This is the barometer of how I measure all my friendships.

Michelle, great work today.

Your report is outstanding.

Thank you.

I also intentionally sent four memes in each category, making 444 an angel number, which adds even a deeper, more divine significance to our friendship.

Your attention to detail is just *chef's kiss*

Melissa, what happened today?

Well, I didn't spend as much time on Instagram today because I was working.

You know what else takes work, Melissa?

A friendship.

It's just a matter of where you want to put that work.

Totally.

I can send double the memes tomorrow.

Melissa memes are a balance: You sent too few, clearly, you don't give a flying f**k about this friendship;

you send too many,

that's just desperate.

Okay, moving on to our next order of business...snacks.

But yesterday a friend of mine sent our girl group chat an infographic made by Dr Kelly Vincent, who condensed the information from Valerie Young's book The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women.

Why capable people suffer from imposter syndrome and how to thrive in spite of it.

So young has focused her career on researching fraudulent feelings among high achievers.

And through that research she's uncovered five types of people who struggle with the impostor phenomenon on.

I felt personally attacked by all of them, So here we go one.

The perfectionist Perfectionists are never satisfied, and they always feel that their work could be better.

Rather than focus on their strengths, they tend to fixate on any flaws or missed aches.

This often leads to a great deal of self pressure and high amounts of anxiety to the superhero.

Because these individuals feel inadequate, they feel compelled to push themselves toe work as hard as possible.

You measure your competency based on how many roles you could juggle and excel in fall short in any role that evokes shame because they feel like they should be able to handle it.

Three.

The expert thes individuals air always trying to learn more and are never satisfied with their level of understanding.

Even though their often highly skilled they underrate their own expertise.

Their primary concern, according to Vincent, is what and how much they know or could do.

Even a minor lack of knowledge creates feelings of failure and shame for the natural genius.

Thes people set excessively lofty goals for themselves and feel crushed when they don't succeed on their first try.

Five.

The soloist.

These people tend to be very individualistic and prefer to work alone.

Self worth often stems from their productivity, so they often reject offers of assistance they tend to see.

Asking for help is a sign of weakness or incompetence.

Now, according to the imposter phenomenon by Jaroncyk local and James Alexander in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, the imposter phenomenon was first described by Pauline plants from her observation in a clinical setting.

So these individuals that she was observing experienced intense feelings that their achievements are undeserved, and they worry that they're likely to be exposed as a fraud.

Fun fact Imposter syndrome was initially only believed to affect professional women, but now we know that it affects all of us.

Yes.

Children, Yes.

An estimated 70% of people will experience this at least once in their lives.

Now, this quote from the article blew my mind.

So get ready to have your mind blown.

Anyone confuse themselves as an impostor if they failed to internalize their success.

Wow, that is some of the best mind blowing I have ever received.

Now, if you want to read the 20 page spread, the link is below.

It's incredibly fascinating it even as like this nifty little graph about the imposter cycle in case you wanted to see the mental gymnastics or interest brains are doing all the time.

Now, what do we do about imposter syndrome?

Well, according to Young, everyone has unconscious rules in their head about what it means to be competent.

These rules tend to begin with should always or never.

So in order to tackle feeling like an impostor, we need to know what our rules are.

Vincent also gives some great examples of this.

Like I should know everything in my field.

I should get it right the first time.

I'd never make a mistake.

I'd never be confused.

I'd never ask for help.

So if you can identify the hidden self limiting beliefs you have around competency or success, you can start directly addressing those rules.

I personally struggle a lot with perfectionism and superhero tendencies.

I tell myself I should be able to do everything I've always been someone who can juggle a lot.

I never want to give up one asset of my creative life.

But instead of where's that mind blowing quote again?

Instead of internalizing my successes, I gloss over them and I only focus on the mistakes where I fell short, how I don't measure up and how I could do better.

But not any more Children now that I'm self aware and I have placed a little red flag in my brain, whenever I hear should always and never I can begin addressing damaging imposter syndrome behavior and beliefs and so can you.

Yeah, self work is exhausting, but we're going to keep going because of what else can we dio?

I'm Anaconda and thank you to the patrons who supported today's video and thank you to better help for sponsoring today's episode.

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