL.

WHAT'S THE MANDOLIN CALLED.

>> THE MANDALORIAN.

>> Stephen: THAT'S A PERFECTLY VALID MISTAKE TO HAVE MADE.

>> NOT ABOUT STAR WARS.

THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU.

>> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO DO A TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS MEAL?

>> HAS TO BE TURKEY.

>> Stephen: WHY.

THAT'S FOR THANKSGIVING.

>> THIS IS NOT THE YEAR TO CHANGE ANYTHING.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

HERE'S A HOLIDAY PUN.

HERE'S SANTA ON THE FRONT AND INSIDE IT SAYS, "I SLEIGH."

BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID "RUDOLPH, WAS THAT A DRIFTER?

I THINK WE HIT A DRIFTER!

THINK, SANTA, THINK!" ( LAUGHTER )

IT'S DARK.

BETTER HEAD HOME OVER HERE.

>> THIS IS VERY SIMPLE.

>> Stephen: THIS ONE IS VERY SIMPLE, LIKE ME.

THIS ONE JUST SAYS, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, JACK FROST IS NIPPING

AT YOUR NOSE."

>> VERY SWEET.

>> Stephen: VERY SIMPLE, KIND OF CUTE.

BUT HERE'S THE FIRST DRAFT: "MERRY CHRISTMAS.

THE MASK GOES OVER YOUR NOSE TOO, YA NUMBNUT!"

>> THERE'S PEOPLE I COULD SEND THAT TO.

>> Stephen: YOU CERTAINLY COULD.

I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL THE OTHER AT A GETTING MY EAR CHECKED ON

AND SOMEBODY HAS THE MASK DOWN HERE.

>> SCARY.

>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT THE COVID-NESS OF

CHRISTMAS RIGHT NOW?

>> GO TO CHRISTMAS PARTIES.

>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.

YEP.

>> SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS.

>> Stephen: YOU CAN STILL SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS BY YOURSELF.

>> THAT'S NOT VERY NICE.

WHAT I SING BY MYSELF IS NOT VERY GOOD.

>> Stephen: COME ON.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO KIND OF --

>> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS?

>> NO, I DO NOT.

>> Stephen: COME ON.

♪ O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL ♪ >> NO, I'M NOT DOING IT.

>> Stephen: IS THIS GOING A LITTLE LONG?

>> TEN MINUTES.

DON'T I GET PAID BY THE MINUTE?

>> Stephen: YOU GET PAID BY THE POUND.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE WE GO.

HERE'S A NICE HOLIDAY CARD FOR THE CHOSEN PEOPLE.

VERY SIMPLE, IT SAYS, "HAPPY HANUKKAH."

BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "HAPPY HANUKKAH," BUT WITH TWO Ns.

THERE WAS AN EARLIER DRAFT THAT SAID HAPPY HANUKKAH WITH ONLY

ONE N BUT A CCH.

THEN A FEW MORE DRAFTS WITH CH AND TWO Ks.

THERE'S CH, TWO Ns, ONE K.

THEN THERE'S BACK TO THE H AND ONE N.

AND THEN FINALLY THERE'S THIS ONE, HAPPY HANUKKAH WITH ONE H,

TWO Ks, AND THEN THIS ONE, WHY WAS I GIVEN THIS ASSIGNMENT, I'M

EPISCOPALIAN!

>> I LOVE THAT.

I HAVE TO LOOK IT UP EVERY TIME I SPELL THE WORD.

>> Stephen:ENED YOU'RE NOT EVEN EPISCOPALIAN.

YOU'RE PRESBYTERIAN.

BUT YOU WENT TO A EPISCOPAL CHURCH WHEN YOU WERE A KID.

>> BECAUSE THE MUSIC IS GOOD.

>> Stephen: THAT'S THE DIFFERENT.

I'M CAT LICK.

YOU HAVE TO GO TO A CATHOLIC CHURCH, DOESN'T COUNT.

>> PRESBYTERIANS IT'S JUST ABOUT THE SERMON.

YOU CAN HEAR IT FROM ANYBODY.

>> Stephen: YOU COULD HEAR IT ON THE RADIO.

>> NOT REALLY, BUT YOU COULD.

>> Stephen: CHRIS WANTS US TO WRAP UP BECAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO

START SOME SORT OF INTERNICENE CHRISTIAN WAR HERE.

>> DO I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW?

>> Stephen: NO, YOU CAN STAY RIGHT THERE, BUT JAMES CORDEN IS

COMING UP NEXT.

>> OKAY.

>> Stephen: MERRY CHRISTMAS, DARLING.

>> MERRY CHRISTMAS, DARLING.

>> Stephen: I DO WANT A COTTON CANDY MACHINE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JAMES CORDEN.