Top story.

Y'all with covert cases climbing like a gentrify er at an indoor rock wall and the loser in Cheeto missing in non action Americans Air tourney over whether to celebrate Thanksgiving or gnaw.

Seven.

Governors are being worthy of my retweets by asking people to stand the 500 guidelines.

But South Dakota's governor showed that although she's beautiful on the outside, she still has a lot of internal work to do when it comes to mask mandate.

I don't want to approach a policy or a mandate just looking to make people feel good.

I want to do good and actually put forward provisions that make a difference for families.

Honestly, if a scientist told me I had to pour water on myself because I'm on fire and I'm setting everyone around me on fire, I'd be like, OK, pervert, You just want to see me in a wet T shirt.

I'm being responsible and limiting my apartment to the 40 people in my Park Slope pod.

Everybody will have to swear not to have co vid, and I am doing vibe checks at the door.

Okay, there is some good news in all this.

Then Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade is still happening.

So I don't know, maybe Trump is actually doing a good job.

I was going to surprise you, Kylie, but I made a balloon of you.

Brian, that is so freaking.

So we you Brian, do you think I'm 35 ft long?

Sorry, this makes me really uncomfortable.

Sorry.

I'll never make a bowl interview again.

I mean, you can just make it accurate.

Like make it look teeny, tiny like I am moving on Treasonous cheese Man.

Trump is getting absolutely ghosted by the election.

For more.

Let's bring in New York Times cybersecurity reporter Nicole Pearl Roth.

Thank you for joining us, Nicole.

Thanks for having me highly.

Now, Nicole, you've been covering President Trump's firing of his adorable cyber security chief, Chris Scrubs.

How has this firing left America vulnerable Besides my riot profile pics getting hacked so guys not on my level inexplicably think I'm on their level.

Great question.

So I think at this point we're basically firing the guy who made sure that there wasn't any foreign hacking interference in the election.

And unfortunately, one of the things that Chris Krebs was doing really well.

Waas combating a lot of the disinformation around the election, much of which was coming from the White House itself, which is why he got fired.

Now we're not talking about the hackers going after down ballot races.

I lost my race to join my co op board, and not because of my campaign to make every resident only play games with their Children in which whoever is the most quiet wins a day long.

Now the debate over disinformation spilled into the Senate, where the Judiciary Committee questioned Tech leaders, including Mark Zuckerberg, aka Mark asked Badonkadonk Berg, taste like a robot, but body gotta Whoa.

But Tom, I'm going to do some surveillance on that capital a ass with my but nah killers.

Here's what he said while holding on rodeo style to that wild, plump dumper.

We also have broader policies in place around trying to slow the spread of misinformation more broadly, even when it's not going to lead Thio some kind of violence or imminent harm.

And that's why we've created, uh, this independent fact checking program where we work with more than 80 partners around the world.

Um, to help t help do do fact checking That's Marky Mark and the Bubble, but serving up some euphemism.

Riel nous, using the words work with instead of pay to tow, blind you to the conflict of interest.

Now Nicole is duck Herb aren't doing enough to stop disinformation, considering the top 10 posts are consistently in Dan Bongino claiming Trump won five new red states no one knows about.

It's a really good point.

He's not doing enough to curb disinformation.

If you look at ah, lot of the content that's had the highest engagement since the election started and what how much of that is disinformation?

The bulk of the content we're seeing around the election on Twitter on Facebook is about disinformation again, most of it coming from Trump himself.

I mean, these claims about stopping disinformation do not seem accurate at all.

One Facebook user got this past the so called fact checkers.

Kylie Weaver's head probably smells like a scallion or this false statement.

Kylie Weaver just messaged me about the scallion thing.

OMG l o l stop searching your own name loser or this clear Russian disinformation.

Kylie Weaver tracked down where I work and called my boss.

It's four AM walk away from the Chardonnay.

Wow.

Thes troll farms are out of control.

Let's move on from Cheeto News and move on to news about the Cheetos election.

We now have a special report from investigative correspondent for Jatin Mehta and Jeremy Levy, 11.

Thanks for joining us, boys.

No, no, thank you.

Not journalistic.

Got it.

What do you have for us?

Yeah, There's a lot of this information out there that company Dominion voting systems that change votes from Trump to Biden, which is ridiculous.

True, Ridiculous.

Super Andrew and Nicole.

You can confirm that, right?

That's right.

So there were some hiccups that happened on election Day, which are normal.

But in five of the counties that had some of these glitches on Li, two of them used Dominion and one it was actually human error that caused some of the problems.

And that was fixed, right?

And some of the human error in the jamming reach out.

You wanna talk?

About what?

That waas.

Yeah.

I think Nicole was about to say this.

What?

What really happened is the Democrats were having sex with the ballot scanners, right?

Because each thrust knocked an additional vote into the Biden Texas OMG.

Wow!

Okay, it's so scary that that could happen.

Yeah, totally, Very scary.

Again.

Nicole was about to say that the kinkier machines kind of liked it from the sides from the Democrats.

And right.

And there were a lot of three Somes as well.

And I think Cole was alluding to this a little bit.

But at 1.2 of the machines started making out with each other.

Started making out.

Now, Jeremy.

Nicole, can any of the three of you speak to whether or not the cybersecurity community anticipated this?

We actually talked to Nicole right before this election and Germany, and she she predicted that this is a disagreement we had.

She predicted that the voters wouldn't be generous enough lovers for this to be a problem.

Exactly.

Nicole, do you want to talk about how the voters maybe hit it right are.

I wasn't actually aware of any of these kinky sex issues that happened, but the good news is that they put a lot of redundancies in place this year.

So, um, even if there were glitches on Election day or people were having kinky sex mirror the ballot scanners or what have you?

Um, they were going to have people print out.

It was not exactly kinky sex near the ballot scanners.

It was with the That was the problem.

It was with the ballot scanner.

If it was, if it was kinky sex, it was near here.

That's a completely different have been a problem about Yeah, good work.

All three of you.

Thank you, Raja, Jeremy and Nicole for that report.

Obviously, President Trump Cheeto is used to getting dragged by fearless boss bitches in the media.

But he's not prepared to be literally dragged out of the White House if you want g t f o on his own.

According to some Secret Service T one scenario that's been floated, the Secret Service detail charged with guarding Trump would sort of closed their eyes while Biden's new Secret Service team comes in and walks trump out the door.

There has also been speculation that the FBI could get involved or that the U.

S Marshal service could come in and escort Trump out.

Okay, listen, I know it's a very exciting thing to imagine, and we liberals have this fantasy of Trump being dragged out of the White House and handcuffs.

But let's be realistic.

It's simply not gonna happen that way.

Here's how it is going to happen.

At 2300 hours, Trump drift off to sleep.

I am hidden in a bush outside the window, waiting, watching, biding my time.

I see his stupid fat orange breathing slow as he enters his first Cheeto like REM cycle.

That's when I make my move.

Using the laser scalpel in my utility belt, I cut a tiny size zero hole through the window and shiny my little ass through.

Once inside the bedroom, I shed my Gillies do and take up my walkie talkie.

Malala has secured the bag.

I repeat, Malala has secured the bag over.

That's my signal for backup.

Lila comes repelling down from the ceiling.

Peter emerges from his disguises.

A painting of George Washington.

I cannot tell a lie bitch and Brian has been doing laps around the perimeter in a golf cart for the past three hours to keep watch.

Happy to help, Just then, Trump wakes up.

He looks at me, his Cheeto esque eyes narrowing and says, You, you're the one who's been doing others.

Viral takedowns of May, and he lunges at me and wraps his tiny hands around my tiny neck.

It's tiny versus tiny.

All hope is lost.

Lila and Peter left to go get bubble tea.

But then, yeah, someone kicks down the door and says, Not so fast, Mr Trump, before landing a flying cap, aware a kick right to Trump's head, knocking him out cold.

I tried to stagger to my feet, but I'm dizzy.

The mysterious man catches me and cradles me in his arms.

Are faces now inches apart?

I finally recognize him.

Robert Mueller, he says.

Hey, kid, I find myself staring at his lips.

They're perfect.

But then, whack, he crumples to the floor Behind him, Trump brandishes a golf club.

No, I cry.

Trump looks at me.

A cheetah wish glint in his eye and says, Now that I've got you alone, I will review the location of my famous P tape.

It is hidden underneath, but then he's interrupted by the sound of shattering glass.

Lila and Peter are back with reinforcements and their bubble tea.

I got Lee Chee and Peter got honey do in through the shattered bedroom window march.

Elissa Milano, AOC and Chast and Buddha Judge Photo.

Seven twenties and on a skateboard.

Elizabeth born enters riding Bailey, who rears up on his hind legs, ready for battle.

Chasson takes a running leap and jumps onto Trump's shoulders, squeezing his head between his thighs.

The pence fly buzzes back and forth between Trump's eyeballs.

AOC looks at me and says Kylie now and I use my scrunchie to tie his hands behind his back.

Take him away chassis and I say chats and jumps out and says, My pleasure.

But please call me roof chess and takes off his mask to reveal that he was none other than Ruth Bader Ginsburg along.

Yea, and I'm still in the golf cart during all this.

Brian, don't make this all about you.

Okay, Nicole, Did any of that strike you as liberal fantasy?

It did sound a little bit strange.

I have to say, Yeah, you're right.

Data would probably be busy helping Jon Ossoff when that run off, honey.