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  • [cheers and applause]

  • - THANK YOU, SIR.

  • ALL RIGHT.

  • ALL RIGHT, HOW'S EVERYBODY-- HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?

  • [cheers]

  • ALL RIGHT, AND YOU GUYS

  • CAN ALL HEAR ME OKAY? all: YEAH.

  • - I KNOW THIS GUY CAN RIGHT HERE.

  • BOY, THIS GUY'S EARS ARE SO BIG,

  • HE'S LAUGHING AT JOKES FROM THE YUK-YUK CLUB

  • ALL THE WAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN.

  • [laughter]

  • ALL RIGHT.

  • AND YOU, SIR, YOU'RE DOING OKAY?

  • AND YOU'RE GETTING ENOUGH TO EAT?

  • IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

  • [laughter]

  • THANK YOU, SIR.

  • FOLKS, I'M SORRY,

  • I'M GONNA GET EVERYBODY TONIGHT.

  • NOBODY IS SAFE. I'M GETTING EVERYBODY.

  • EXCEPT FOR YOU, SIR. I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU ALONE.

  • JUST LIKE YOUR DATE DID TONIGHT. HELLO!

  • HUH? ALL RIGHT.

  • OKAY, WHO'S NEXT?

  • WHO IS NEXT?

  • HEY, MA'AM, I GET IT, YOU HAVE BREASTS, OKAY?

  • JEEZ, I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS CHICK OVER HERE.

  • HER CLEAVAGE IS GIVING THE GRAND CANYON

  • AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX.

  • [laughter]

  • - [computerized voice] YOU SKIPPED ME.

  • - WHO'S TALKING RIGHT NOW?

  • - DO ME.

  • - YEAH, HEY, MAN.

  • LOOK AT THAT PINK SHIRT YOU GOT ON THERE.

  • WOW, WHERE'D YOU GET THAT? QUEERTSHIRTS.COM?

  • - IT'S IN SUPPORT OF BREAST CANCER AWARENESS.

  • I AM GAY, THOUGH.

  • - OKAY.

  • - GO FOR IT.

  • I CAN TAKE IT.

  • - HMM? OH, YEAH, YEAH.

  • NO, HEY, YEAH, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT, MAN.

  • GLOVES ARE COMING OFF.

  • OKAY.

  • RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE, WHAT'S WITH THE THREE DRINKS, MAN?

  • ALCOHOLIC MUCH?

  • - THIS IS MY PAIN MEDICATION.

  • - OF [bleep] COURSE IT IS.

  • IT'S YOUR PAIN MEDICATION.

  • 'CAUSE HE IS IN PAIN.

  • RIGHT NOW.

  • - MAKE FUN OF THE BURNS.

  • - MAKE FUN OF THE-- WHAT DID YOU SAY?

  • BECAUSE HERE'S THE PROBLEM, SIR, IS IT'S REALLY DARK IN HERE,

  • AND, SORRY, ARE YOU BURNED? BECAUSE I CAN'T MAKE IT OUT.

  • THANKS SO MUCH, MA'AM, FOR ILLUMINATING HIM.

  • THANK YOU. THAT'S--I APPRECIATE THAT.

  • OH, THOSE BURNS. - MAKE FUN OF THE ROBOT VOICE.

  • - SIR, I DON'T KNOW.

  • - COME ON, I CAN TAKE IT.

  • - OKAY, WELL, NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • I FEEL-- - OR THE WHEELCHAIR.

  • - LOOK, SIR, THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY

  • ABOUT YOU BEING IN A WHEELCHAIR,

  • AND WE CAN ALL-- - OH, BUT THERE IS SOMETHING

  • FUNNY ABOUT ME BEING FAT?

  • - ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, FINE.

  • FINE. I'VE GOT IT. I'VE GOT IT.

  • I'M DOING IT. I'M DOING IT.

  • I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO GO AFTER THIS GUY

  • 'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO KILL ME IN MY DREAMS.

  • LIKE FREDDY KRUEGER.

  • [exclamations]

  • - COME ON.

  • - 'CAUSE--NO?

  • YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE HOW FREDDY KRUEGER'S FACE IS BURNED OFF.

  • THAT'S NOT...

  • - [sobs]

  • - YOU ASS[bleep]. - HE SAID HE COULD TAKE IT.

  • THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

  • - I THOUGHT I COULD, BUT I CAN'T.

  • - HOW IS THIS ON ME?

  • HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW IF HE'S CRYING RIGHT NOW?

  • [all booing]

  • I DON'T KNOW THAT SOUND.

  • IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE AN ELECTRONIC SOUND.

  • - THE TEARS, THEY BURN.

  • - HE SAID HE COULD TAKE IT. HE S--

  • [cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause]

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