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  • [ restaurant noise... ]

  • RHETT: Pass me some of that garlic stuff. LINK: Have you noticed the waitress?

  • RHETT: Oh yeah. I was thinking about talking to her. LINK: Well you might wanna check your breath first.

  • RHETT: I'm sure your's isn't any better. LINK: Hold on. Here she comes.

  • LINK: Hey, I think we're done. Can you split up the check? And do you have any gum? I only need one piece.

  • [ music starts... ]

  • First off, I want to tell you I enjoyed the pizza Well, it really wasn't great, but it allowed me to meetcha.

  • I'd like your number- but I'm not gonna leave a big tip to get it.

  • That means he's cheap and pathetic and if you date him you'll regret it.

  • Twenty-three percent from me communicates I'm generous; not desperate. And I can calculate.

  • Is she supposed to be impressed? Well, if you wanna battle be my guest...

  • I'm a computer programmer and a cubical dweller. I disabled spellcheck 'cause I'm a stellar speller.

  • When I write an email that includes an attachment, I never hit "send" before I've attached it.

  • Your job is a bore; I keep it hardcore. Selling knives and insurance from door to door.

  • You're reflecting on a watercooler conversation. I'm giving an incredible knife demonstration.

  • May I interest you in some accidental death coverage or a hard-boiled egg slicer?

  • I can change your computer wallpaper to a tropical beach scene.

  • Egg slicer.

  • I carpool, 'cause I'm environmentally sensitive. I pack a snorkel 'cause I'm clever and so inventitive.

  • It's inventive. Inventitive isn't a word.

  • Yeah, I just inventi-ted it. You just got served!

  • Well, when I carpool, I take a group of third graders.

  • On my way to work, I teach them multiplication tables. See I'm a...

  • role model--an example to the youth.

  • Then why did this kid just tell me that 1x1=2 ?

  • At the gym people line up just to give me a spot.

  • All eyes on me when I'm popping a squat.

  • My career Plan-B is to teach P.E. The model on this machine...he's based on me.

  • I've mastered the art of mental manipulation.

  • Working every muscle group through meditation. This is me working out my triceps.

  • Pick up my DVD called "Mind Reps."

  • My sense of style is sweet like syrup. It's not uncommon for people to think I'm from Europe.

  • I don't follow the trends. I'm a style pioneer. See this turtleneck, with a necklace--you'll be wearing this next year.

  • [music continues...]

  • Is that all you got?

  • No.

  • I see buttons, I just push 'em to see what they do. If something were to go wrong, I'd just blame it on you.

  • I'm quick-witted. I always know just what to say.

  • Then say something clever.

  • Uh...Okay.

  • I was offered a record deal, while singing at a karaoke bar. But I turned it down and became the President's karaoke czar.

  • I rescued a dolphin entangled in a tuna net and donated it to an orphanage to keep as a pet.

  • I gave the heimlich to a horse choking on beef jerky. Two hours later he won the Kentucky Derby.

  • I'm allergic to nothing.

  • I'm allergic to weakness.

  • I embrace my weaknesses and call them uniquenesses.

  • I can drive a stick-shift.

  • Well, I can golf.

  • Well, I can make it look like my thumb is coming off.

  • I invented the half nelson.

  • I invented the full nelson.

  • I've got a signed picture of Boris Yeltsin.

  • My uncle is a lawyer.

  • I roll my own sushi.

  • I use the metric system exclusively.

  • I know Morse Code. Well I can speak it.

  • [Morse Code]

  • You just said that "the square root of raspberry should be legalized."

  • Exactly.

  • [swoosh]

  • [Exhales] So, what do you think?

  • [music starts]

[ restaurant noise... ]

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B2 US rhett link slicer morse morse code carpool

Epic Rap Battle! - Rhett & Link

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    Yi Syuan Lan posted on 2014/07/08
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