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MOVING ON, WE'VE GOT A LOT OF GREAT SHOWS COMING UP,ER AND
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WHAT WE WON'T HAVE IN-PERSON AUDIENCES FOR THE TIME BEING DUE
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TO SAFETY PRECAUTIONS, PLEASE CHECK OUT PAST EPISODES IN ALL
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OUR CAR POOL KARAOKE VIDEOS ON OUR YouTube PAGE, FOLLOW ME ON
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TWITTER AT
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" RHAMES ME ON VING, FIND ME A
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FLIGHT ON KAYAK, SHOW ME AN OX ON MYYAK, MEET ME ON ZOOM, NAME
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ME ON TUNE, CUDDLE ME ON SPOON, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM WANT ME IN
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ME ON TUNE, CUDDLE ME ON SPOON, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM WANT ME IN
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YOUR ROOM, MANAGE ME ON GOOGLETASK, YELL AT ME ON WEAR A
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MASK, FIND ME A PLAYLIST ON SPOTIFY, FIND ME A DANISH ON
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SPOT-A-PIE, CHECK MY TEMP ON FAHRENHEIT, TALK LIKE TRUMP ON
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YO-SEMITE, MESSAGE ME ON WHATSAPP, MEGAN THEE ON WHATSWAP
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MATCH WITH ME ON BUMBLE, "GET KNOCKED DOWN!" ON CHUMBAWUMBLE
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WET ME ON MOAT, SWAB ME ON THROAT, MILK ME ON OAT, "OH MY
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GOD, NO, I CAN'T EAT ANOTHER THING" ON BLOAT, SET UP MY
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WORKFLOW ON TO-DO-IST, GET ME A NEW PHONE ON YO, WHODIS?
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MESSAGE ME ON GROUPME, GWYNETH ME ON GOOPME, CANCEL MY REZ ON
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OPENTABLE, BETRAY MY BROTHER ON CAIN-N-ABEL, STREAM ME ON HULU,
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LIVE YOUR TRUTH ON DOYOU!
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BUY ME A GIFT ON SHOPIFY, FORGET SOMEONE'S NAME ON "HEY, BIG
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GUY?" PAY ME TOMORROW ON PAYPAL, RAY
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ME ROMANO ON RAYPAL, MAKE ME RICH ON P.O. TRADE, POWERS ME ON
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OH, BEHAVE!
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WATCH ANIME ON CRUNCHYROLL, MATILDA ME ON TRUNCHYBULL,
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SUNDAY ME ON BRUNCHYSTROLL, GET MAD AT ME ON PUNCHYHOLE, CHAT ME
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UP ON DISCORD, HIT ME UP ON DIS CORD, ORDER ME ON CAVIAR, TWIRL
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MY STACHE ON HANDLEBAR OR, IF YOU WISH, FEEL FREE TO WRITE ME
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AN OLD FASHIONED LETTER BY ADDRESSING IT TO TELEVISION CITY
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STUDIOS, 7800 BEVERLY BOULEVARD, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90036.
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BECAUSE THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATION MAY BE ACTIVELY
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SABOTAGING THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE, THE ONLY WAY TO ENSURE
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YOUR LETTER ACTUALLY GETS TO ME IS TO WRITE ME 25 LETTERS AND
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DROP THEM OFF AT 25 DIFFERENT MAILBOXES.
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AFTER A FEW DAYS, ONE OF YOUR LETTERS ARRIVES.
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THE NEXT DAY, TWO MORE ARRIVE AND THE DAY AFTER THAT, I'LL
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FIND SEVEN MORE IDENTICAL LETTERS IN MY MAILBOX, AT WHICH
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POINT I'LL BE LIKE "OH, WOW.
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SOMETHING'S OBVIOUSLY GONE WRONG HERE."
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INSTEAD OF REPLYING, I'LL ALERT CBS SECURITY TO PUT YOU ON THE
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LIST OF "HIGH-RISK FANS" AND QUIETLY BLAME MYSELF FOR SEEMING
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TOO FRIENDLY AND APPROACHABLE ON AIR.
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MEANWHILE, HAVING NEVER GOTTEN A RESPONSE, YOU'LL GROW
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DISENCHANTED WITH CELEBRITY AND DECIDE TO DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO
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PUBLIC SERVICE, TAKING A JOB AT THE COUNTY CLERK'S OFFICE,
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WORKING YOUR WAY UP TO CITY HALL AND EVENTUALLY WINNING A SENATE
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SEAT.
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YOU'LL HELP PASS MANY NEW LAWS THAT USHER IN THE FUTURE AND
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THE PRESIDENT WILL APPOINT YOU AS POSTMASTER GENERAL OF THE
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UNITED STATES.
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YOU'LL DO THAT JOB FOR 30 YEARS.
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ONE DAY, CURIOSITY WILL GET THE BEST OF YOU AND YOU'LL TYPE MY
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NAME INTO THE MAIL DATABASE.
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LOOKS LIKE YOUR OLD LETTERS TO ME WERE DELIVERED AFTER ALL.
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ALL 25 OF THEM.
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FURIOUS, YOU'LL TAKE THE DAY OFF, FLY TO L.A., SHOW UP AT THE
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STUDIO GATES, STORM PAST SECURITY, WALK RIGHT UP TO MY
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DESK AND CONFRONT ME ABOUT THE LETTERS.
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AFTER EVERYTHING YOU SAY, I'LL JUST SIT THERE SILENTLY SMILING
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UNTIL YOU GET SO FRUSTRATED YOU TAKE A SWING AT ME.
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BUT YOUR FIST WILL GO RIGHT THROUGH MY HEAD AND MY IMAGE
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WILL START TO FLICKER BECAUSE AT THIS POINT IN THE FUTURE CBS HAS
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REPLACED ME WITH A CHEAPER, MORE EFFICIENT HOLOGRAM.
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AND YOU, A FORMER SENATOR, WERE THE TIE-BREAKING VOTE THAT
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PASSED THE "NO LIVE HOST HOLOGRAM" BILL.
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HOW COULD YOU?
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I'M GLAD I NEVER WROTE YOU BACK.
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WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "LATE LATE SHOW."
